Online Grief Support - A Social Community
John B
Male
Vancouver
Canada
Profile Information:
- About Me:
- I'm an artist, photographer, actor trained in fine arts.
- About my Loss:
- It's been 4 years since I went 'home' to be at my Belated Sensitive yet Stoic Father's side as I was Powerless to 'save' him via my Former TAO 'Family's Holy Water and Prayers.
Thankfully my Best and Only True Friend,whom I met 11 years ago, has called and met me every day no matter how much pain she has been in to offer me True Support, Love and Friendship, without which I would have Never 'made it' this far. Beyond the Deep Emotional Pain of having been coerced into 'giving' her son who's now 44 up for adoption, who isn't 'interested' in any 'reunion' which has been Beyond 'simply Painful, she Lost her eldest brother and mother 15 years ago and then her hard Working also in the Airforce Father 2 months before mine in December 2009.
Acceptance has Finally begun to Free me from the Hurt, Anger, Fear of ANY Conflicts and Expectations of my 'family' to acknowledge and Apologize for what I now am beginning to see and Accept & LET GO of my 'FaLsE pRiDe' and 'ego's Stubborness. Thankfully I no longer FeeL as HuRt & aNgRy as I did.
Here's what I typed 1 - 2+ years ago.
I saw My Father Edward Vincent pass away in Agony from Cancer February 23, 2010 after being at his side everyday for 8 hours for 3 weeks. Eight months later, "me second mum" Dorothy, who 'adopted' me after making our first online digital film about Adoption passed away Oct.29, 2010. They met a few times and I was very happy to see the Parents I 'should' have had get along so well unlike my Mother whose Fear and Perfectionistic Demands and Berating of my Dad and I 'created' Most of The TeNsIoN and Drama we didn'T 'need', BrEaKiNg our 'family' apart as she lost her 'father' to alcoholism she still DENIES when she was 14 on My Birthday 7 years before I was born. She EXPECTED me to be 'PERFECT OR ELSE !"
After nearly 5 EmOtIoNaLLy PaInFuL Years, I am Finally Accepting, Forgiving and becoming More Grateful for how My Strong Year of the Ox Virgo Leo Rising Mother HAD to be 'living' 'with' my sometimes Stubborn Penny Pinching Poverty Razed in the Bush During the 1930s Gambling AdDiCtEd Father.
Because he was a bit of a Hoarder, she Had to end up giving away his 'junk' ouT of their 'home' 1 Month after he died.
Now I realize that because she Lost her own Father at the age of 14, she Emotionally ShuT Down and HAD to Maintain 'Control' in order to 'SuRvIvE' and Make Sure we Grew up Healthy, Having to Fight for The Excellent Food she cleaned, cooked,baked from scratch, as well as sewed and cared for us 24/7 Daily, Despite my sometimes Alcohol and Sugar Fuel'd Father's Rage of her Spending "MY (His) Hard Earned minimum wage) Money!"
Thanks to Dave, a 57 year old who just found out he was Adopted 2 years ago who Listens to me for up to an hour on the phone without Ever Criticizing, Controlling or 'giving' any 'advice' as well as Al-anon and the 12 Steps, I found this book which is Helping me to Understand, Accept and Forgive My Amazing Mother, as she Too was Powerless and Terrified as a Child having Lost her Father at the Young age of 14 and there were NO 'support' groups available for her as there are now.
http://www.google.ca/#sclient=psy&hl=en&rlz=1R2GGLL_enCA330... Music Helps !
http://www.soundstrue.com/shop/Gregg-Braden%E2%80%99s-Music-from-th...
dream moon JO B
iv just doonloaded it so far all i hav dun is cort cloud formatsions no xsuxce for forget the date with this camra it has the time and date on it i hav a litle mini cmacorda but evry time i try to ctach any thng the batries seam to die on me
Dec 1, 2012
dream moon JO B
Dec 1, 2012
dream moon JO B
hear is the 1st i took 1 of my drawings 1 of the cloud formatsion i took looks like a human swiming in the sky
Dec 1, 2012