I lost my mom last August.  She was everything to me, so I feel a lot of the same emotions everyone else is feeling.  It was so hard watching her die.  I sure wish there was something I could do to help everyone through this painful journey because no one knows how hard it is until you are going through it yourself.  That's probably why we feel so abandoned by our friends.  I know most of my friends dread the day they have to go through this, so they probably just don't know what to say to me, aside from I'm sorry.  However, I've received a lot of kindness too from strangers, family and other friends who don't find talking about the death of a loved one uncomfortable.  I also think the alive hospice that Barbara mentioned earlier is a great idea.  It is free and it's helpful to be around those with similar losses.  The number for them in the Nashville, TN area is 615.327.1085.  I'm sure they're everywhere.  Also, a wise friend suggested something to me last week that makes a lot of sense to now after I thought it through.  I was telling him how I miss the joy my mom gave me when she was on earth, and he said that joy is still in my heart, I just need to reach out to someone who is hurting more than I am and help them, so I'm going to try that this week.  It's worth a try when you think about it.   Our lives and our mom's legacy is worth something worth while.  I'll keep everyone posted of my progress.   In the meantime, I wish everyone so much peace and love...and hopefully one day some happiness will shine through.

Hmmm,I've been on this site now for over 1 month,and no one will comment,i feel like I'm all alone again.Please keep in mind that men have feelings to,...:(

Sorry Bob, I guess we all get tied up in our own feelings.  Yes, men have the same feelings and please dont feel alone here.  Most times when I write Im writing to everyone as we are all going through very similiar things.  It has been a really hard time for me.  Tonight is the 2 year anniversary of my son passing.  It was easier with my husband to hold but now he is gone as well and I have pretty much cried for 3 days straight.  Please keep writing and reading others posts.  You are not alone. 

Bob, I just went to your page and under your profile where it asks about your loss there are a list of comments from others.  Maybe you didnt know they were there.  Hope that helps you some to feel less alone here.

Hi Tammy, am in Nashville; so I'll definitely keep that number handy. This journey is a long and tough one. From when I was old enough to understand death, I always thought about and dreaded losing my mom. It was a constant preoccupation; am a few years from forty,I didn't know I would have her this long, but neither was I ready to say goodbye. My sorrow knows no bounds, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I was with her on the other side..

Hi Bob, I've responded to your comments and sent you a message or two, I always find comfort in what you have to say especially the time you reminded us that every passing day brings us closer to being with our moms.

It seems to be getting harder each day to accept that my mom is gone. I feel more depressed each day. I don't think it will ever get easier. I feel for each of us on this board and i am glad that there is a place to write about how we really feel.

Barbara ,

Thanks for your comments. I am actually in AA now it will be three weeks on monday. I can relate to not being able to talk to your siblings about it. I feel selfish, but I can't deal with their grief, and mine. I already had to make all the decisions per her request, and not all of them agree.

Marlene; I feel the same way. Its like its finally hitting me, that I'll not see mom again. In the beginning I was angry at God, then I was in denial, happy that she was out of pain; but the grief had not really set in until now. I've never known this kind of pain.... Life as I knew it has been forever altered.

you sound just like me mercy, just like me, exactly

We will be with them again.

I get by each day by controlling the thoughts I allow inside my mind. I try NOT to let the sad/bad/depressing thoughts in. I focus on doing good while I am still on this earth. It isn't about me. I will be greatful to be with my mother, grandmothers and all my family and friends who have already transitioned to the place we call heaven. Now is the time we have to look at what we are doing with our lives and ask ourselves some important questions. My mother passed on because she was ready. This I know be be absolutely true. She had fulfilled what she was put here to do. If you are still here...ask yourself why?

I agree Elaine. Sometimes I go out and look around and i can't believe how everything is the same for everybody else out there. Holidays keep coming, sun keeps shining. But for me, nothing is the same.The only thing that stays the same is my love for my mother. It doesn't seem to get any easier. I get a good day but then I get many bad ones.

There was a time when I thought things would never get better.The only thing that saved me is,due to my research on the afterlife,I have no doubts about where they are,and that when our time comes,we will all be together again!Until then,it's going to be difficult,and we just have to do the best we can to stay in the present,For you look back,and we get depressed,and we look forward,and we have to deal with the anxiety!Holidays will come and go,and to be honest,they just plain suck,but it does get easier with time.Until then,we need to help each other through all of this,and thank the Lord for groups like this that are available at a push of a button,so we can vent our feelings,and know that we are not alone!

Thanks, Bob. It is so good to know that i am not alone in my lost world. i know my mother is no longer here. But, sometimes, especially when i am home, i feel like i am stuck living in a little world with her. I talk to her all the time, mostly at home.

Elaine, I hope you're feeling better today.  I wasn't able to go to work today because I was feeling a lot like you were yesterday.  I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow, so I'm wishing and praying the same for you...take care!

I am having a numb couple of days. I think it's mainly denial. We still haven't had a service yet b/c my family is disfunctional. I hope closure comes after we have that on her B-day. I am so tired of particular family members wanting things of value. She left me in charge, which I thought would be easier. It's not. Hopefully after July these " family " and I can go back to not speaking. I feel guilty, but now that I don't have to worry about my mom, I have been able to do things like school , that wasn't possible the last 10 years. I just wish she were here physically to see.  

I am so mad and hurt today. My camera with the last pictures of my mom is not turning up. It was a years worth of pics on that memory chip. I have tossed the house and vehicle high and low. I have had nothing but issues with my boyfriends kids including taking things.

I'm new to this site.  In time I'll begin to tell my story in detail.  It's now been 90 days since my mom has been gone.   Those that babble and say "it gets better with time" are complete liars.  It has progressively gotten worse.  Either that or I'm hitting a wall and coming out of the shock so some of these feelings are emerging that I've surpressed.  Besides dealing with this horrible loss I'm also dealing with the most incensitive friends on the earth.  I actually got a text message yesterday from a friend letting me know I was a lousy friend for not contacting them within the past two weeks.  Like an idiot I called them up and apologized.  None of these so called friends wants to hear about what I am dealing with personally. They all want me to snap out of it and go back to being their fun loving buddy.  I'm sick of it.

next month my mom will be gone a year. to be honest this year has been the hardest year of my life. I keep having anxiety knowing my mom is not a phone call away anymore, Having the 1 yr anniversary approaching has brought out all my emotions full force. I miss my mom everyday but it's been extremely hard the last few days for me. I dream about her every night. and sometimes it's comforting but the last few times. One min she's alive and then she has died numerous times in the same dream it's really hard. When I wake up I lose her all over again    I don't know why this is happening to me again. I have not dreamed this since right after she passed. I can't wait to get these few months over with. I will be over the first forever. I'll be glad to get that part behind me once and for all.

Tammy & Mark sorry for your losses. Tammy I hope you find your camera..

Mark sorry your friends are being jerks, hopefully they come around

Over twenty years ago, a dear friend lost his parents within 6 weeks.   With the loss of his parents and the dysfunctional behavior of his only sibling, he had to walk away from that relationship.  He's told me that the first year was the hardest.  He often dreams about his parents though mostly in more comforting scenarios.   Bless his heart, he's been with me every step of the way with my mom's passing--even to coming in the wee hours of the morning to the hospital to sit with my sister and me as we had Mom's life support removed.   It's about 6 weeks from Mom's birthday--and 3 months til the first forever as Melissa so eloquently put it.  Today is actually my grandfather's birthday (Mom's dad)--and I'd like to think that he and Mom are heading off to trout fish in some heavenly river.

I miss her so much. Sometimes I still can't believe this happened. I feel so empty and alone without her. It was always us against the world, and now it's just me. It's not right. I wonder if I did everything I could have. Neither one of us was ready for this. I honestly can't imagine where my life will go without her. It's like I'm just coasting but not really living. I just want one more conversation, so she can tell me what to do. I'm completely lost with out her.

Cindi, I have the exact feelings. We were so close, my mom and I. I try to find meaning in my life, but, I can't. It is just so empty and I feel so bad living as an existance. I know she couldn't live forever, but, how do we get through this?

Cindi and Marlene; I can relate to everything you are saying. Sometimes I feel like its a bad nightmare and that I'll wake up. I get into a trancelike state sometimes, where I feel like am not in my body. I get lost in my emotions but my two year old is always bringing me back from the brink. I hate this life, I don't want to go on but I don't want to live my baby without a mother. I wish God could take me and her home to be with the ones we truly love.

It has been less than three months that mi madre has left me (I have called her mi madre for years). She had colangiocarcinoma, bile duct cancer. She wasnt feeling well and couldn't keep anything down, her dr said she thought she had an ulcer, the dr sent her home. I finally convinced her to go to ER. They came back and told us she had 40 tumors in her liver. They stated that they couldnt do anything for her. I then realized that I was going to lose my mother. She went through one round of chemo, three blood transfusions, etc. Too much to write right now. On 12/28/11 was the last time she told me she loved me. She went on hospice and my sister and I took care of her. She was not able to move, talk, open her eyes, or eat. I just remeber the horrific memories of the two months that she was sick. I remember the two months of taking care of her and all the horrific moments thats he went through. She was my best friend. We would go shopping, out to dinner, etc. at least three times a week. I was okay for the first month and it has been getting worse for me. Not easier. Each day it get harder and harder for me.

cindi and marlene i am crying as i just read your entries even though i'm at work.. I feel just like you do. It has been 4 months since my mom has passed. I can't imagine life without her and I"m definately not accepting and moving on with this. sometimes i don't think i can make it to work but, other times it's worse being home and sitting there. actually, there is no place where i feel good. i'm losing faith and hope and have no confidence in myself.  

I am new to this. My mom just passed away on March 2nd and I feel so lost without her! Her birthday was 2 days after her funeral. I don't think this will ever get easier life has changed forever.

I feel the same way Sandra, in fact, I just wrote that on a different forum. I feel empty, like am just stuck. I cannot accept that mom is gone from this world. Life is just one empty bore........I can't get motivated to do anything anymore. I'm just useless. I work, but just enough to help me keep my job, I take care of my daughter but just enough to get her through the day. I feel all your pain. Life has just completely shifted.

mylife is crumbling thought of ending it today, had the pills in my  hanbd, its not cause of mom, i found out someone is trying to evict me from my apartment, i have no money, my car is broken down, all thse bad problems i cant handle....im ok right now, i just hope i can get through the day....im at the breakingpoint

Rachel dear, imagine all that we have endured? Surely you can endure this too. There has to be some social services in your area that can assist with things like rent, food, etc. Please don’t give up; we have so much to live for. Contact me by email ASAP. I can see how to help, ok dear?

Be Blessed.

My mother passed Feb 1 of this year and I am totally heart broken. I still wake up thinking Oh my god, my mom is dead! It was sudden. We were close. I am disabled and growing up she was there through everything, hospital stays and defending me when she thought I couldn't defend myself. I havent need her to take care of me since i grew up and started making a life of my own..now I realized I needed her more then I could imagine. She passed just 4 days before my parents 40th anniversary. Up to her last seconds she waited for me to tell her I would be ok....She held my hand through everything growing up and I held her hand when she slipped away.....It was the single most horrible/precious moment of my life!!

Rachel, Please don't do that. i know life can be very difficult. Since losing my mother, i would be a liar if i said that i never thought of doing it. But, then i think again and i say, things might get better. I also lost my job and many times i am worried about how i am going to upkeep my expenses. There must be a part of me that wants to live. Get help, there are resources available.

Hi everyone...it's Sue. I had to create a new account because I got a new e mail. Please friend me so we can catch up! Love you.

Mary,

I know exaclty what you are feeling. My mom and I were so close too. It is so different when you mom is not phone call or a drive away. I am very alone now and it is so hard. My mother passed away holding my hand. It was the single most horrible day of my life. My heart is rather flat lined these days. I don't think I have to capabilities to deeply love anyone again. I care and I am caring....but opening up that part of myself, I doubt. Mom died in June 2011. My husband dumped me 3 years earlier. I actually had my first date in 3 years last weekend. He is a great guy. But I ask myself - why bother going there again???? I'm 56 and alone. Sue

Finally had a dream and my mom was in it last night. She seemed to just be observing me with my friends, She looked content. This morning i was confused by it, but then, it made sense.

That's great, Marlene to get a visit from your mom even if it is in your dream.  My grandmother used to call those visits.  Whenever she would dream about my grandfather after he passed away, she would say he visited her the night before because he was in her dream.  To me, it's like your mom is telling you she's happy and in a better place and pleased that you're enjoying time with your friends. She's at peace.  I've had a couple of dreams about my mom too since she passed away in August and they have been like that as well.  I wake up knowing she's still looking over me, but knowing she's with God now.

So I talked to a hospice bereavement counselor last week. I guess I had been avoiding them for too long, or it wasn't the right time. She really listened to me and helped with the difficulty of being in charge. I had been telling my 3 yr old nana was on vacation. Had no clue how to break it to him, let alone convince myself of the reality. She suggested I tell him, so I did. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. But I really hate being in charge of everything sometimes I feel like my family looks for me to fill my mom's shoes. Example: My mom was big into holidays/ Birthdays she really made a big deal. My younger sisters B-day was Mar. 25 . I sent her a card w/o realizing mom was no longerhere to do that and make her feel special. She told me she missed that and how much it meant I thought of her. it amazes me what little things my mom done that meant so much, but we never thought twice about it til now.

Hi guys...its Sue. I had to set up a new e mail and all on this site changed my e mail. I know how you are feeling Sandra about staying away from people who have not suffered a loss. I also understand about going to the grave. My mom's cremains are buried with her mother in Michigan. My aunt wants to send me a picture of the headstone and I just can't go there. I do have some of moms ashes at my house with her picture which keeps me company. It doen't get easier does it. Love Sue

my mom has been gone since july 2011. i think about her daily, wishing that she was still here. i'm going to be going through some life changing decisions soon, and i wish that she was here to ensure that i'm making the right choices. i haven't been able to go to her grave in months, it's still too difficult to see that. i guess it's because i don't like to be reminded that she's gone forever. i also agree that things don't get easier, i just hope that one day i can find peace in her passing.

Ashlee I don't know if this will help but whatever choices that you make recall every time your mom smiled and approved.  Recall that feeling you felt with her approval so that when you make your choices knowing they were the best for you that she would be super proud.  Thats what I've been doing these days.  Every thing I've faced I have longed to talk to her about it before I make any decisions.  It sucks not having them there just to listen.   I think my moms around me.  I'd swear at times I can smell her or strange things will happen like seeing the number 1111 or 333 on the digital clocks or other things.  I have decided to keep my moms cremains with me.  I actually find comfort that they are with me and not spread or in the ground.  They should be with me.  We were inseperable in life.  I took care of her my entire life.  I miss her so much it's hard to think there is going to be any joy in life.  So I try my hardest to believe she's around me.  She can see and hear me and she'd be proud of my choices.

Melissa,

I have the anxiety myself. I have a great sense of denial and pretend she is just a phone call away until I am able to breath again. It doesnt get easier...we just learn to deal with it differently every day. How I miss my mom. My life is just so different now. Easter this weekend. Another realization that I am alone without my mommy. She use to make the best Easter Dinner. Leg of lamb.

Linda,

Your mother gave you life. Celebrate her love for you by making her proud of you. Be the best YOU can be from this day on until you are reunited with her. She is still your mom and she is not GONE. She is just in another place right now. Sue

I had a really freaky dream last night about my mom.....  It even woke me up....  I was back home for her memorial services and forgot her ashes in Seattle, forgot the poster board with pics and pic blanket.

I am crying and my aunt;s show up etc... then the funeral director comes out and says there is a problem with moms cremation... we go back and they have her on this gurney.  they take the sheet off and she wakes up and looks at me,,,, cries and says "Sis I love you! "  It just so freaked me out ...

Linda,

What do you think she is trying to say to you?

Linda,

My take on your dream is that when we are really grieving and feel so sad and hopeless our departed ones are trying to come to us and make us feel better. But because we are so full of raw emotion they cannot get through. Our loved ones contact us through vibrations. When you are sleeping your mind is less cluttered. When I was in my worst stages of grief right after mom passed, I had the same dreams. I would wake up crying out for my mom. Once I researched what happens to us when we leave this earth and our host bodies I began to understand more about death. Your loved one is in another place. Not gone. Just in another place. Why would we be here and then just poof be gone and thats the end of it. No way. My mother comes in me now in my dreams and it is usually enjoyable. She is helping me with unresolved issues I have had all of my life. Open your mind and your heart. We all have the capabilities to reconnect with someone who has gone before us to the next world. I have done it myself and I am just an ordinary person. Sue