hi Valerie just another weekend like all the others the only difference is the last few days I've been feeling so detached from everything no emotions no nothing really don't like this feeling its like sitting on the outside looking in and like you I keep playing that morning over and over again and wondering if there was anything I should have done different but I guess we'll never know that various children come once in awhile I have no children of my own so I'm pretty much by myself and just try to push through will you write any time cuz I'm always here do the best you can this weekend take care Valerie

Hi Valerie,

It was good to hear from you. 

I understand what you mean about some days seem ok, others ...you just want to cry all day...nothing seems right.

I'm coming up on 9 months! Doesn't seem possible. I was looking at the pictures on the wall...the pix of Bill pre-cancer is how I remember him. I look at the pix during his "torment" and I hardly recognize that as someone I knew. 

I push myself to see friends. It does seem like most of the time I'm the one making contact. I don't know, maybe they feel weird contacting me...like they're intruding. My brother wants me to go to his cabin for a couple of days next week while my sister (out of state) is visiting. He's had the place for 5 years and this would be the first time I've seen it...yet, it seems like such an effort to go.

Life is so strange, isn't it? I spent all my 20's doing stuff on my own, with friends...Then Bill came along and it was the 2 of us. He seemed to fill a void I didn't even know I had...Now.....the void seems sooooo much bigger.

But, I plod along as you do. Trying to keep up a brave front. 

You know you aren't alone! The good days have to outnumber the bad soon!

Hi Valerie, I am so glad you have resolved things with the house, We don't need any more stress in our lives we have enough. I wasn't sure if I should say anything but yes I have had communication with Don. I had a medium come to my house a couple of months ago and she had some messages from Don that only Don would know about. He was pointing out shoes lined up and at first Deanna the medium thought they were Don's and wondered if he had a pair of shoes that hurt his feet, I said no and we carried on but he kept talking about the shoes. She said he was stroking my feet and then she realized it was my feet and wondered if I had a problem with them. I do and Don wanted me to see a doctor, I told him I would wait it was only a problem in the winter. She said he is insisting that I start taking care of myself for a change. He also told her to ask me about the TV to tell me he was doing it. I started to laugh because Don had pre scheduled the Sunday Nascar races in advance and I thought I had gotten rid of future reminders but it didn't work so I just left them thinking he wanted me too. A few other small things as well. I know he has helped with some decisions and helped me make the right ones. I was the same as you Don and I were best friends and I didn't socialize until he passed. I live in a very small town so I have been going to brunches and that sort of thing at the legion and everyone has been kind. That's how I have made some friends. I am going to see the medium again in a few months. You take care of yourself and lets keep talking

Maureen