beautiful picture Crystal. Welcome and I hope you can share more of you r feelings. Its so new for you Alisa, I am nine month and I still feel the same way you do. All i can say is I understand i know how much it hurts. Theres no love like a mother's love and they will always be with us. Mom said loving myself is like loving her, so I love myself.

I lost my mom this weekend to a battle with cancer that lasted well over a decade. I'm in my 20s, and I can't believe all of the events that my mom will miss. Although I do know she is with me in spirit, I wish I could see her present. 

She will visit Eliza.  She is there hovering around us J.  Parents dont really leave us do they ?  Yes we miss them and always will.  Eliza take care around the date.

Thank you, Danny; I have already felt her with me. I'm working my best to allow her spiritual energy to keep me strong. 

A few times I cried out in pain for mom, i see a quick flash of bright light. I sometimes think thats a sign from my mother.  

hi everyone. I lost me mom 31yrs ago this January. I'm not sure if I should still be upset is that normal? I never seemed to get over mom dying. I was only 19 when she died mom was only 42. I don't think I ever recovered from this it was so hard. Im having a few problems with my oldest son at the moment and feeling a little depressed and I find myself thinking of mom more

I think grief is very much cyclical, and I don't think it's wrong to grieve years or decades later. I imagine that even though my mother just passed, many moments will come in my life, be they tomorrow or in 25 years, that I desperately cry for her. 

Absolutely J it never really leaves you so the key is to understand that.  There is no real 'recovery' here.  Grief stays inside us forever but somehow the work to be done has to get done in parallel. 

david we never 'get over' it if that helps.  Its helped me a bit in knowing that so I go about my routine knowing that its going to hit me at several times in my life in 25 years or whatever. well done J and David.

I thought I was doing well today until I checked my mailbox to discover more condolence cards and final bills of my Mums. I know the card senders mean well but it just brings all the pain flooding back in. I am having such a hard time just carrying on and i feel like I am being a terrible mother to my kids not being able to do the everyday things they depend on me for.

Me too had a bad day.  ITs good to keep a couple of bills running for a while if possible ie no final bills just pay the premium.

Casey, I know that it's hard but you will get through this. It's been 4 years since my mom passed and we learn to take the pain with us, it never goes away though. Some days will be easier to deal with than others. Unfortunately we are still here and we have to carry on with our lives and make our mom's proud of us. 

Just breathe and take baby steps. Don't take on too much, small pieces are ok. It will be easier to deal with

Yes Tans is right.  The pain/grief will never really leave. Make small goals 1-2  months at a time and that is what I did for the last 12 months.  Still quite raw for me but I got a couple of things done.

Casey, you will get through. My mom passed a few weeks ago at a relatively young age. My goal is to live every day fully in honor of every day she did not get to live. That can be your purpose. <3

Tans, I do have difficulty breathing; i do breathing exercises and meditation but still..I stayed up and tossed and turned in my bed and cannot sleep until early morning after i take some pills for headache...i am staying alive and not eating meat as a way to remember my mother, i know she would want me to be happy and find my own journey and path..but there is nothing more meaningful and significant than taking care of my mother and being with her. I can't do that ever again and that pains is everlasting.

I just lost my mom in October. I don't know how to handle this because I just got used to having holidays with out my Dad. But this year really doesn't feel like Christmas. Thanksgiving was hard but as I try to get ready for Christmas is just like I want to get it over with. I bought my mom's orament at things remember. Same place I got my dads. It was hard to put my dads on the tree but now this year was even harder to hang my mom's up this year. Plus now that I can't be home for Christmas makes even harder on me. I am so hard to figure out what I am to do or how I am to feel. 

Traci, I too lost my mom in October and my dad last year. It does not feel much like Christmas to me either. We always went to her house to celebrate Christmas and to not be able to do that is going to be hard. It is all hard. My emotions are all over the place...I take things day by day right now. I do not think you have to have it all figured out. It is a long road and I will always miss my mom. It breaks my heart that I have to live the rest of my life without her. She lived about 5 hours away but we talked every day. Every evening I get this urge to call her. There are parts of me still in denial and shock. So hang in there. I am trying to make other plans for Christmas too.

Wow! I cant believe it has been a year since I last posted. I often wonder how does God select us to be the individuals that have to lose. I lost my mother and step father within a year of one another and I lost my biological dad 12 years ago. Maybe its just me being selfish but I wish there was a holiday for people like us that have lost our mothers. People just dont understand until it happens to them...I just wish my mother was here! Life is so hard without her!!!

Tough these days as it is going to be the first full calendar year since the shock.  Dazed at times.

Brette you make it a holiday and even more if you wish.

On Wednesday, it will be 1 year since my mother was taken from us. The grief is still right on the surface, especially this close to Christmas and my nephew's 1st birthday. She missed so much - it's not fair. I can't get over just how unfair it all is. She was 61 and the best of us.

Its the first full calendar year on my own and I still cant really believe I even made it somehow.  For me the pain is everlasting as I make my way through day to day and important decisions.  Its so tough and I am using the tools given to me to make these decisions.  In general though I decided to freeze things for the full year but now the challenges are here to face on my own.  Nervous.

I thought knowing that my mom was going to pass was going to be easy on me. But the more I look back the more I wish God didn't take her home so soon. I am going to be 27. My mom won't be here to help me through having a child *if and when my bf and I do* She won't be here to help me to get ready for my wedding day *when that ever comes* I miss her so much. I miss our talks and I missed her advice. I just miss her love so much. I feel like there are days that I can't go on or I don't want to go on because the pain is so bad at times. Not only do I miss her but I miss my dad too... I am so lost without them both. :( Wish I knew what to do. 

Well, I haven't been on for a while, because I became a caregiver again.  I lost my Mom actually a few yeas ago on December 8 and joined this group to help me deal with it.  I always said that the look on the girl's face who is holding the sign that says I Miss You Mom that is the picture for this group says it all.  I look in her eyes and I know those eyes - they are mine.  I look at the tightness in her features and around her mouth - and I know that expression - it is mine.  I still miss my Mom.

Since she died, I took care of my Dad and watched him die.  Then, recently I began to help take care of - well caregiver is too big a word as I didn't really do that this time around like I did for my Mom and Dad (I guess I've been a caregiver for so long I get so used to being called that that I use the term too loosely).  I wasn't really a caregiver this time - I just spent as much time as my car would get me back and forth going to visit my husband's step-mom who was also one of my best friends while she died of a brain tumor.  She died in November.  I am sad.

Well, this last week I found out that my aunt Rosemary died while I was busy with Jan and no one told me.  When things settled down with Jan I wrote a letter to Rosemary and got a letter back from her husband telling me she had died.  Then, I got a returned Christmas card from my Aunt Deretha and when I went looking on google for her new address I found out that her daughter, my cousin, Lisa had died.  And, I still can't find where my Aunt Deretha moved to - maybe this hit her so hard she is in assisted living some place but so much of my family is gone now that I'm not really getting notified, which I can understand.

And, during the years I was taking care of my Dad I lost several other relatives, with my Uncle Tommy, my Dad's brother, being the one I was most sad to hear about.  And, right before my Mom died three uncles died in a row with my Uncle Ed being the one I was most sad about.  So, it has been a lot of losses.  I think I'm okay, but I am sad.  And, I figure loosing this many people that maybe I should get back on here and talk about it and make sure I'm okay.

But the reason I got on this group is that I realized of all of them I miss my Mom the most and then my Dad the second most.  The day Jan was dying, I was in the car driving to Xenia to try to see her and she died before I got there.  I knew I was racing the clock, and I was upset.  Do you know what I did?  I picked up the phone to call my Mom about how I was feeling, and then I realized my Mom was dead.  Why did I pick up the phone to call her when I knew she was dead.  And, then the grief over loosing her came back but after all of these losses I've learned to get it back in check and not let it take me over.  But, I realized I still miss my Mom and probably still miss her for two reasons:  1) she was the most functional person in my family and my best friend and the one I loved the most above all people I've known on this planet, and 2) I've had to rush from her death to caregiving to another death and other deaths and to trying to be there for Jan and then another death and then two more deaths right after Jan and I thought, "Of course you are still grieving your Mom - you haven't had time to really grieve her loss yet."

So, here I am again with my sad story. Sorry for bringing everyone down.  And, don't worry - I'm okay.  I'm sad.  I'm a little numb.  But, I'm okay - or at least as okay as anyone could be in this situation.  I just thought it might be a good idea to talk and read what others are saying and learn from what others are going through.

Thank you for listening.

 Storyas Fawnfeather

You must be under so much stress , caring for so many people.  I feel the same way you do about my mother.  Everyday, I have to try my hardest to live with this heartache. I don't know anything anymore. I just keep breathing.

my mom was 56 when she passed away, I miss her so much.

Sharon, my Mom died on December 8, too.  My birthday is January 8, so she died just exactly one month before my birthday.  That day was so horrible that I think my mind tries to block it, because it seems the only way I can remember that date is that I remind myself that it is exactly one month before my birthday.  December 8 is a horrible day now, for both of us I'm sure.  And, I know what you mean about talking to her every day - I talked to my Mom every day too.  When I told my sister-in-law that I had tried to call my Mom when I was on my way to see Jan, she said that I should just talk to my Mom, because she can still hear me.  So, maybe you can still talk to your Mom about the peri-menopause.  I know it's hard to talk though and not get an answer, but there is some comfort in thinking they can hear us.

Casey, thank your for your supportive words.  Yes, I am tired.  I know how you feel - it is hard to believe that we woke up the next morning and the world was still as it always was - the sun was shining, our job was waiting, we went to the same grocery store - but she isn't here.  All you can do sometimes is keep breathing when you loose someone you love that much.

Thank you all for your support.

Its tough as I start my second calendar year realizing its not the same and with some trigger dates coming up over the next few months.  But its important to be in a familiar location at this time at the very least so I plan on doing that.  Tough few months ahead with all the triggers but I am trying to hang on.

16^th January 2014 . . . . .An Act of brutality by unknown assailants in the face of a JUVENILE ,  completely changed our life . . .

Around 4 pm my father found my beloved MOTHER in a pool of blood in her bedroom. Mother, a religious lady, full of life and vigour, was hospitalized with severe head injury (multiple skull fracture) caused by some blunt object.

She remained unconscious for around 30 days . . . the most disturbing days of our life. She continued her battle for life with life support medical equipment. With her sheer willpower she came out of coma and gradually started speaking. Finally the day came when she was discharged (though paralyzed and completely bedridden) from hospital only to be mercilessly snatched away in next few days. The brave lady battled for life for long and departed for heavenly abode on 2^nd March 2014 

Its been an year now,but I still miss her.

I have kept her dressing table,the way she kep it.just remove the dust on them,different kinds of oils..hair oil massage oil,coconut almond amla,jaborandi oil,…small bottles of perfume,some empty some half full,body lotion etc as she kept them. Almirah, the way she kept them. At times I have the urge to keep the things my way but then leave them as they were. Her clothes are still hanging in her Almirah in the same order .Once thought of giving them away to someone who needs them ,them kept them back,thinking she will / might use them when she comes...And then comes the realisation that she will never come back......It hurts so...much.

I wish I could go back in time, to protect her. 

The world is a less beautiful place with out my mom. I find myself not understanding the purpose of life at times. We are given these people who we love so much and they are taken from us. Its a loss that's unbearable. I miss her so much everyday and I would do anything to hear her voice...her laugh.. her say I love you one more time. Feel her hands.. her face.. her embrace. The most wonderful feeling in the world. I find comfort in knowing we will be together again one day but my heart aches until then. Life will forever be bittersweet. So many things I wont be able to share with her. I LOVE YOU MOM! Hope you know how much I do...and what a wonderful mother, wife, nana and woman you were. I find joy in being more and more like you everyday. My heart is forever broken  *MY ANGEL PAULA JEANETTE*

I wasn’t going to post this, but then someone I love sort of convinced me.

So here it goes.

Today I woke up at 5:20am.

Today, my mother left her physical body here on Earth at 5:20am.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. That we as humans are spiritual beings, made up of energy. That we never truly die. Frankly, I believe there is no such thing as dying, because our souls live on in many ways.

I have always noticed that death is an event that a vast amount of human beings neglect until faced with the imminent and personal issue. That death is this unspoken taboo, that many of us fear.

Well, today for me I had two options. I could have wallowed in self-pity and sadness all day or I could have cherished the moments I had with my mother in the physical world, and understand that I now have her in the Spirit World to guide me through life.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: I went with number two.

I have realized something because of my mother, death is a part of life, it’s inevitable, it is a natural part of life. Today when I woke up at 5:20am, I knew there was a reason, her spirit was with me: like it will be for many years to come. I’m not going to lie to you, my conscious mind when I received a phone call from my father was definitely not prepared for the news, but after realizing that the pain and suffering is gone, that everything was going to be okay, she wouldn’t let it be otherwise.

I have the ability to be in touch with my mother, even though she is no longer physically here on Earth. Grieving as I have learned, is a very personal and individual experience that I myself am dealing with in my own way. I’m not ignoring my pain and anger by thinking this way, this is just how I am.

Being able to be a spiritual person is something my mother taught me, and I will thank her everyday for it. It’s always going to be hard for me to accept this happened to me, to my perfect family, but this is life; and life sometimes feels like you’re living a bad dream.

Thankfully, you can wake up from dreams, and knowing there is support for me, well that just makes it a whole lot easier.

In Loving Memory of my Mother and the Most Amazing Woman I will EVER Know “Lori Jo Zarycki”

I will always and forever be your Pretty Peanut.

Love Always,
Alexis Paige Zarycki

I lost my mom on December 1 - she was 10 days shy of her 82nd birthday.  My father passed also 10 days before his birthday and they had just celebrated their 25th anniversary, my dad has been gone 25 years. 

I miss her like I never felt possible.  I was her care giver for over 4 years and it is like losing a mate.  She dies peacefully in her sleep from an apparent heart ache.  I have so much guilt, could I have helped, could I have saved her, etc. 

She had fallen the day before and recently had a pace maker put in, she was very tired that weekend, but never dreamed she would be taken.  She was a very spiritual woman and I know she is in a better place, just hard to let her go. 

My mom passed away on January 22, 2015.  I lost my best friend that day, but at the time I didn't know it.  I feel like I'm moving in a dream world.  Like everything's hazy.  I feel like I should be healing, but I don't think I am.  She had been sick for years, but more so this past year.  She was only 62 years old.  Way to young to die.  We talked every day.  It's been so hard not to pick up the phone and call her.  My dad seems to be doing ok.  He's moving on.  I'm having a hard time getting there.  All I do is cry...work, home, in the car, at the store.  People must think I'm crazy.  I think I'm crazy.  My family's been walking on egg shells.  I feel so alone, but I know I'm not.  I feel like I'm driving everybody nuts because I just cry and talk about her.  I'm REALLY hoping this site helps me.  I know it's only been 18 days, but I just really want to feel normal.  I know it sounds selfish.  I almost envy my dad.  I know he's still mourning her, but at least he's trying to move on and heal.  I don't feel like I'm ever going to.  I don't know how I have any tears left, but I do.  And my heart hurts.  I mean it really hurts.  Everybody says that I'll be okay, and everyone mourns and grieves in their own way at their own pace.  She's not the first family member I've lost.  All of my grandparents are gone.  But none of their deaths hurt like this.

Hello community. I been miss in action for a while. I lost my mom on 8-15-2014. She was 55 years old. The last time I was on this site was in November a couple of days before my birthday. I thought I was strong up till that point. I actually slipped into depression. I finally got professional help.

Libby I'm so sorry for your loss. Keep talking to your friends and family about your lost. Try not to isolate yourself in the house. That's what brought me down.

Nancy: Sorry for your loss. I too hold a lot of guilt. I blame my mother's doctor for not neglecting her and not finding a blood clot while all the signs of her having one was present. I also blame myself for not doing the research while my mother was in pain. We trusted the doctor.

One day at a time I till we see our mother's again.

Lost my mom January 16th.   I am broken.   Pretty much what Libby said down below me, but I'm too broken to type all that out.   I don't know how to go on without my mom, I'm not close to my other family, and I'm not married and I have no kids...basically I am an orphan now.   I have never felt so sad and alone in all my life.  I didn't know it could hurt this bad.