Hugs to  you  charity and all  those who  suffer from sadness and loneliness  without  their  beloved  mom's  to find  comfort .

Today  was  a rough day. I literally  counted the minutes of my day that seemed so long without  my mom here  with  me and my siblings .  I have so much to  do  yet could not  accomplish  much today instead I found  myself  praying  to see a sign  from mom that she was still  with  me. I cried  and cried and found  some  comfort  in her photos  with her warm  comforting soft eyes looking  back  at me. Today  I was truly lonely  and  depressed  without  mom.

Thank you Nancy;) your words lifted me up. hugs to you Angela...gentle as she goes...

Thank you  Charity .  Can't  sleep  overcome  with  grief .  I  needed some time  alone hoping to reflect  and unwind  instead finding  myself  overcome  with grief  and insomnia .  If anyone  can suggest some ways that  helped  them with the long sleepless nights from grief  I would  much  appreciate  it . 

Nancy  thank you  so much  for sharing  what  you  do to help  you  with the  despair  and  grief  at night when  all is quiet except  the memories  of losing  mom. You  are right  that it  does hit worse  at night. I  will  try the warm milk before  bed and perhaps  do some crafting  if I   can't go back  to sleep .  

 Today ,  I   believe  I  received  a sign from mom and I  have  experienced  some  peace even  a few  smiles  talking  to mom silently in my mind. Every  day  is a challenge  coping with  losing  mom. Today ,  was barely  bareable. Hugs  to you .  I know  you  and  I  share similar  experiences  with our moms suffering. May God  watch over you  and  all of whom lost  his or her beloved  mother.

Thank you for sharing Angela and Nancy. I have found the past few nights to be especially difficult, I cannot sleep or stop crying.

Right after Mom died I threw myself into exercising and mindfulness, I gave up caffeine. As the months have gone on I have slowly stopped and I can really notice the difference. I am so thankful for this group. You all help me to remember that I am not alone and keep me on track in terms of self care. 

Angela, walking helped me tremendously in the weeks after my mom died. Whenever I had time I would walk until I was tired and then turn around and walk back. In the evenings I was so tired I would fall right to sleep.

I am so sorry that we all have to deal with this. xx

Hello  Megan,

    Thank  you  for  sharing  what  helps  you  with grief  ridden  days  and nights .  I a  sorry  Megan for  your  loss. This  is  indeed  the most  difficult  pain to deal  with  for me .  I know  your pain  and yearning  for your  loved one .  I break  into crying  jags anytime .  I  remember  my mom's  last  phone  conversation  to me before  she ended up  at the hospital  and then never leaving there  again .  Breaks my heart .  Yes, walking  sounds great. I  love  to walk . I  continually  get a deep  pang of grief around 6 pm and later  into the  night. I don't  care  about  much  right now as I  am mourning .  Hugs  to you  Megan  

Good Morning all:)

 I am feeling pretty raw and alone. I lost friends when my Mama died. I truly learned how people deal with death and grief. I tend to be a very independent lone wolf anyways but loosing my Mama has made me so vunerable, needing support. My Mama was my constant companion:( can anyone relate?  thank you...

Charity,

I very much relate to you. I had all kinds of friend surprises when my mom passed. People I thought would be there were not, I have a couple friends who have been there, but even then I do not feel I can call them every time I am sad. Her year anniversary of passing is in October and I feel even more alone. Most of my friends have not had a parent pass so it makes them uncomfortable to talk about it. A lot of people are afraid to bring up my mom because I might start to cry and then they feel bad for upsetting me. Really though, that is what I need, is to talk about it. It seems I do not really talk about my mom with my friends too much anymore even though I am still grieving.

I try to remember too that when my mom was sick (she fought breast cancer for 11 years) I had a hard time when people I knew lost a parent. No really close friends lost a parent, but close enough. I could not deal with it and I was not the friend I would be today. I did not know how to give support and it scared me to death because my mom was fighting for her life and it was too close to home when their parent died. There are 3 friends I have actually apologized too for not being there more since my mom passed, as now I have walked in their shoes.

All of this has made me adjust my expectations of friends, but it still hurts and you still want that connection and support.

So right now I am looking for an in person grief group. I was in a grief group when she first passed, I am looking for another to join now as I feel I need it. I do enjoy the online support but I think I would benefit from being with a group of people who I can talk about my mom with, who understand exactly how I feel and can talk about it. I think this will help me a lot. They even have groups for adult children who have lost their parent/s specifically.

Hugs

Hi Jill:)

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I see a lot of my process in yours. I am so sorry for your loss Jill:( I totally understand needing to talk about your grief. I am in the same place. We need to share and feel heard,loved and held. I have had that but not enough it feels. My whole life has changed now that my beautiful Mama flew away. I am trying to walk this crazy new path, a trail of tears. I have been looking for an in person grief group too.

 May you find the love you seek. May we all...hug

If you want to block a certain person (I have gotten over 100 spam messages today) all you need to do is login, hit their name to look at their profile and on the left there is a button to block messages from that person. It works well!

Hi Charity,

I'm  with  you . Hugs . I also  am looking  into  grief  group meeting  to attend .  I  am shocked  when I  am asked by someone  hope  you  feel  better  now. SERIOUSLY ?  

I HAVE  no patience  for  insensitivity .  Yes mom was my best  buddy  too n I  too feel  such a void in my life now. One day at a time . 

Hi Angela:)

 thanks for the hug. People can be SO insensitive. There is a lot of fear around death floating around. I understand having no patience for insensitivity, it hurts. I hope you find the group you need...love to you...

Hi Charity , thank  you  so  much ! Thinking  of you  and  all others  on this  board   who feel  deep grief  and alone without  their  beloved  mom .  

yesterday was the 8 month anniversary of my Mama's transition. I am changing so much everyday. My intention is to grow as much as I can through this incredible heartache. I want my Mama to live on through me. I want to feel alive in a way that I never have. I want my Mama to know that I am okay, or more than okay. Grief is a soul searching time...I love you Mama, forever and always. You are in my bones, my blood, my song....

This is my boyfriend, me and my mom. She took her oxygen tube off to take this photo. Miss her every day. But I have accepted her death. I know she isn't suffering anymore, and it would have been selfish of me to try to hold her here. I am glad she isn't sick anymore. I love her and will always remember the good times. I miss her laughter most. She had the best laugh.

In memory of

Mary Perkins

1950-2011

What a beautiful picture of a beautiful family...Our Mama's are at peace now. sending you a hug, Meggie

Nancy,

 I wish I could give you a hug. I remember 5 month, and it was a very hard time. I want you to know that if you grieve well, you will feel peace again. I understand about seeing our Mamas suffer and how traumatic those memories are. I still am releasing trauma and some days it takes all my strength to hold on. Please know you are not alone. I am sending you love, peace and strength. I know your Mom is proud of you to:) You are a very heart felt woman. 

Nancy,

 Thank you so much for your incredibly kind words. You lift me up and boy do I need that...hugs

great words charity wolf and yes she lives on. 

Thank you Danny:) hugs

Tomorrow marks nine months since I lost my mother and it honestly hasn't gotten any easier.  I still cry every day.  I've joined a local GriefShare group, which has helped tremendously, and I've learned that sometimes you just have to cry and not apologize for it.  I'm so glad to have found this online group.

I am sorry for your loss, Tonya. I wanted to send you love...hugs

Hi Tonya, I lost my mother 2 years ago. I also went to Grief Share. They helped me a lot, would not have made it without them. I've now gone through the course 2 and 1/2 times. I do recommend taking the course at least twice.

Tanya, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. Grief is the biggest challenge of my life. I can say though, that it has gotten better over time for me and I do so truly hope it does for you too. Sending support your way.

Tanya I  am  so  sorry  for  your  loss, and  I  look to find  a grief group  as my health  has been  affected  with the deep  shock and stress of losing  mom. Its been almost  2 months and we continue  to  try and pick up  the  shattered  pieces  left without  our  beautiful  mom.

It's been awhile since I posted in here..If anything, I am at the worst point in my life..This past July 22 was the 1 year anniversary of losing my mom. Its been a rough year even more so for me because I dont have any friends to support me, or do things with, and i'm pretty much alone as the only relative I have is my brother and him and his family dont want anything to do with me over something thats happened over 20 years ago and they wont forgive me...

     I had my job at first to keep me busy but as of January 12th, after 30 years with my company, I couldnt do the work anymore because of disability, so now i'm on social security disability, and my only outlets were to go visit my former co workers at 3am(I used to be overnights), and now people are making it an issue that i'm keeping them from getting their work done, so technically i'm not allowed to go there and just sit out of the way..i'm only allowed 15 minutes to come in to shop and then leave, so now I go there to pick up odds and ends, and then end up buying a coffee and sitting in a parking lot right next to the railroad tracks..My other source of comfort which is my dog is about to come to an end because she is 10 years old, going blind, has tumors all over her back and cant stand up straight to walk without falling over, so tomorrow I have to go to the veteranarian to end the life of the only friend, only being that still loves me unconditionally as the only other person was my mom who passed last year and my wife who passed in 2008.  This may not be the forum for all this, but not a day or minute passes by that I dont think about suicide..The one thing that kept me from acting on it is my religious beliefs that its a sin and i'll go to hell, but in some ways, I feel i'm already there. I long to hear the advice and conversations with my mother, or to eat my wifes hot home cooked meals which now all I eat is microwaveable crap that is cooked in 2 minutes. Now after tomorrow when I come home from the vet alone, it will be a stone silent house...No dog barking at every little noise, no furry head to pat, noone to talk with, or do anything with.

    sorry to be so depressing, but i'm hurting more than I ever have and at my breaking point...Just wanted to vent out a little in a grief chatroom.

http://www.griefshare.org/  

Ron B, there is a group called Grief Share. They have them in almost every city and town. This is a group that meets for 12 weeks at a time. You need to be with people who have also lost a loved one.

http://www.griefshare.org/

My heart hurts for you Ron B. I agree that a support group would be good. Can you go talk with a therapist, pastor or? You are not alone even though it seems that way. Can you pray for guidance? When I feel hopeless, I pray. Please try to be gentle with yourself cause your heart is mending. I am sending a hug..you are not alone...

Ron B., It sounds like you're in a pretty tough time in your life.  I can relate, not exactly, because everyone's grief is different, but I sympathize.  

It can feel like you're totally alone in the world.  I too have no other family than my father who has had mental disabilities all of his life and therefore hasn't been a "support" for me in the way that most people think of. It can be so tough with out a solid support structure.  Thankfully, I have a couple of friends that are like family and I'm grateful for them everyday.

For me, what has worked is simply never giving up. Every day I wake up and tell myself that life is worth living for. There.is.no.alternative. Period. I want that for you too and for Everyone on this forum and everyone out in the world who go through tremendous, traumatic grief. We Must soldier on because, well, life Is worth living for :)

I second Charity and John's suggestion that you seek out a support group, pastor or therapist. I hope you do because you seem like a very nice person and wish for you to get well soon! Sending strength and positive thoughts.

Last week I had a very unfortunate argument with my stepmother, who I've only known for less than two years, about my grief.  In the last ten months, I've lost my mother, separated from my spouse, sold my house, moved, and started a new relationship.  My stepmother had the nerve to say that "everyone loses a loved one and people's marriages break up every day, but I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, and stop stirring my pity pot".  Some people can be truly heartless and not understand the grief process.  It's very heartbreaking.

Tonya, I've had that happened within my own family. Some people can just be very cold when it comes to anyone else's grief. I know how you feel.

I'm sorry to hear about this happening in your family, Tonya.  My mom passed away at the end of June from cancer and have a lot of changes to adapt to (housing, work may change, etc.).  She would have just turned 64 a week ago.  I was her caregiver toward the end and now care for my autistic brother since she is gone.  My stepfather is also living with me, too.  We have our moments and it can certainly be stressful.  I've known him for most of my life so there's an interesting dynamic there.

The sadness is also that we don't have our beloved mothers available at the ready to discuss the madness and dispense advice.  It's certainly tough.  My mom made predictions of what might happen before she passed.  She was very intuitive... almost psychic it seems.  Hopefully I can ward off some of her predictions! 

I wish you peace and some serenity, although I know it's been such a challenge.

John Barry, thank you for mentioning GriefShare--certainly worth looking into.  I hope that you're able to find peace with everything, too.  I know it's beyond difficult being the caregiver and survivor. 

I'm sorry for everyone's loss that I've read about so far in this thread.  May we all find some comfort, even if fleeting, thinking of the beautiful times we've had.  The great memories we made when we didn't even know we were making memories.  "The good ole days."  Certainly hope for good days to come, even if we can't see them now.  Certainly no day can be as good as when our loved ones were around, but I like to think that they're helping to guide us through everything.  Some days more than others, but always around nonetheless.

And more to your point Tonya, I've been surprised with family at times... even before my mom's passing.  You think people would all step up to the plate (cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, etc.) before and after death.  Some people do what they can to help while others just try to make it harder for you.  Be strong.

Thank you Chris Wool and John Barry.  I too am involved in GriefShare and it has been AMAZING.  I realize that everyone deals with their grief different, but it's sometimes too much to handle.  

Many thanks for your kind words earlier!  I was at work and could not see/respond, even though the website was logged on in the background.  Day by day is all we have and to try to be in the present moment.  It certainly feels like it can be too much to handle and everyone's grief is so specific and individual. (even if there are similarities).  The whole "pity party" stuff is nonsense.  It reminds me of my job and things I heard regarding me taking time off to care for mom and things I heard once she passed.  Boss once said about someone who died on 9/11: "The wife, whenever asked, says she is fine... she's not narcissistic and egotistical--she doesn't want to burden her family."  My mom had just passed barely 2 months and I felt it was kinda directed at me.


I dread weekends because the family would all be hanging out and going somewhere together.  Certainly if you haven't lost your mother you can't relate.  My autistic brother is 29 but acts like a child.  It's hard because I can't communicate with him about it as much and we lost my sister 12 years ago.  I sometimes think my mom started dying back then.  Yesterday, my brother asked "where's mom."  He rarely does this without prompting, so I took it as a good sign from mom.  I asked him to tell me, and he said "in heaven" (which I started telling him a few months ago once she passed).  That made me feel a little better in that at least he can understand that this is hard and we're all looking for mom.  I have a little shrine with a memory board, flowers and candles to try to keep her memory alive for us (and this might help him).  He seems to be handling it a lot better than me, but he has his own coping mechanisms or just doesn't express it the same way. 

God bless you on this journey and wish for you all the blessings that your mother would wish--or perhaps is still wishing, just in a different manifestation--for you, too.

I lost my mother on October 8, 2015.  It is the worst experience I have ever had.  I can’t stop thinking about her all day long.  I have been reading a lot about grief and mourning, but nothing makes me feel better.  She was 103 years old.  She always recognized my brother, my friends, my husband and me until she went on a deep sleep for 20 days and then passed away.  It was so sad and heartbroken to see her the way she was and not being able to help.  I just kissed her very often, caressed her forehead, head, hair, face, arms, hands, shoulders, feet, legs, thigh, and talked to her a lot.  She just moved her head to say yes or no, but later on there was no more yes or no with her head, she didn't hear anything.  When I went to see her on October the 8^th, the nurse said, "She is gone".  I didn't believe it.  I touched her face, her neck, her heart trying to find some signs of life.  I told my husband, "Her heart is beating".  He said, "It is your hand not her heart; she passed away."  I hugged her stronger than ever and started crying and crying while hugging her.  I was leaning on her chest and crying for about two hours until the person from the funeral home came and I didn't want to let her go.  My husband pulled me, so they could take out her body.  I continued crying and I collapsed.  My husband had to take me out of the room in my mom wheelchair.  After they took the body out I continued crying, I was shaking and thought my heart was going to explode.   Today is October 18, and I am extremely sad.  I am depressed.  The same day she died, I dreamed about her.  I dreamed that someone knocked on the door, I opened it and there was my mom, closed eyes, collapsing on me.  I fell and my mom was on top of me.  I cried while I was telling her, “mom, don’t die, don’t die. She never opened her eyes.   It was so real.   I miss her a lot.  Her last days of life she was just sleeping all day.  I pray for her and really would like to be with her.  I miss her so much.  I love her so much.

Margie  I  am  so sorry  for your  mom's  loss. I  understand  how close you  were to  her and the heart  ache you  feel  where it hurts  so much  that  you  feel  your  heart  will  explode. Take  care  of  yourself  and know  that  your  mother felt your  love each  and every  moment  you were there for her . 

Good Morning and hi all i love my mom march 9th 2015 unexpectedly to a brain bleed and I miss her so much! My dad moved in with myself my husband and daughter and life is definately different. He mourns her alot and it is so hard to see my dad so upset. At the same time so many things remind me of her on a daily basis and I just feel like I am still in a night mare and i am going to wake up to her singing me back to sleep. I am the baby of the family have two older sisters but my mom and I had a unique relationship that I am so greatful to have always had with her. Now as I look at my 19 year old i see the times her I and my mom all spent together doing crafts baking and just shopping and laughing. My mom was such a big part of me to lose her was like losing the glue to my whole family. Its like no one even calls to check on myself or my dad. My mama will always be in my heart but I just wish she was here with me to hug me. I have health issues as well and I can still hear her say krissy please take care of yourself too because daddy needs you. So this weekend I went to hobby lobby with my daughter and walking down the christmas isles i started crying because my mom loved christmas so much ..I am just lost with out her! 

hi all its been a while and most of the earlier posters are not around but it been two years and still it hurts but i take it slow.  work and life is never going to be the same. 

best to all

Tonya Dean, I can't even put into words how heartless those comments were. I just don't understand the hate sometimes.  I can definitely relate in that a member of my own family was very cold about my mother's death and it's really hard to forgive such actions.  I think some people are just wired to be less empathetic/sympathetic than others. I try to accept that and it helps sometimes...sometimes is the key word here.  I can say with all confidence that grieving is not a "pity-party" and anyone who says that is stone-cold.  A lot of other people just don't understand. 

Danny, Kristin, Margie and Chris I'm so sorry for your loss.  I just began frequenting this site and it has helped.  I too am interested in checking out Griefshare but haven't gotten around to it yet.  I hope this website helps you as well.

People quickly turn to siblings as the main source of support and friends too but that should just be one part of the support. They can be cold.  i read a lot on grief at the library and also here on this siite.  Thinking of counseling  soon for a few sessions