I miss my mom so much and everytime I see a woman her age, I feel cheated of my mom. I remember to be thankful for the 72 years she had on this earth but being abroad since I was 18, is hard since I never spent a lot of time with her. My co-worker keeps wishing her mom dead, she says she's a burden. I wish I could have mom here with me, even if I had to carry her on my back or feed her. It saddens me that someone can have such disregard for their mother.

My Mom passed away on August 25, 2011 at the age of 70.  I was right there with her when she took her last breath.  I still can't believe she is gone.  If people say there is life after death, then how can I talk to her?  I want to know how she is doing. I miss her terribly on this earth.  Here is to pay tribute:

Video I made for her 

Elaine, The night my mom died, my daughter, Lisa was at my house. Mom had been out of it for nearly a week. At one point Lisa looked up and saw her grandmother standing (mom had been in a wheelchair for years) in the doorway. She told me that Mom was smiling this beautiful smile, holding her bag and waving. An hour later Mama was gone. I truly believe that you will see and/or hear from your mom when you least expect it.

A line from one of Mama's favorite poems is "love is stronger than death." I hold onto that like a drowning woman in rough seas.

This is a nice poem that comforts me when I'm feeling lonely without my mom.

Mom, I need to talk to you

Some things I need to say

I thank the good Lord up above

For you everyday.



I think of times when as a child

I took your love for granted

But at this painful time in life

I feel the seeds you planted.



The seeds of strength, you placed in me

Are grown and now in bloom

Although alone, I face today

Your strength is in this room.



The seeds of faith, you gave to me

Have flourished, and have stayed

As you instructed long ago

When feeling weak, I've prayed.



The seeds of love you planted deep

And nourished them with care

You watered them with many tears

And blessed them with your prayers.



So Mom, I want to thank you now

YOU are Gods greatest art

for giving me these fruits of love

Forever in my Heart  Unknown

Denise, That is a beautiful poem! It's really nice.

Amy, I know what you mean. My Mom was a hoarder too. I have about 8 boxes of stuff in my kitchen that I haven't been able to actually go though yet. There was so much stuff when cleaning out her house that it was hard to just take a few things, because even though most of the stuff didn't mean anything to me, it obviously meant something to her and it was hard just getting rid of her things. Thanks for sharing.

Some you mention seeing your mother, dreaming about her, and having these events with her.  I would give anything for that to happen to me.  I don't see her, hear her, or dream of her.  Why?  Why don't I get to see the love of my life.  It is truly like I am a walking zombie just going through the motions of life.  The other day, I saw a woman from the side and she looked like my mommy.  My heart stopped and I starting runnning towards her.  Then, I just began to cry uncontrollably and had to just get myself to the car.  It is just horrible.  Those moments trigger grief in a torturous way.  I need my mom back.  I don't want life without her.

We live in a world where everything is so easily replaced; I don't know how to deal when someone close to me is PERMANENTLY gone. 7 weeks ago, she was a living, breathing human being; today, she is nowhere to be found.

Hi Jun,

I understand exactly how you feel. All of us on the site do. I have so many things I would say to my mom that I wish I had. She died with me holding her hand and caressing her cheek. As much as I am greatful to have been there for her passing to the next world, it haunts me all of the time like it does you. To watch the life drain out of your moms life is beyond explanation. I see my moms face inside of my head all the time. She is healthy and happy and we are laughing...then I remember her being so sick and suffering so damn much and I cry. Yes..it seems life does go on...but I am like you ...I want my mom. Mom died June 26th. It seems forever ago that I held her sweet hand and told her "Mom it's ok to to God" and she did. I am forever changed without her beside me. Your friend Sue

@ Suzanne. I have had two vivid dreams with my mom and although they are so wonderful and peaceful at the time of the dream, when I wake up and realize it wasn't real, it feels as if she died all over again.  I used to go shopping with my mom every weekend since I can remember and the other day I went to a market I used to go a lot with my mom and I felt this overwhelming sense my mom was with me. the feeling was so intense I felt as if I were going to collapse on the floor.  again I felt her for the moment and then it was gone.  Every time I experience these feelings I am grateful but the pain of losing her hits me every time.  do I want to continue feeling these sensations, yes.  is it scary?  yes.  Hopefully you have these "visits" but be prepared and understand it may open feelings you will have to deal with.  I hope you experience the spirit of your mom.  She's out there, loving you.  just in a different way.  listen with your heart.

Peace.

Kevin,

I have experienced the same as you have. Exactly the same. I am more greatful to experience the vist-connection than I am sad when it ends. I do want to cry and be sad when it is over. Sometimes I feel a gigantic pang of grief. My mom and I shopped together every Sunday. Because I work all week..it was our day together. I never realized how much I would begged to have those days back. I believe anything is possible if you open your heart and mind and allow it to enter. Sometimes she swishes through me like a breeze and I say "Hi Mom". She just says..."I'm here". I believe if you are full of anger and hate for any reasons (your family, your job) those feelings control you and you can't "receive" what you and I are experiencing. When mom was in the hospital she told myself my sisters that two little babies slept with her one night. One on the left, one of the right. My sisters told her it was the medication. When they left..mom and I talked about it and we knew that the babies were two angels. My sisters are not open minded enough to think such things are possible. I am so greatful for having the mother that I HAVE.. She is still my mother.

Sue,

I can totally relate to what you said as I had so many things that I wanted to say to my mother before she passed away last year from Ovarian Cancer.  She died five months to the day she was diagnosed and before that she was fine.  It was so sudden.  My mother and I had a love/hate relationship.  We had the same personalities and clashed all the time.  I thought I had time to patch things up before she passed, but I didn't.  I wanted to be there when she passed, but in the end, it hurt me so much to see her body shut down and leave this earth.  Sometimes I regret it, sometimes I don't.  I miss her every day!  Sometimes I see daughters fighting with their mothers and I just want to shake the girl and tell her how lucky she is to have her mom because I don't have that anymore and it's tearing me apart.  It's also had to see my dad dating again.

Two days after mom passed away, she came to me in a very vivid dream. It felt so real but didn’t last very long. The Monday before she passed, a very strong hand gripped me, when I reached out to touch the hand, there was just air. I know it was mom. I never believed in pennies from heaven until she died, every time I’m having a hard time, I find a penny. One time a penny actually dropped on my head in the middle of our driveway; there’s just no way to explain this, all I know is that these are all signs from mom. I miss my mom so much; I actually have pain in my chest on most days. I never thought grief could hurt physically. I know if I didn’t have a daughter; my body would just die off from this grief.

Mercy,

I have a hard time believing in the afterlife.  But I clearly recall some time ago waking up in the middle of the night and seeing my mother in front of my bed kissing my forehead.  It freaked me out!  I thought I was dreaming, but I was actually wide awake.  I keep looking for signs and don't see them, but maybe I'm missing them. 

Llana, most faiths believe in life after death. I've also read a lot of books that convince me there is life after death. There was a show on 20/20 a few months ago on near death experiences, I recorded it and play it every once in a while when I'm having my darkest moments. The people they interviewed seemed very believable and the stories they told were so similar that I have to believe there really is life after death.This is the only thing that keeps me sane, knowing I'll see my loved ones again. Please read the book ninety minutes in heaven and heaven is for real; it will give you a deep perspective on the afterlife. I get a lot of signs from my loved ones these days, the latest one happened just last week. We experienced a major event that could have changed the course of our lives forever if God had not intervened. Hours after it happened, I felt a warmth around me and my moms presence. When I got home that evening, I saw three pennies on the dining room floor, it was really spooky but comforting. Three days later, the issue was totally resolved in a very miraculous way. I know now I have angels watching over me; my three brothers, mom and dad are my angels. If you look for signs, you'll see them, I pray that you will. God Bless you dear.

Mercy.

Hi,

I remember my moms smile too!  She had such a great laugh. I miss all of those things we just take for granted will always be there. They aren't. Scarey dreams, I blieve because we are well ...scared. My mom was my everything. Now I am alone. Sue

Hi Friends,

I love reading about you all and what you are experiencing right now. Certainlly, we are all wondering...and wanting to hold onto something that we can feel good about right now. Something we can each believe to be magical and beautiful. I will tell you this. I truly believe we will be reunited with our departed loved ones. I don't have to read any books. I watched my mother willingly go with God and take her last breathe. It was so beautiful yet it haunts me watching the life drain out of her beautiful face. During this experience - it changed me. My mother non-verbally communicated to me she was going to be alright. I have never been a super relgious person. Now I am. I still have MANY questions about religion. But I know there is an afterlife. For some it is called Heaven. Some call it The Garden of Souls. I don't think Jews, Catholics, Christians, Musulims or any specific religion condemn another in saying that they are the ONLY religion to believe. I love the Buddhist way of life. I have incoporated these ways into my life today. Doesn't mean I am Buddhist. You want to find some peace and answers? Read about Buddhism. Powerful stuff. I now live every single day being the best human I can possibly be to earn my passage to heaven. I give back, I help others, I try and be patient and kind and all of that ....I'm not saying I suceed every day. Put the focus on earning your passage to the after world. Sue

I recently had a dream, I can't remember all the details but I also heard my mom saying "I have to go now"; it was so sad......but I didn't cry, I just watched her walk away.

Last week I was notified of my inheritance by one of my sisters and I'm finding it so hard to even think about the money. I'll probably start a scholarship fund in my moms name at my old high school. How do you all deal with inheritance? This is the first inheritance am receiving from anyone.

The irony...I got a call from my sister that my inheritance is in the mail this morning.

I feel exactly the same way. Sad. Not happy at all. Sad. I have no idea how much..why it is such a secret...I have no idea. Mom wanted to leave us something. She was such a saver - not a spender! Paid cash for everything, even her car. She would always get on my case about spending money. I wish she was here to bug me again!!! LOL. I'm busying a new vaccum - a Dyson. She would love that! Such a cleaner she was. I have 4 cats and a Golden Retriever so vaccuming is a necessity for me regularly. Oh, how I miss her coming to my house and cleaning out of cubboards and putting that paper down in the drawers making everything so damn neat!  I miss her. Our lives are different now aren't they Mercy? Maybe buy yourself something your mom would chukle over. Don't do anything with it yet. Sit on it...your mom will tell you how she wants you to spend it. If you listen you can hear her. My mom is constantly giving me advise. She is always with me. Just look in the mirror and you will see your mom. You are one in the same forever. I know exactly how you are feeling Mercy. I feel the exact same. Sad - alone. So alone it is something scarey. Then I pray. Love Sue

Sue; thank you so much for the advice as always, and what a coincidence with the inheritance story?? Its been five months since mom died and we are just starting to try and function.

 I knew it would be tremendously hard for me to accept something after the loss of someone, am just now learning how hard. I’ll definitely sit on this for a while, in my grief, I’ll probably do something stupid so waiting is a good idea. She also had a lot of real estate and I’m not sure how she designated that; I dare not ask and will probably wait for years to find out. There’s such a finality to wills and trusts that makes the grief ten times worse.

IIana and Elaine. I feel the same way. I feel so alone most of thetime, sometimes I seek company thats very unhealthy for me. My baby girl will be two soon, she's the only person that I feel connected to since I'm in a far away land, away from family and old friends. I hate the holidays so much now and cannot even get into the spirit no matter how hard I try. I just keep hoping one day this cloud will pass, for the sake of my baby.  Elaine, I too feel like the best part of me is gone but I still have my little girl who needs me. I know if not for her, I would not even be in this world.

Hey Kris and Zonna.

Thanks for sharing your stories. It's not easy to lose our mothers. Rather it was a long or sudden illness. We're never truly ready to let them go. At least that's my feeling. Mine has been gone for almost 4 months now and today while making coffee I thought of something funny I wanted to tell her and started to reach for the phone. It breaks my heart every time.

Zonna I know exactly what you mean about underestimating the pain of grief, I use to too. Not now, never again.

I’m so sorry; it’s very hard to live life without mom. Mom was sick for one year and we watched her slowly lose her battle with cancer. It was the most painful thing I had to go through. My two brothers and dad had sudden deaths and my other brother had a long battle with illness too. It’s never easy. I thought I would be prepared for mom’s death since she was so sick but I was so wrong. It’s been five months and I cry almost daily. I long for her so much that sometimes my heart aches.  Mom was our hero, when dad died 17 years ago, she took over everything, she worked tirelessly to continue my dad’s legacy. We miss her and tried so hard to get her the best treatment but God had other plans. It’s still very hard for us to come to terms with mom’s death, I know I’ll never be the same ever again. I’m not forty yet but have had five deaths in my immediate family and numerous death in my extended family, including my baby niece and nephew.

God bless you dear.

Elaine,

I completely agree with you that cancer is an evil disease. I will share this with you. When mom was in the hospital, very weak from chemo and radiation...she told myself and my two sisters that the night before two babies slept beside her. One tucked under her right arm and one the left. My sisters made fun of her stating it was the medication. HA.HA. But when they left the room I told my mother that they were angels guarding her and she said yes they were. She was as clear minded and sincere as I can tell you. Cancer is evil. Created by the devil himself. It robs us of our lives, our loved ones. Same as Alzheimers, heart attacks and still born babies. Life without our mother's is almost unbearable isn't it. But we have no choice. God does has a plan for each of us. My mother was all I had in this whole world. Now I spend all of my time earning my way to be reunited beside her. God bless and remember there is way more to this thing called "life" than we can possibly imagine. Be open...there is a great deal to learn before we are accepted into heaven. Sue