Melissa D - My father was also in many ways my best friend.  He had emotional problems from childhood and spent a few years drinking too much, but I could see beyond that and see the beautiful person inside him and who he really was.  He and I owned a flea market business together, and we had so much fun doing that.  He could not do it the last two years of his life, because he was too sick.  He always said we were going to get back to the flea market.  He missed it so much.  When he got so bad he couldn't walk good any more, I bought him a little red scooter - not a power chair but the scooter kind - and he'd ride around on that so happy.  The two summers he rode around on that scooter were the happiest time I think I saw in his life.  That scooter is sitting in our hallway now and my husband wants to sell it, but I can't even though I know we could use the money cuz every time I look at it I just see him sitting on it, riding around the flea market with the biggest smile on his face.  There is a part of me that is mad at God for taking that away from him.  After a lifetime of trying to recover from his abuse, he finally finds his way to happiness, and God takes it away from him and makes him so sick that all he can do is dream about going back to those two summers he was happy.  I feel like after a lifetime of suffering from physical and emotional pain of being abused as a child that at least God could have let him continue on happy for a while when he finally found it.  I miss him so much!

I just remembered a scooter story I wanted to share.  When I was taking care of my dad, I was scared all the time cuz e was such a risk taker.  I was just sure he was going to hurt himself.  One day he was riding around on that scooter as fast as it could go, and he hit a pothole and tipped over.  The whole flea market ran to him to see if he was okay, and when I got there they already had him tipped back up and on his scooter, and thank God he was okay.  He looks up at me and says, "Did you see that?  Wasn't that cool?"  I'm all scared cuz he could have broken a hip or something and he's caught up in the adrenaline of the moment and thinks it's the coolest thing ever.  He and I were very different in that way - I was always the careful one.  I think I made him a little nuts with that super carefulness of mine.

it was a shock but I am glad it happened the way it did.

today I am mad.  it hit me all at once.  HE left me!  I wasn't ready.  I want him here with me!  I miss him so bad today!  every day it gets harder and harder!  I have been so afraid of letting the tears flow,  afraid I would lose control.  screw it!  I just want my daddy!

 

Elaine - I know how you feel.  I don't really know what the stages of grief are, but I know there are stages of grief.  I think one of those stages must be numbness.  I think maybe up til now you have felt numb, and then the numb went away and you were mad.  I think that, because that is what I have gone through.  From the moment the phone rang and the nurse told me he was gone, I felt myself go numb.  It was 4:30 in the morning, and I sat up for the rest of the night drinking wine and not feeling much of anything other than disbelief.  Then, I started cleaning the house and doing the yard work cuz I'd taken care of my dad for so long that many of those things were so far behind that I was in danger of getting cited by the city.  Tomorrow will be one month to the day since he died.  Over the last few days as the house and yard work has gotten caught up and I've been less busy, the feelings are seeping in through the numbness.  I start crying for no reason - and then I realized I was mad.  I was mad at God for making him so sick just when he was starting to enjoy life for the first time (he had PTSD from child abuse and spent one year actually really enjoying his life cuz he was finally overcoming the PTSD and then he gets so sick he can't do the things he enjoys any more).  I drive around and remember when he was still well during that year he really enjoyed life that we went here for breakfast (he loved to go out to breakfast) and we did this and that together, and I cry and then I get so mad at God for takign him just when he'd learned to enjoy life and was really enjoying it.  Then, I get mad at me for all the mistakes I made when I was taking care of him - times I was impatient cuz I was so exhausted, etc., and then I'm mad at myself and hating myself.  So, I think mad must be a stage of grief too.  I just want to punch a hole in the wall or drive my car into something just cuz it would make me feel better, but I can't do either one of those things.  Today, I went to the grocery store and it was where I used to go when my dad was still healthy enough to eat, and I remembered these heart healthy candy bars I used to buy for him that he would just gobble up, and then he spent six months with a feeding tube and couldn't eat - and I was mad at God for that.  I'm not mad at my dad - I'm mad at me and God, and I'm madder than heck.  It just seems so unfair.  So, I know how you are feeling.  But, if this is a stage of grief, maybe we will both feel better soon when we move into the next stage - whatever the heck that is.  I'm with you, dear soul, I just want my Daddy!  I just want to feed him a plate of fried chicken for lunch and watch him feed his dog half of it and then watch him enjoy ice cream or one of those heart healthy candy bars.  I just want my Dad!  You are not alone, dear soul.  I know how you feel.  I wish there was some magic formula to make us both feel better.

Storyas I can't be mad at God.  Dad had a love for God that I have rarely seen in people.  I know too Dad wanted to go to Heaven.  He was so ready.  I am not mad at Dad anymore either.  I now just feel abandoned but not just by Dad but most of my blood family.  I lost a brother in January in a horrible accident and the one remaining showed his butt right before the funeral started.  I haven't talked to him since then.  His brother in law died a the Thursday after we buried our Dad.  Really sad.  I am doing ok for now.  we will see how this ends up.  the tears come in waves!  I hate that.  never knowing when they will come!  together we can all get thru this.  I am another Daddy's girl

Elaine - I'd just let the tears come when they need to come.  As close as I am to my dad, I was even closer to my mom.  When she died, I couldn't control my crying for a long time.  Once I was in the grocery store just before Christmas and just started crying and couldn't stop.  I was so embarrassed and thought everyone thought I was a freak, but I could not stop.  You know what - it brought kindness to me.  This little lady came over and took my hands and said, "Honey, I don't know what is wrong, but God told me to tell you that he loves you."  I then told her that my mom had died and Christmas was my mom's favorite time of the year, and she just talked to me.  Maybe some people thought I was a freak, but you know what - more people will be kind than judgmental.  As for your brother, why is it that a death in the family always causes someone to show their butt?  I had the same thing in my family with both my mom's and my dad's funeral.  At my mom's funeral, my brother was harrassing my mom's best friend cuz he didn't want her there.  My brothers didn't even show up for my dad's funeral, but all of their kids showed up - the grandchildren through them.  Everyone I've talked to has told me that someone began to show their butt around the death of a family member.  I don't understand why, but it seems to be pretty common.  I'm sorry that happened to you.  I'm glad you are not feeling angry any more - it sounds like you are moving through the stages of grief, so maybe you will feel better soon.  I'm getting over my anger too, but am not all the way there.  You know, my dad gave me a dog from the other side - you can send out the men in the little white coats now.  The last few months my dad was alive, we talked about the dog he would get me some day - a white bull dog with a black spot over each eye and a black spot on his back.  Well, two days after my dad's funeral out of the blue a rescue contacted me and asked me if I could take an abused dog (my dad was a child abuse survivor and I tried to help him through that, especially during his illness) that they'd rescued from a hoarder.  I opened the picture, and it was the exact dog my dad had described he wanted to get me.  So, I took him.  I got him Saturday night, and I named him Elbert, which is my father's middle name.  And, he is sucha  peaceful soul that he lays his paw on me and helps me feel better.  My daddy some how worked it out to bring the dog to me that I should have from cities away, and it is helping me to feel a bit better.  Every time I look at Elbert, I remember how much my dad loves me.  I'm still a little mad - not at my dad - but I'm getting a little better all the time.

Storyas thank you so much for all the kind words.  I had a strange thing happen Monday night.  I had my cell phone beside me but it never rang.  When I went to bed that night around midnight I saw a missed call from my Dad's house so I thought something might be wrong with my stepmom.  I didn't call her since it was so late so I called her Tuesday morning to tell her I was returning her call.  She swears she didn't call me.  Dad was really bad about calling my cell instead of my home phone.  Maybe he was wanting to talk to me.  made me feel good anyway.  the biggest problem I am having right now is playing his death over and over in my mind.  Maybe shock of how it happened.  I dunno but it is maddening!

Elaine, I am sorry it has taken so long to write back.  I had a friend die about two weeks after my dad, and there were a lot of mixed emotions with that death as he was an alcoholic who would never acknowledge his problem or how he hurt people, so when he died all I felt was the old rages at how he had hurt me, so I've been kinda out of commission.  Thank God my dad quit drinking and was trying to be the best person he could be so that I could have good thoughts of him when he passed.  I know what you mean about the cell phone - I swear it was my Dad trying to call me the night after he died when my phone rang but there was no registry of an incoming call when I answered it and there was no one there.  There is a section on this website about After Death Experiences.  You should go to it and read it.  It even talks about receiving phone calls.  I think reading that might help you.  I know it is hard not to replay the final time we were with them or their death if we were there in our head.  I keep replaying the last hours I had with my dad even though I left before he died.  But, I'm finding the ability to go numb, stay as busy as possible and isolate myself from it but then I start crying at a party when I sit down and am not rushing so much that I can't stay busy enough to run from it.  My dad's best friend had a party Sunday night and he lives next door to where my dad lived before he went into assisted living.  About 11 o'clock that night, whoever s living in my dad's old house turned the bathroom light on, and I just started crying and had to walk away from the party.  And, now I'm sitting here typing this and have stopped moving, so I'm crying again.  So, I'm gonna go mop the kitchen floor, because keeping moving seem sto help me right now.

I still love my dad, he has been gone 8 years, 9 this October....his birthday is Monday....I have fond memories, he just loved me so, and I think about that....what a wonderful person, my mom was too....I have lost both parents....Dad, I love you, happy Father's Day, and happy birthday my dear dad....I LOVE YOU!!

Rachel, Welcome!  It is never too long to be on a group like this.  I go in person to a group in my city, and there are people still coming who lost loved ones ten and twenty years ago.  There are triggers like birthdays, mothers day, fathers day, holidays - the pain around those times seems to never go away.  My mom's favorite time of the year was Christmas.  She died right before Christmas, and now I hate Christmas.  I do it for others, but I find no joy in it any more.  And, me and my dad gave out candy at Halloween each year.  We dressed up in costumes and everything, and we had a blast.  I know I'm going to hate Halloween now too.  And, my dad died a week before his birthday, so I'm going to hate the whole month of April.  For father's day though, I bought him a card.  I'm going to leave it on his grave.  I'll still be coming here in 8 years too, because I love my dad and was loved by my dad like you.  I'm glad you came to get support in getting through his birthday and father's day.  My prayers are with you.

my mother died before Christmas as well....last Christmas was horrible....it was just another day of horribleness....its awful....I wish I could visit my dad's grave, but he is too far away, but I know he is at home, he was buried where he grew up....there isnt really pain involved about him, I got over him a long time ago, it doesnt really hurt, its actually peaceful, and I am glad for that....thats what he wants for me....my mom is a different story....that will take tons of time, I cant think of her or I get real upset....she was so special, I miss her too much....I need lots of therapy to recover from the loss of her....but I know all will be fine....I am a fighter....thanks for welcoming me....I like this type of outlet, to just talk when you want to....

I lost both parents to cancer, that doesnt help matters....they died almost the same exact way....makes it even harder....they both died within 2 weeks of diagnosis...its uncanny....

Rachel,  I am sorry that you lost both of your parents and so quickly after diagnosis.  That doesn't give you any time to prepare.  I know what you mean about your mom - it was way harder for me to get over loosing my mom.  I think cuz girls doe things with their moms and boys do things with their dads.  Me and my mom went shopping and out to eat and to the doctor even together.  We talked on the phone every day, and I talked to my dad through her - "Tell Daddy I love him.  How's Daddy doing today?"  It was only after she died that me and my dad started talking on the phone directly to each other every day.  I love my dad and I miss him so much, but it really is harder without my mom.  Plus, in my generation Dad's went out to work and fed us with the money, but we didn't always see that part.  We just knew Daddy was gone.  But, mom was home with us and taking care of us and us relying on her for everything, so when Mom goes - wow, that is loosing the person who took care of us every day.  That doesn't mean Daddy's role was not important, but maybe Daddy didn't get enough credit for all his hard work cuz us kids didn't understand that Daddy was bringing home the money that bought us food and a home and stuff.  I am glad you are here to talk.  Maybe it will help with your mom's loss a bit too.  I think there is a group for Mom's and for Parent's but I haven't joined them yet.  I just lost my dad a few weeks ago, so I started here.  But, I do plan to get on the Mom and Parents discussions as well when I feel I'm up to it.  Have you checked those out yet?

My dad passed away on June 1st from a sudden heart issue. I never got to say goodbye. There are times when I feel like I'm doing really well, that I've accepted it and moved on. Then there are times when it hits me like a pile of bricks. I just don't know what to do with myself.

Hi Liz.  Welcome!  I'm sorry that you need to be here, but am grateful that you found us, so we can help you through this tough time.  Of course it sometimes hits you like a ton of bricks.  It's only been a few weeks.  My dad died April 21, and it still hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes.  I was going through the grocery store just the day before yesterday, and I remembered all the times he went shopping with me on his little Hoverround scooter before he got so sick he had to go in a nursing home, and I just cried all the way through the store.  I didn't care who looked at me funny.  I figured if anyone could judge me when I was in that much pain that there was something wrong with them.  I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to say goodbye.  I think that must be harder when it happens suddenly like that.  You are probably a bit in a state of shock because of how suddenly it happened, or at least that would be my guess.  I will say a prayer for you today.  Hang in there.  It does get better, slowly, over time.  And one thing I've learned in a grief support group I go to in my city - there is no timetable.  Everyone will handle their grief differently.  Just be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself and give yourself the time and whatever else you need to heal from this.  It does get better, but don't let anyone tell you when or how fast that should happen.  It will happen at the best pace for you.

i recently lost my father to Leukemia on mothers day May 8th, 2011.. I have been feeling so helpless and sooo lost since his passing.

Melissa, I'm so sorry about the loss of your father.  I think it is normal to feel helpless and lost, but I know it is very uncomfortable to feel that way.  I think the thing that might help is to find people you trust to talk about it.  And, please do know that you will feel better with time.  It will not always be that way.  My dad died two months ago, and I felt very helpless and lost.  It is improving, although some days I do still feel that way.  You know, one thing that helped me is that I had some of those After Death Experiences (read that part of this website) and realized my dad was telling me he was okay.  That made me feel some better.  Are you having any after death experiences - dreams or rainbows or other things.  When I read that and realized I was having some of those experiences, I felt a little less lost and helpless.  Well, I still felt lost I guess, but I felt less helpless.  I'm not sure how to explain it.  Maybe that will help you too - maybe?  I will say a prayer for you today.

Melissa, I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time.  I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.  I think you have every right to be angry that people expect you to just be over it.  That is so unfair.  Every grief support group I've gone through has said that there is not time frame and you need to be allowed to take all the time you need.  That is what the grief experts say - that you take all the time you need.  Three months really isn't that long ago at all.  I lost my dad two months ago, and it feels like yesterday most of the time.  I can understand how you can be mad at your dad for not going to the hospital.  I can kinda understand why he made that choice though as I'm a lot like your dad.  I'm terrified of doctors due to bad things that happened in the past, and I often put things off longer than I should.  I guess I'll leave an angry family member behind one day if I can't get over the doctor phobia.  I just know that he was not in any way wanting to hurt you and would not want you to be hurt.  About a month after m dad died, I was so worried about him wondering if he was okay that I asked God to let me know he was okay.  Early the next morning my phone rang at the exact same time he died but the call did not show up in my call call log.  The same thing had happened exactly 24 hours after he died.  Maybe if you still feel you need those signs, maybe you can pray and ask God for another message.  Maybe you will get one as I did.  I can't guarantee it, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

Hi Melissa.  You know - I totally get where you are coming from in wondering if your dad is okay.  I don't hear a lot of people talk about that, but I have worried worried worried.  Part of it is due to the fact that my dad had PTSD from child abuse inflicted on him as a child.  The abuse was so severe that he was left handicapped for life and got Parkinsons from blows to the head, so that type of abuse is hard to overcome.  His PTSD caused him to have behaviors and for a few years in his mid life caused him to drink a lot to escape the pain of his body's handicaps and his abuse memories.  The church I grew up in told me he was evil for this and assured me and him bad things would happen when he died, and this caused him to be terrified as he was dying.  This is why I felt so bad when I left him.  But, he did pray many prayers for forgiveness,with a final one occurring just a few hours before he died.  But, still, when you grow up in such a hateful church that tells you such horrible things from the day you are born, well, you can't help but worry about your loved one and wonder if they are okay.  I sent an email to our Coach Diana, but it doesn't appear that she wrote me back.  I was so devastated by this worry of whether he was okay that I just needed to talk to someone and get some reassurance, and that is why I wrote to Diana on a personal email.  At the same time, I am seeing enough After Death Experiences that I have to ask if either maybe what we are taught about the afterlife is not fully understood by those who teach it to us.  I've already told you about some after death experiences I had in previous posts - the dog my dad sent me from the other side, the huge rainbow that stayed in front of my car for five miles even though I turned and ended up also being in front of my nieces house in another city, etc.  Well, another thing that has happened is that my dad died at 4:25 in the morning.  The next morning at 4:25, my phone rang.  When I answered it, no one was there.  And, the call did not register on my call log even though calls always register.  About a month later, I was so worried about him I asked God to give me a sign he was okay.  At 4:25 the next morning, my phone rang again and again it did not show up on my call log.  Well, last night my phone rang a little before 6:00 a.m. I realized then that there was a feeling that went along with those rings - I knew it was the same type of call.  I got up and picked up the phone and again it cut off and the call did not register on my call log.  It was not 4:25.  It was almost 6.  I freaked out.  I began to worry for him.  I thought maybe he was calling to tell me he needed help, and I was laying there crying and thinking - but I'm here and he's there and there is no way i can help him.  Fifteen minutes later I got a text from my niece.  I did not even know she had gone into labor.  My dad's great-grandson, my grand-nephew, was born just a few minutes before the phone rang.  I don't know what my dad was telling me with that one - maybe he just wanted me to know my nephew was born or maybe he wanted me to know he'd be with the child, so I should be looking for him around the child.  My niece thinks he will be her son's guardian angel as signs have shown us that grandparents are around all of her other children.  I don't know what it means, but I do know that I've learned enough from these that I absolutely believe that you felt your dad with you yesterday and that is what those temperatures you were feeling were about.  And, I think it is okay for you to be mad at God.  I was really mad at God after my mom died and feel some of it now with my dad.  God loves us - he can handle it just like our parents could handle it when we were little kids and got mad at them cuz we didn't like what they were trying to teach us.  I was going through the store the other day and thinking - he had just retired; he had just got his flea market business off the ground; he had one great summer with his flea market business that made him the happiest he'd been in decades - and then he got so bad over the winter that he never got to go back to his flea market business.  It seemed so unfair.  But, maybe they have so much better where they are now that these things that seem important here aren't so important any more.  I hope your dad continues to visit you.  I hope my dad continues to visit me.  That is - as long as it doesn't take anything away from them to do so.

On June 19th, 2011 my dad was diagnosed with advanced liver cancer.  He had hepatitis all of his adult life.  When people get diagnosed with cancer, they get to do all the things they've always wanted to do.....or get to do the "one last time" list.....let's go to the cabin "one last time".....let's eat at your favorite place "one last time", etc.  My dad didn't get to do any of those things.  He passed away July 9th.  It was too short and I hope one day to not be angry.

Found by 'accident' (?) via My Daddy Prayed.wmv http://www.youtube.com/watch?f​eature=player_embedded&v=WwzlJ​y...

 

I sent this Beautiful Soul this link http://www.onlinegriefsupport.​com/group/ilovemydad

 

Yes..I miss my Dad too..He was an amazing man..full of love and life.  I am so sad he is gone..He was such a light in our lives. He was so wonderful..full of love,  and had so many passions. He was born in NY but his parents came from Italy. He spoke fluent italian..and loved his heritage. He liked to cook and sing and dance and garden and live life. He was a builder and he spent the last two years of his life drawing up plans..always hoping that he could build his one last dream house. He was the sunshine on a cloudy day. His eyes sparkled with life right to the end. I suppress alot of sadness about losing him bc who wants to hear that everyday. I miss you Dad..I just do. I told him once before he died he needs to come get me if he see's I am not doing well here without him. He's not cooperated yet!  Maybe he still will. I like going to the cemetary, I never thought I would be one of those people that did that..but I feel close to him there..Now I see why people do that because  its the closest you can come to being near them and I can talk to him and tell him how much I miss him and its funny I actually convince myself he can hear..and then I tell him how mad I am at him for being gone. Ahh,,Death where is the victory, oh grave where is they sting> I guess here its okay to say just how you feel. I'm glad I did. There's something good about expressing how much you love someone. Thats a good thing. I hope one day the pain will be less..for now I am just going to vent what I feel and see where that takes me. laura

I just joined today. I lost my dad suddenly on August 3, 2011. He died from the aftereffects of a ruptored aorta. My whole family lives in Germany - I am the only one that lives here in the US. I miss my family so much right now. I can't concentrate on work, and I forget the stupidest things. They say this is normal, but it is very difficult right now. I cry at the most inappropriate times. It seems like people at work think I should be over it, but it JUST happened. I am glad I found this place online.

 

I lost my dad June 29th and it still seems like yesterday. He died suddenly from a blood clot. So I started work as well and am forgetting simple things daily. At times it feels as though I'm walking in a fog and everything is in slow motion. I still think of Dad and the day he died. And the fact he died so quickly. when your world seems upside down being forgetful I think happens . I'm sorry for your loss. You are not alone in your sorrow.

Oh Janice ...the words you write seem to be explaining me. You are not alone. I will pray for you. I do believe in God and hope you will discover that your father is still with you ...I still have bad days and wonder why too. My little boys no longer have a grandfather and I no longer have a dad. I still needed him greatly. So please take comfort in knowing ....I feel your pain. I struggle everyday as well. Take care and God bless you.

I try to see that in the case of our Dad's dying (I had to make the decision to take my father off life support as I had POA), I think God is looking out for the heart and soul of the one who will be gone, not us. I never wanted to make that decision and I never wanted to watch my father die but I did, because I knew it was what he wanted. Which is why I was able to do it. We always knew his wishes to not be kept alive. And my heart broke and I too think god was not with me that day, or maybe since, but I hold on thinking that he's busy with my dad. Helping him through his new journey as he leaves us. I would rather have god help my daddy than me right now. My time will be soon. I prayed for dreams of my dad too ( I got one glorious dream, but nothing since) and am waiting.... I just think Dad's busy right now with other things... he'll come to me soon. I can only hold on.  There was a line in Ghost Whisperer.. that the soul of a departed one can't come through to you when you're in grief as the veil of sadness is too thick.. they can only visit you when you finally are happy... a thought.

I lost my dad in January 2011. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. It feels like ... I'm trying not to remember at times because when I do it hurts sooo bad. My dad passed on January 6th in his sleep and I found my mom January 17th , she died too. I have been lost since then. I miss my dad a terrible amount, and my mom too. There are few days I don't cry. I'm only 27, I've lost my grandparents my mom and my dad. I feel ...orphaned. Sometimes I feel angry. They were supposed to ALWAYS be there. But they were in pain....but even telling myself they are in a better place doesn't help. Because I want them here and they can't come back. The little girl in me wants to play soccer with my dad one more time, call him at 10 oclock at night to tell him something stupid or something funny my kid did. I just miss them so much. After it happened, all of it, I found myself doubting my faith...for the first time in my life. I struggled through it and have learned that I don't have to understand God's plan, its bigger than me, I just have to go through it. Somehow, I made it. My parents, my dad, were my best friends. They were there for me for everything. I was there for my dad when he was an alcoholic and went to rehab, when he was sick, when he lost his eyesight, when his kidneys failued, when he went to dialysis, when he got the news that he had cancer and every appointment since then. Through all that I got to know my dad as this amazing man with a heart that I didnt know as a child. I missed out on so much with him growing up and I felt like I was finally getting that back as we grew to forgive and get to know eachother without his alcoholism getting in the way. That was taken from me. I see a diet coke and I think of him, I take my daughter to soccer practice and I remember how he was there for every single practice I ever had, I sit at her school waiting for her and I remember how proud I was to get in his old chevy truck when he picked me up. Grandparents day came at her school and she said to me.... I don't have any grandparents to come to school for me. It broke my heart. I know the emptiness and pain won't ever go away. I wont ever stop missing them. But I have faith that I will learn to be happy. It took me months to laugh again. It may take years, but I know I'll find my happy place again. I just wish I could hug them one more time.

Me too. I just want one more hug...one more I love you. I just never thought he would pass so soon. You never think about the most unwelcomed day in my life. Dad was always there for me and was always at home. I've had one dream of dad but keep praying for more.

Ive had a couple of dreams of my mom and dad. It's like, I pray for more because it's better to at least see them there. But then I wake up so sad because they aren't really here. After having a few dreams I just stopped sleeping because it was sooo hard on me when I woke up. It's such a big adjustment. I didn't realize how much of my identity was based in my parents.

 

So true. My identity was defined by my parents. When one is missing.....all seems lost. Like a lost soul in life. I am fortunate to have had a dad who wanted to be a dad. So many are robbed of that chance. For reasons unknown. Thank you God for giving me a great dad for 38 years of my life. I am grateful for that.

That's what I try to remind myself. How grateful I am to have parents that loved me, and are worth missing. I'm thankful for the time I had with them even though it was cut way too short.

 

i still miss my dad even though its been years....not like my mom, but i wish i had them both around, to kind of guide and comfort me.....it was so nice just knowing they were there and they were both relatively healthy all their lives....never take for granted the loves you have....they are precious....cherish every moment, i know i did :)

I am totally with you on that. I miss his voice so much and his laugh the most.

yes i remember his voice very well....it could be domineering, but also comforting and sweet.....the laugh was just classic....it was very sweet, my mom'slaugh was the same....she had almost a cackle, and i remember her just looking at me with this huge smile on her face....its comforting...thanks for sharing, it brings back "good" memories....i kind ofblocked things out....rach

Thank you for sharing!! A dad simply is such a huge part of your being....and sometimes until they are gone you fully were complete ...and whole....now it seems that feeling will not return again until we meet them again in heaven.

its hard to lose a dad especially when he was all you knew growing up, he was like my mom and such a special person....and your welcome, ilove sharing about him, i just wish there was a way he could still be here, to guide me andlisten and protect me....its so hard on your own

thanks christian

I feel the same way......

:)

Lost my dad 2 weeks ago today to his 3 1/2 yr battle with cancer.  I miss him so terribly much.

I'm so sorry....I feel your pain...you are not alone dear.

Thank you Christianlee

I lost my dad four years ago last week and it still hurts so much. He passed away right before I graduated from college. We had just started making plans for my graduation party and my upcoming wedding. It still hurts so much, I have such a hard time dealing with him being gone. He never got to meet my daughter, see my wedding, etc. I miss him so much

amber - so sorry for your loss. i really relate to your story and pain, i lost my dad 3 months ago. he died the day before my wedding of a heart attack. i cannot tell you how devastating it has been...i try to look back on my wedding fondly because i know he would have wanted that but the pain overshadows it. we were so close. i know the pain will never go away but i think of how much more hope i have for the future even in these past few weeks, that keeps me going. i know that focusing on the good times we had together helps but it's still hard feeling cheated out of all those special moments and big events he won't be there for.

Megan and Amber, I'm so sorry for your losses.

thank you Brandi, you too. know that it gets better. i don't think it ever goes away, but it gets better.

Thanks Megan.  Everyone says it gets easier.  I'm sure it does.  But I can't even imagine it hurting less. 
Something really strange happened when I came home tonight.  I don't know how much "after life" any of you guys believe in but I totally think my dad was here tonight.  I'm practically shaking and my adrenaline is running.  I know I sound like a complete lunatic right now.

i don't know what i believe in but losing my dad has definitely made me believe in something. i've felt him around, especially on my wedding day. there's no doubt in my mind that he was there. aside from that i see butterflies all the time, they follow me. i know it's a cliche but it's so strange. my mom says a lot of weird things have been happening around their house (phone off the hook, tv turns on, etc). she's not frightened by it, just sees it as him trying to tell us he's watching over.