is it true that the hardest hit are those who do not have the next generation in front of them ? that is its tough to find a purpose to live ?

Some days my sadness washes over me like a tsunami wave; sucking the breath right out of me. And some days I feel like I can cope pretty well. It's such a roller coaster! My Mom has only been gone a month and I have kept her cremains with me. She wanted to have them scattered off the coast and I will do that. Just not yet. People have asked me when I'm going to do it and I know it's probably because they want to be part of it. I get that. It's just that I'm not ready and, quite frankly, at this point I'm not sure I ever will be. Sometimes I can only cope one hour at a time. Maybe some day I can climb the mountain to one day at a time. 

Regina,

I know exactly what you are saying.  I lost my mom on October 8, 2015. I cry everyday.  I will have her cremains pretty soon.  My brother has them right now.  She never told me what she wanted me to do with them so I will keep them until the day I die. I have to go to work tomorrow and I really do not want to go.  I really don't want to do anything just see her pictures and watch her videos.     I will never be the same.  I am not happy any more.   I feel empty, very empty.  

My Mama passed away January 16, 2012. I am still having a rough time trying to deal with her death. My Mama and I were the best of friends. I miss her so so much. Not a day goes by that I dont think about her. I cry all the time missing her.

Dear friends:

I am so very grateful for Karen who created this group.

I lost my mother April 11th, 2012 and was guided here, it helped.

My mom, my best friend, best roommate I ever had is in my thought daily. Now, I am able to function in this world but it will never be the same. Turn to your religious/ spiritual beliefs and pray for God to give you strength, and send love to Mom in heaven.

Love to everyone,

Mart

Dear Nancy:

Thank goodness you have a husband and children, and your father. Some of us do not. Nevertheless, it is so painful.

Guilt is after the loss, the absolute worse. How many times have I said to myself how I should have done this and not done that. Recognize that "the false self" in all of us feeds on that. That is not the real you which is all light and goodness. Our Moms have not forgiven us because there is nothing to forgive. They love us unconditionally and eternally.

It comforts me to know she is with me spiritually. And, we will be together in Heaven when it is my time.

Meantime, pray for strength for this ONE day. We are our mother's daughters, we must live to make them proud.

I say this now after three years. The first two I walked around like a zombie.

Peace and love,

Mart

Nancy, thanks for bringing this up here.  I'm feeling our pain.  And thank you Martha, for your kind and inspiring words.

My mom passed 4 months ago from cancer that eventually spread to her brain and elsewhere.  I was caregiver and still feel a lot of guilt about the treatment and things we should have done.  We admitted her to a rehab center so she could be retrained to walk well, get rests, etc. after blood clot in her legs had her hospitalized for 3 weeks.  Then she developed pneumonia.  All the issues in the rehab center forced me to wonder if it was a wise choice.  But, we did the best we knew how as there is no instruction manual when dealing with cancer...  that's for sure.  I wish I could have been better in many ways, but am also glad in some ways because I know that it could have been worse somehow.  I'm grateful for the joy, but it's certainly a process.

So true--Christmas/holidays will be hard but we'll make it through somehow.  My sister passed on Christmas (and my brother was born on Christmas!), so the holidays have always been bittersweet.  My mom and family would vacation to get away during the holidays.  This year we won't go to Florida for vacation, so will be tough.  We'll take it a day at a time and will hopefully find some peace and serenity.

Martha:)

What you said gives me strength. I do feel a renewed sense of living as my Mama would. My Mama and I have grown our love through this journey. Her spirit is with me, loving me, always. I am only in month 9 so the pain is very intense still. I am still a zombie!   sending love to all of you that are heart broken...

Thank you Charity:)

I am a veteran in this lost battle, but God gives us strength to win the war in due time. That is to find the Peace of God.

Love everyone of you brothers and sisters united by our mothers who live on. And, wants us to help one another.

Hello All,

I just want you to know how much your stories of your Moms mean to me. I know we're all hurting. Some times worse than others. I, too, am not looking forward to the holidays this year. In fact, I've told my children (adults) that we will be going out for Thanksgiving dinner. If I had to cook that meal (just the way I learned from my Mom), I'd probably cry through the whole thing. I'm so grateful for all she taught me; things I've passed down to my daughter and she is passing on to her daughter.

We're all in this together, so thank you to all of you for sharing your hearts here.

God bless you,

Regina

Christmas break, Thanksgiving break, Spring Break, Summer break.  I always went to visit my mom during all my breaks. She was living in Florida.  Now, what?  No mom to visit during my breaks. Just thinking about it while writing this makes me cry.   I asked God everyday why she took her.  It hurts, it hurts so much.  She was so happy to see me every time I visited her.   I showed her pictures and videos of her great grandchildren.  I took her to restaurants, to the beauty salon, to my brother's house.  Every time I visited her she always served my favorite meal cooked by her.   We always enjoyed our time together. Now, I feel empty.  I am thinking about not doing anything during my breaks, just stay at home thinking about her and crying.

Honest, after Mom passed I do not "celebrate" the holidays. Just give thanks for the ones when Mom was on this earthly plane. Nothing is ever the same.

~

A message from Innovabead to all members of I miss my Mom! on Online Grief Support - A Social Community!

It's nearly 3 months since Mom died, and my father wants me to come over and clear out all of Mom's things:  clothes, shoes, jewelry, purses, etc.   I'm not sure I'm emotionally ready to do that, yet at the same time, I feel I have to help my father by taking on this daunting task.   How have you faced this?

Yes, it is very difficult. The only consolation I had was that the clothes, etc. would be donated to the needy. The rest, I have yet to go thru. Maybe, put in boxes what you would like to go through at a later time if you have the space. It is over three years for me, and I still have not gone thru everything. Have turned Mom's room into a chapel where I light candles, incense and pray.

Hi all,

Margie, I relate to what you said. My mom and I lived 5 hours apart and every holiday/break/vacation we drove to see her. I just passed the one year anniversary of her death Oct. 21 (hardest day yet for me other than when she passed) and it was hard this year. I was use to always visiting her so I did not know how to even make other plans. My family is spread out so there is not one place to go. I can feel myself already dreading the upcoming holidays (sounds like a lot of us feel the same way). It is such a huge reminder of her not being here anymore. 

Hi everyone,

I came across this quote from 'Lament for a Son' and I thought I would share it. I find it to be an apt description for how grief feels to me.

"Rather often I am asked whether the grief remains as intense as when I wrote. The answer is, No. The wound is no longer raw. But it has not disappeared. That is as it should be. If he was worth loving, he is worth grieving over.

Grief is existential testimony to the worth of the one loved. That worth abides. So I own my grief. I do not try to put it behind me, to get over it, to forget it… Every lament is a love-song."

Hugs to you all. x

Wonderful quote--thanks for sharing this.

Yes, indeed Megan. It touched my soul while reading the quote you posted. So beautiful, and true.

Thank you.

yes megan.  Acute grief may not be as intense however we live with the grief basically but just try to function and keep it in a way so that we dont break down or cry all the time

yes nothing will ever be the same..just hard finding a purpose but that's ok. At your own pace...am still looking for answers

Danny, you are right.  I will never be the same.  I am a different person. I used to be a happy person.  Now, I am sad all the time.   It is hard to believe that my adorable mom passed away.  I think about her every day.  I cry every day.  

I am so sorry, Janette. That must have been traumatizing. I hate that I had to see my mother suffer, but I am grateful that I had the opportunity to say goodbye. I don't think we will ever be able to truly move on from this. I know I am irrevocably changed. My siblings feel the same. 

I have only recently begun speaking about my mom to one of my friends. I miss her so much and talking about her helps me to feel like she is still a part of my life. It is a struggle not to break down in tears every time I think of her, but I think it is helping. Please know that you aren't alone. If you ever need to talk we are here. xx

MY mom died October 16,2015. Almost exactly 7 years to the day my Dad died. He died Friday Oct. 17, 2008 at 6:15pm, Mom died Friday October 16,2015 at 6:00 pm. That was so hard. I held her hand when she died. We buried her on October 22,2015. I miss her so bad, I was her caregiver. She had lung cancer. I was with her 1 week, then, 6 days into my stay I had to call Hospice to take her to a hospice center. I feel so much guilt because she wanted to die at home. I couldn't help her anymore. Her delierium was getting worse and I physically couldn't handle it. She kept pulling her cathader out. I miss her. I hope she understands that I had to put her in a place that can handle her. I hope she forgives me. I love her so much. She's been gone just 2 weeks. I sometimes think this pain won't go away. The guilt is killing me. I feel maybe she thinks I was too lazy to not try. I did try. It was only me caring for her. I gave her the medicines too calm her but it wasn't enough...I feel so sad right now. I need to be strong for my Son. I miss Mom so much.....please pray it gets better for us.

Wendy,

I lost my mom on October 8, 2015.  It is really hard for me to think that she is not here anymore.  I miss her so much. I cry and think about her every single day.  I am sad.  I feel I am not the same.  The death of my mother has changed me.   I did everything for her, everything I could, but sometimes I feel guilty too.  I told my friend that I should have done more.   She does not agree.  She said that I did a lot for my mother, everything I needed to do, that I don't need to feel guilty.   I see you did a lot for your mother, everything you needed to do too.  We need to pray for us as well as for our moms.  I have heard people saying that it will be better.  I don't know, but I will have my mom in my thoughts and my heart every single day of my life and that I will cry every single day until the day I die.

I know exactly how you feel. I actually feel guilty when I have a "good or happy moments".  The weird thing is I find now that Christmas is popping up at the stores and TV, I listen to some Xmas music and it helps my sadness. Today was the first day I felt it was a normal day. I was actually content for a few hours but to I night I am sad. Not crying. I have to try and keep it together for my 14 year old Son. My Moms only Grandson. They were close. He handled it was better than me. I will pray for you , please pray for me. I will also pray for all the souls who have went home. My only true consolation is she was ready. She wanted to meet Jesus and she wanted to be with my Dad again. God bless you. Please know, you are no it alone. Losing a wonderful Mother is a very hard thing and all we can do is pray and be here for each other. Try and have a peaceful night.

Hi Sharon,

It is a hard day for you specially today. We are with you, and know what you are going through.

God give us all strength!

Sharon,

I hope you had enjoyed your good memories with your mom.  Six more days and it will be a month since my mom died.    Still crying and sad.

I just joined this group after 3 years of not really doing much about the grief I was feeling. I lost my mom 3 years, 2 months and 1 day ago on September 1st 2012 when I was 16. It all happened so fast and I still haven't even really faced the reality of it all. My mom was a single mom who worked so hard to give me the best possible life I could have ever dreamed of. She was so beautiful, so smart, so loving, kind and everyone who knew her said her smile lit up a room. It wasn't fair what happened to her, she was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer and only live for 2 months after her diagnosis. I miss my mom every single day and it makes me so numb that sometimes I don't even feel the pain of her death. It was always just me and her, she was my bestfriend and she knew me better than anyone in the whole wide world. I feel so guilty every single day that she never got to see me grow up and mature out of those bratty teenage years because she deserved so much more than the way that I treated her sometimes. She never got to see me graduate highschool or start my freshman year of college. It hurts me because I had so much more to show her and she disappeared out of nowhere without me every really being able to say goodbye.I live with the regrets of not always telling her how much I loved her and appreciated her, and I know that's a "typical teenage thing" but usually their mother's get to see them grow out of that stage. Mine didn't. I just miss her so much everyday and I can hardly cry about it because I can't talk about it, I don't tell anyone about it, and I don't admit to myself how much it hurts. I bottle all my emotions up until I feel overwhelmed and one comment about a mother or death just makes me run into a bathroom stall and burst out in tears. I just wish she could see where I am today, and where I will be in the future all because of her. I know she's watching over me, but I just miss having someone hold me when I'm sad and know exactly what to say. She was my everything, and I loved her more than anything in this world. I feel like I took her for granted when I had her and now I just feel empty all the time. I just don't know where to go from here. 

You were so young!  In Oct 8, 2015 I lost my mom.  I know I will be feeling sad for the rest of my life.  Knowing that she is not here anymore is hard.  I dream about her very often, but it is not the same thing than having her.  Always remember what she wanted for you and try to achieve it to make her proud.   Always remember that she is watching you, her spirit is with you.        

I miss my Mom's wise counsel, her loving heart and warrior spirit. Some days it's just so hard to believe she's gone. 

I miss my mom so much. She died October 16th, 2015. God has been good and gave me some good moments and days but today I am really missing her.

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to say hello and see how everyone is doing. I have been thinking about Mom a lot the past few days; which led me to think of you all.

After Mom's memorial I had some of the flowers from her bedside and the service made into charm beads, with the intention of buying a special edition Mother's Day bracelet to put them on. It has been a few months but I finally have it. I was wondering if anyone else has done anything special to memorialize or remember their beautiful mothers? 

A friend who was very close to her mother lost her last week. We all know what that is like... Wanted to share this with you.

I miss my mom so mucho too.  I cry every single day.  I am empty and have no desire to do anything.  I already decided not to celebrate Christmas. It is hard to know that she is not going to be with me, she is not here to receive my gifts, to laugh, to hold my hands, to go to the restaurant, etc.  I will never be healed.

two years now for me and although i am able to get a few things done i break down regularly

Nancy, I definitely do that...worry about everyone else more. I think it is a natural part of this process. Though I was always a worrier before it definitely has increased since my mom has passed. 

I am having a little family drama concerning Thanksgiving and my brother and I came across this quote. It has helped me and it puts things in perspective...so I thought I would share. 

“Accept what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.”

me am quite alone so nervous and worried about my health too.

Danny,

I am not super concerned about my own health, but I know my sister is quite worried - like you are. A lot of my relatives have died from cancer. I am adopted, hence why I lack the concern my sister has. She has been into the doctor and they assured her that it is normal to feel anxious/worried. They just said to monitor her health as she normally would, beyond that there is not much that can be done.

I think losing someone so close to you makes you face your own mortality. It can be a difficult thing.  The good news is that we can be proactive in our pursuit of health. While increasing physical activity, eating right, engaging in hobbies, and staying connected socially/spiritually will not stop all illness/accidents it can go a long way in increasing well-being. Before Mom's death I struggled with anxiety, even more so now. I know since I have lost mom it has been really hard to keep up with these things (I have to constantly remind myself), but when I do it makes a big difference in how I am feeling.

I am sorry that you feel so alone. I think having social support is really important. Please know that we are here to lend an ear, if you ever need it.

I didn't know any of the victims of the Paris attacks, yet I feel like this tragedy has intensified my grief for my Mom. I'm grateful that she passed very peacefully in her sleep. I can only send my love and prayers for the families of those who died in Paris and those who are wounded. It just doesn't seem to be enough. I'm trying to get over these feelings of anger at such an evil crime. Sending love and prayers to all of you, too. We will heal. But we will never be the same without our mothers. Life is different now. Not looking forward to Christmas because it was my Mom's favorite holiday. 

I am not looking forward to Christmas either.  I already told my husband that I am not going to celebrate Christmas, that I don't want gifts.  My mom is not here to celebrate with me.  You are right life is very different for me.  I feel like I am a different person.  I feel empty. There were a lot of things that I liked to do.  I don't feel like doing them now.  I think about my mom every day of my life.  I cry every day.  She passed away on October 8.  I pray for her every day.  I ask God to hug and kiss her for me and also I ask him to tell her that I love and miss her so much.    

Margie S, I would be careful on this. Don't cut out others on the holidays. I know you're hurting. I was hurting after my mother passed away. I was her caregiver for 7 years. My brothers wanted me to go out to dinner for Christmas. I went, may not have enjoyed it, but I still went. You don't have to stay long at Christmas events, just make an appearance. Don't let anyone keep you there any longer than you want. Keep things in balance, don't completely withdraw.

Hi Margie . I would like say I'm sorry. I have a sadness too inside of me.My mom left my side in May the night before Mothers day.I'm like you I also don't see the point of anything anymore.I don't see things the same or feel things like I used to.

I just have this big void in my life where there once was a life my life! My life was my mom,my best friend. I am now alone,yes I have a husband but I don't have my sunshine..I pray that we all find some comfort in something that easys the pain even if it only for a day.Kindest regards Kim