Adrianne, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your son.  I was taken aback a little reading about your loss as there are some similarities to my son's death.  Doctor over prescribing pain meds when knowing he was having mental health problems.  None of that really matters now though because the real problem is that our sons are not here with us.  Your loss is so recent, I can imagine what you are going through.  There is no magic cure.  Just do what you need to do to take care of yourself and when you feel the need to let things out, come here and write.  Someone is usually around.  

Blessings, Ann

Adrianne,  I know what you are going through.  I know where you are in your grief.  Nothing I can say will really help, but sometimes it's just good to know that you are not alone.  This past year that I have been on here has only made me aware of how many are suffering.  It doesn't help my personal grief, but it does help to connect with others that truly understand because some of our family, our friends and acquaintances really can't understand unless they have experienced it themselves.

I tried to private message you, but it said we have to be friends.  I sent a friend request.  Don't want to write too much about legal things on the message board.

Praying for some comfort for you.

            Adrianne, Your grief is still so fresh and raw.give yourself some time.  I can tell You that it should not take as long as it did for me to start to heal...I truly believe I have had a spirit of grief on me that would not leave. in Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 it says basically there is a season for everything .which I take to mean, Jesus knows our sorrows and knows we need to experience the feelings and lean on HIM to bring us out of it.  GOD is not the author of death.He sent His son to die for us so we could all live forever together w/HIM.

Here is what turned it around for me:  I felt like I had been living in a cave for 5 years. The last 2 years I was not even able to cry. But being a Christian, I missed fellowship with the Lord so much, I made a decision to try something:  I got down on my knees by my bed and told the Lord:  "Lord, I don't feel this in my heart, but I miss what I had w/You...I am asking YOU to "Turn my heart of stone into a heart of flesh again, in Jesus name".  When I got up, I did not feel anything, but I an ever so small amount of peace.  That Sunday, we had a healing service at our church, I went down and told my pastor how I felt.  He asked the Lord to remove my spirit of grief, and fill the empty places left with Holy Spirit, He said He saw me as Lazarus,  and three people were outside of the tomb cheering me to come out:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, saying:  COME OUT PATTI, take off your grave clothes!...Again, it was subtle, but pretty steady, That was in August, and it has been a sweet journey.  I am being filled w/hope. 

Just remember we have NOT, I repeat NOT lost our relationship w/them….Just our FELLOWSHIP…temporarily.  You are STILL his Mother and ALWAYS will be.  When the LORD calls You home, and that is something only HE knows the time… you can resume your fellowship with your son.

Please stop beating yourself up about the past….The Lord has forgiven you, and the responsible people will be dealt w/By our Lord. If the blood of Jesus is enough to save our souls, it is enough to forgive us of anything. You obviously Love your children very much.  And remember although I do NOT believe the Lord had anything to do w/what happened, it did NOT take HIM by surprise.

Although God allows us to be BROKEN…HE does not intend for us to live BROKEN LIVES…Of course, we miss them, but just remember…it seems like a long time to us, but to them it is NOT.  They are w/JESUS!!!!  How great is that?

 I pray Matt & your Son have met in heaven and are friends….And just think, your son has no more pain, no more sorrow, and is finally….”Truly Healed”. 

 From your profile, it appears you have a lot of people who love you and depend on you, and I know you will not let them down….That will be a HUGE part of your healing…keep his memory alive by telling your grandchildren about him, and the funny things he did etc...You know "Mom" stories.

 You WILL laugh again, You WILL smile again…You will be hopeful again.  Just give it all over to the Lord, and HE will take the pain away, and leave You w/the good memories.  Don’t expect too much too soon…concentrate on healing, and letting the Lord Love on You…HE loves you so much!

You know in HIS word he says:  (Philippians 4:3):  (NIV):  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Oh, and by the way, I cry "at everything"  now.  Especially the happy things.  I have nicknamed myself "crybaby", but I am glad to be one!

 Hope I haven’t been too lengthy, just wanted to give you hope…I will pray HOLY SPIRIT will come into you even deeper and continue to heal you.  In HIS love, Patti (Matt’s Mom)

Adrianne,   HOLD ON.... HELP IS ON THE WAY!  I'm sorry you are not doing well with the holidays... and having a bad day... and seeing the news of Sandra is not easy...  But we all need to Hold on to each other and support each other... because the alternative that Sandra has taken has left more pain for others left behind.

Sometimes I think we put too much importance on holidays and dates....  even without the grief of losing a loved one..many are depressed because of our expectations and dreams of the perfect day.....  but for sure those "Firsts" are even more painful... I try to  ignore the calendar and just go one day at a time...  But as I just said TRY.... Big Hugs and know that many of us are in the same boat and have been where you are.... 

Hi Adrianne, I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.  I guess I'm thinking of all on here and those elsewhere that are in the same place we are.  Just hold on and keep your faith.  We have to trust that some better days are coming.  You are in my thoughts and prayers every day.   ♥

Hi Adrianne,  just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. I know how hard it is for you right now, it hasn't even been quite four months since I lost my son Zach. I think it still hasn't really hit me yet that Zach is never coming home to me again. I look down at my arm and see the tattoo I got in his memory, and know it must be true but I haven't accepted it yet. One thing that helps keep me going is talking to other people, especially those of us who are mothers, who have been where we are and are surviving this. I talked to one of my childrens' teacher's that they had in elementary school. She lost her only son nine years ago, he was away at college opened his door one night and was shot and killed. She has become an inspiration to me because she told me she had to make a decision, whether to just give in to her grief or chose to be a survivor. I watch how she seems to be able to have found some happiness in her life again. I want that for myself, but find that so hard to believe that it will be possible. I feel like I am just walking around with a mask on. I will never be the same person again. But I do chose to survive this, if not for myself, then for all my loved ones. I hope that you will do the same. Please know that I am here as are others, who will listen to whatever  you have to say. You are surviving this, you are showing me that it is possible. I thank  you for that. You are in my prayers and anyone else who is grieving a child, or any loved one. Big hugs. Robin

Hi Adrianne, just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. It will soon be four months for me also since we lost Zach, can't believe he won't be here for Christmas. I know how you must be missing your son, Don. Please know that you are not alone in your sadness. If  you ever want to talk, send me a message, I friend requested you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs. Robin

PEACE...... If you don't count our sleep time..... this Holiday will be gone in about 24 Hours.....   I think I'll skip the whole darn thing....

Adrianne, I have been thinking of you all day.  I could not bring myself here to write earlier.  I felt such sorrow for you and knew that I could do nothing to help.  Birthdays are hard enough and I'm sure there is added sadness when they fall on a holiday where most people are celebrating.  I have been praying for you, and just wanted to let you know that you and your precious son, Don, were not forgotten today.  Many hugs. 

Hi Adrianne.  You asked if others feel like it is getting worse. I have felt that too.  Both when my son died and again after my husband died.  At first there was the numbness that seemed to keep me in a fog that kept some of the pain at bay.  As that fog lifted I was able to feel more and it hurt soo much worse.  It still seems like I take a step forward and then something will send me back down into those days of deep dispair.  Im sorry you are in so much pain.  It really really really stinks that there isnt a magic cure for this heartache we feel. 

yes Adrianne it is for me as well daily it gets worse ..we don't have that choice to not continue i am not longer a believer of God i am spiritual and all i can think of when it gets this bad is i have my other children whom need me especially the 14 year old and just in case there is a heaven and amber is there i don't want to mess up the chance to be with her someday for eternity im sorry for your loss we all have no choice but to go on existing and existence is no way to live but it is what is is and existence added with the kind of grieve we have to live with now no clue why things like this happens to good people but they do..you have to keep going ..please keep in mind the ultimate goal is to get to heaven to be with our loved one ...if there is a heaven that is my daughter 18 was addicted to opiates for less then two years and shes dead now , her father addicted to opiates off and on all of his life since i have known him still breathes and walks it should have been him ...so ya ...a drug has no conscience or calendar it will take you out sooner or later along with addicts family. peace out

It is really so painful in which I would like to take my own life... :(

Someone warned me that while my holidays were hard to handle his birthday would be the hardest to get through!   I woke up that day literally feeling like I was going to die.  My daughter needs me and for her I have to figure out how to live again.  I'm just not there yet.

Adrianne everything you say is perfectly true, I believe it is true that even if a parent was aged 90 and they lost their 70 year old child it hurts no less.

Your poor son and poor you...I FEEL like I am crying all the time, but after a month most days I feel like something is bottling it up inside me so its just an inside ache and the tears won't come...then suddenly they do and its like a downpour..then nothing again...I guess its really true that no two people can grieve the same way...yesterday I thought I was maybe getting closer to letting go of the pain just a bit...but...ha ha ha...that didn't last long...hugs to you

Adrianne, such nice pics.. my heart goes outto you. Pls take care..hugss

Right Adrianne it could have happen to them.

Yes, Adrianne it could have happen to them.

Why Adrianne did it happen to us. I sit here as I do everyday, with tears flowing down my face. They are silent tears now. I find it hard to respond too.

But Adrianne it happen to us and I wish I could fix it...........my tears are warm and full of pain, sorrow, fear, and shame. Like all my few friends child still here and mine child gone.

My husband and I just don't talk anymore. Separate room. He works 7-3, then goes to another job until 8 pm. When he is here, he eats alone and so do I. Someone killed our son and our marriage of 25 years.