Im so sorry your dream put you in that dark place again. Its yet another testament to the strong grief that has taken up residence in your heart. I havent had many dreams, although i often find myself either waking up to thoughts and details of that dreadful night, or trouble falling asleep because my mind carries me there. If only i could dream of her holding me tight, as shes done since i was a child, to comfort me even briefly. Yesterday meant 21wks. I just never know how hard i will cry on Tuesdays, or what my everydays will bring. The nagging pain of longing for her just will not grant me peace. My only hope, i guess, is that by us talking this through, here on this platform, can somehow validate the scope of pain death has bestowed upon us. Its the ugliest ME i think i could ever be. Its the worst life could ever hand me. I want strength i cannot find.

Thank you Wendy. I agree, im not even sure if it will ever get better. Its the learning to live with this heartache thatin every turn our lives take, will visit us often & continue to dig deep into our wound. I know how hard it is with our children, but its okay to allow them to see us weep & hurt. It teaches them how to express themselves to us, show compassion to others & face the realities of painful moments life brings.But yes, as Motherless daughters we too want to protect them . Im sure your Mom is smiling proud upon you....even though you dont feel strong...those dark days when you just dont want to do anything,,,except maybe catch up on your emotions, or even run from them and bury yourself deep under the covers. Yes, we manage to function,,,even though it doesnt feel like we are. Muster up a smile for someone,,just to please them,,because deep down inside we are still bleeding. My prayers are with you and your family Wendy. We are only at the beginning. Have patience with yourself.(better said than done huh) I appreciate your comfort. Peace be with you. Ps. Beautiful pics of your beloved Mother!!!!