I am so lonely today.  She lived with me, I cared for her.  She died just a little over a month ago and I am so friggin lonely.

Today i went to go hear a voice mail i have saved since mom passed in march and it was gone so it got deleted and not sure how. I am so upset it was the only thing I had that had her voice on it. I feel so lost now ..just sad i cried and just feel a hole in my heart.. sigh 

I am not really concerned about my  health. Death seems like a relief , if its quick and relatievely painless one. Grief is like a bottomless hole that can never be filled. Its difficult to walk with a hole in one's heart.

We will never "get over" losing our mothers. However, those of you that do have a partner, children, etc. are in a better situation for lack of a better way to put it.

Casey: Your mother would want you to take care of yourself. We do not know how our own death is going to be. It might be quick or NOT.

Keri K: I went thru the same as you. Mom and I were roommates and best friends. It is completely devastating. But, take heart I am standing three years after, and like you I thought my body and soul would not endure this huge loss. Pray, ask for God to give you the strength for just today, the power we do not have on our own.

God Bless us all.

Oh my goodness, Nancy. You 100% need a new counselor. That is extremely unprofessional and I can only assume she has not experienced the loss of someone close to her. When one of my grandmothers died she was in her late nineties. Her body had been slowly failing her for years. She was going blind and was unable to get around as she used to. She was a very religious woman and she would constantly remark that she was ready to leave this world. Even knowing that their mother felt her time was up (and was very accepting of the eventuality of her death) did nothing to diminish the heartache that my Father and his siblings felt and still feel about her passing. Grief isn't something you try to rationalize. I don't believe anyone who has experienced the loss of someone so precious to them will ever get over it. Don't worry, you are not alone in your feelings. She is the one who was wrong. If you do change doctors I would encourage you to let her know your reasoning so that she does not hurt any of her other clients in the same way. Maybe in a letter or something, if confrontation is to difficult?

I can relate to what everyone is saying here, i lost my mom october 10th to lung cancer. I lived with her for most of my life and she was my life. I am greatful for everyone sharing. I dont think i will ever feel better again. 

I just cant stop crying, is this ever going to get any better?

Dear Valerie:

Believe it or not, it took weeks to go beyond a state of shock after my mother's passing to start crying as you are. That says a lot about your inner strength.

Is it going to get better? From my own personal xperience it will never be the same. But, in due time the grief will re-surface when there is an emotional trigger. The love for my mother and the gratitude for the time together has deepened. And, life goes on in a different way until we are together again (when it is our time).

The soul is eternal. Our mother live us. Their passing is not the end for them. They are in a beautiful place where there is not pain, only peace and love.

Thank you so much Martha, i just came back from the store and the christmas music playing really got to me. I know that love and gratitude, i have it for my mother. I really think i was in shock to at first and now the reality of it being true is setting in. It feels like a nightmare i cant wake up from. I love that you wrote they are in a place of peace and love, and i am so glad i will be with her again. I just keep praying for god to help me. Thank you again Martha.

We are here for you Valerie.

Life on this earth was meant for service to others. Little gestures make a difference. And, we must be extra good because our mothers are above watching from Heaven.

Thank you Martha for being here. I am trying, it just feels to hard right now.

good to see martha here after a while.  As for the grief it is going to be there and i am trying to live with it. i have done some things to keep myself sane but l tell you its been two years now and regularly engage in a dialogue as i know we are not alone and they are watching us

I am panicking, i need this to stop, i am doing deep breathing and it isnt helping, I am just crying out to god to help me.

Mom died on 10-8-15.  She wanted to be cremated so that was exactly what I did.  My brother had the ashes since October 15.   I am from Texas and flew to Florida during my Thanksgiving break to get mom ashes   I am so sad.  It is hard to believe that my mom's body is in a little box.  I opened the box, touched the ashes and started crying.  I am still crying while writing.  I feel so sad.  I love her so much.  I miss her so much.  It is hard to come to Florida and just have her ashes and not been able to see her, to talk with her, to touch her hair, to cut her finger nails, to brush her hair, to take her to the restaurant, to the doctor, to the beauty salon, to see her dancing, to see her smiling.   I will never be able to enjoy life again. I just feel empty without my mom.   

I am so sorry Margie, i know this sadness when i brought my moms ashes home i sat them in her chair in her room where she always sat sewing her quilts, and couldnt believe either my moms body was in that box. I feel i am never going to enjoy life again either. My mom went 2 days after yours, i am still in disbelief. I am sending you a hug, i know this pain.

Thank you for the hug Valerie. We are both in pain. I am sending you a hug too.

Oh Cheryl, Happy Birthday, and i  am so sorry for what your going through. I have been reading that sometimes when we really just start to really grieve when the reality sets in, that others are already moving on and think we should be doing so too. Well nobody can tell us how to feel, or how long we should grieve. A new friend said the grieving never really gets better. So thank god we have this place to come and grieve. I cant believe my mom died, and that i am now alone in this world, and the pain of missing her right now is to much. I am praying for us all. 

Thank you Margie. Prayers and Hugs.

My mom went to the hospital last january for what she thought was the flu, and having trouble breathing. Then in july she had a bowel blockage, and after the surgery, they werent giving her inhaler, and i had to tell them she uses it every 4 hours at home, and they did a chest x ray and the found a  4.6 mass on her left lung, then august at the lung surgeon she showed us two images of her lung one from january 4th 2015, and one from july 2015, she said they didnt look much different, my mom and i are were shocked, that nobody ever told us of the image from january, in january it was a 1.3 nodule, in july a large mass to close to her heart to operate, and refered to hospice, then the end of september i caught a virus, and my mom was fine, she was taking care of me, then 3 days later she got it and she died a week later after hospice overdosed her on morphine not for pain but for breathing.

It sure does suck!!!

Aww, Valerie.  I'm so sorry to hear this :'(.  God bless you and your family.  I just get so angry when I hear about how hospitals/MDs "fall down on the job."  They get up and get to live while we and our loved ones are subjected to their completely life-altering errors (in diagnosis, dispensing of medicine--everything).  Regardless, I hope that you and your mom had some comfort those last few days (as she took care of you).  I had a similar situation with my mom toward the end, and I always wonder what could have been done differently.  The love for one's mom is like no other, that's for sure.  Not even close...

Sheryl... 3 months is so soon in--of course you're still grieving--duh!!  It's barely been a season...  You and your family will be in my thoughts.  Do have a good birthday considering the circumstances.  At least we're able to have birthdays (even if we take them for granted sometimes!)!

Yes. Chris it does make you wonder. So true the love for your mom is like no other, and their love for us the same, thats why i think its so hard, when we lose that unconditional love, i know they still are with us , but its not the same. And thank you Chris for your kind words.

I lost my Mom a week and a half ago and the pain is unbearable.  I keep wanting to text her to tell her something funny I saw, or something funny my son did and when I remember she's not there to text anymore the pain is horrible.  Every time my unborn daughter kicks it's a reminder that my Mom won't get to meet her.  I just wish I had my Mom back.

I am so sorry Jackie for your loss. I know the pain. Its been 7 weeks for me and i still cant stop crying, and still begging god to help me get through this and i just want her to come home. I just dont understand why we have to suffer this horrible pain.

Sorry for you loss, Jackie.  It has been one month and three weeks for me.  Like Valerie I am still crying every day.  I can't stop thinking about her.  I kiss her picture every day and greet her.  Like you I wish I have my mother back.   I miss her so much.   

Hi Garret, i have had many signs that my mom is here still, its of course not the same i know but i know your moms can see and will watch over you guys, she will be be there for the big moments and see, i really believe this. I know it will never be the same, and i wake up with the thoughts of her everyday, and still cry everyday. The holidays are just way to hard to deal with. I am trying to do just one day at a time sometimes its a min at a time, and this morning i told myself christmas is one day, and i am just going to try and not focus on it all for the next 24 days, I dont know if i can do that but i am going to try.

Margie i so know your pain i do the same with my moms picture, and i cant stop thinking about her. And Garret, my niece and her kids came on saturday to stay the night and my niece cried after going in my moms room, and she tried to stop herself i told her you can cry all you want she is worth crying about, she said i know but i am trying to be strong for you, i said it just shows you love her and i am glad you do. So yes we are lucky to have had mothers that are worth missing, i think the depth of our grief is the depth of our love for them, and so we know these are great loves we have all had with them. I miss the comfort of her i felt safe in the world with her, My whole life is now turned upside down, i just pray for peace for us all and our moms who we love more than words can ever describe.

You are being very positive Garret, i know your mom is proud of you. I never took the hoildays for granted with my mom the last few yrs, i told her she was my my present, so i would make bows the night before and in the morning before we opened our presents i would tell her again she was my present and put the bow on her, So on her picture i have out i put a bow on it. She was the greatest blessing of my whole life, and she told me that too. She told me if she wasnt here for christmas, to take the money i always gave her to shop with and to buy presents from her for me. I said i would and i am, but it will not be the same at all without her here. She actually left me money to shop from her, for the rest of my christmas's without her. I know what love is because of my mom, for that i am greatful, but the sadness, is more than i can take. Its so painful.

And even though i am doing what she said, i dont care about things right now at all, i just want my mom to come home.

Valerie, Garrett, and Margie-I'm sorry you're going through this too.  I'm happy to see all the positivity on here.  Like all of you I am hit or miss.  Yesterday was my first day of "real life" since she passed and that was hard, but I made it through.  Today is harder for whatever reason-it is raining out so I can't help but wonder if all this yucky weather is just making me feel even more blah.  I am not looking forward to the holidays but I have managed to put up the decorations for my son so he will have happy memories.

Garrett-Your Mom sounds like she was awesome-I would love a closet like that.  My Mom did not have as fancy of a walk in closet, but she did have a ridiculous shoe and purse collection!

Every day when I finish working and get in the car to go home, the first thing I do is cry.  I cry and cry and ask why my mom is gone. I can't believe it.  She was so adorable.  Singing and dancing for me. Posing for me.  There are so many things that are stuck in my mind, things that I will never forget. She taught me values and principles. She was very proud of me.  I wish I have her with me right now. Mom, I love you so much.

I know Margie, i keep crying asking god the same thing, i cry and cry and say i just want my mom. I wish there was something that could make it all ok for us. I seem to just keep reliving the worst at the end, and its all to painful. Your mom sounds wonderful Margie. I have alot of anxiety, and panic attacks going on, my 2nd worst fear after losing my mom is losing teeth i have been afraid of it my whole life, and i got an infection after my mom died and they have to take one of my side teeth and i have to  get a plate or you will see it some if i smile and thats not acceptable to me, i am in alot of physical pain right now, they havent done it yet, as i was crying in the dentist office about my mom, and my teeth, and they said it didnt have to be done that day. I feel like i am living in a nightmare that i cant wake up from, its all to much. I just keep asking god to help. I have isolated, and i needed to some what but not as much as i am, but i cant help it i am just scared to death right now. When my mom first died i had just started seeing someone, and i was in shock for a week, and then i told him i needed some time alone to grieve, when the shock wore off i was just sick, i still feel sick inside. I dont feel ok.

I forgot to add that the guy i as seeing said he wasnt strong enough to handle my needing time alone, so he is gone. He thought i was being selfish, he had no idea of the magnitude of my loss, he was new in the picture. I had lived with my mom for 53 yrs all my life, i never wanted to get married after what i saw what happened to my mom and dad.

Hi Annie, I am so sorry for your loss, i know this will be my first christmas without my mom too. The whole thing is just a nightmare to me.

Beyond Closure

The video I just posted was done at a TED event. She talks about closure and how we have to work with it. It's not about ignoring what happened, moving on and forgetting about it. It's about how to work with the loss.

Hi Nancy, so sorry for the loss of you mom. I know the pain of reliving those last days. What a nice thing to do to celebrate her life like that. It still feels unreal to me that my mom is gone i know she is still with me but. its not the same. I was just crying . John i will watch the video.

Annie i am afraid of the future too.