Thank you Vasanthi and Connie...

It is a hard day...

My son was my best friend and just understood me at a deep level...I miss him so much...

....I never dreamed I would be entering the second part of my life without him...my mind just blows apart when this thought tries to enter....

Having a hard hard day... how to go on without my son???? :(

Happy Birthday LR! It might not feel like a happy day, but this world was blessed the day you were born. Every life, and every death is important to the world. For without life there would be no love. Be kind to yourselves, you deserve it. Could've done without the death thing but there are some things no one understands. Peace and love to all!

Thank you to everyone who gave me birthday wishes...and thank you Dolly for the "cake" it very much touched my heart tonight...

It is now 1 am in the morning and still sleep does not come...I am going to be tired tomorrow...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LR

Thank you Teresa for the birthday greeting...it is very kind.

...I am going to go out today away from the house for some alone time...I need it...

Thinking of you Dolly. <3

Dolly ..hugsss,  we r with u

Never know what is going to happen.  My fiancé's birthday is tomorrow and his mother sent him a card.  He displayed it on the island counter. I started to read it and the more I read it the madder I started to become.  I wanted to rip it to shreds.  Part of me felt like HOW DARE YOU GIVE HIM THAT CARD knowing I will read it! But then I had to remind myself that is her son and he is ALIVE! 

I didn't shred it, instead I put it back standing up so he could see it and so when his mother comes she can see her son displayed her card. 

I then ran to a drawer of cards given to me by my kids.  Michael never signed his card.  I knew he always took the time to select them but he never signed them.  Well I found 2, only 2, but I found 2 signed cards by Michael.

Teresa, how nice that you found Micheal's cards.. that feels so so nice.. I was on shreyas's fb page and keep posting small things and was reading what his friends have written and it makes me want to weep at such a senseless tragedy. I feel I don't want memories but want the reality of my son being there with his gentle eyes and smile...my world used to be just oh so full and I just feel so damn sad that I have to live till god knows when without him.

Conniw , Wish you a peaceful trip... i tried emailing you earlier but i jad to click a link n fill out some details but after doing that i still could not email...any other id? u can message me the id..xoxox

Dolly, thinking of you and hoping Brandon makes himself clearly evident to you on this day. I wish I could say something that would take away your pain, but I know very well that it's not possible. Know that I'm thinking of you, as we all are, and remembering the beautiful smile you've shared with us of Brandon's. HUGS!

Brandon has a smile that will never go away.  Look at the happiness in his face.  He is beautiful Dolly!  He might be gone physically but he will never be gone spiritually.  He loves you and so do we!

Dolly, wishing you a special comfort on Brandon's Angel Day...know how hard this can be...

Sending you lots of love and prayers today Dolly. Brandon's smile just lights up the universe!

Dolly ... hugsss.... u know that Brandon always smiling is sooooooooooooo with u  xoxox

Always remembering you all.  Just have not been able to join in lately, but wanted to let you know that we are remembered nationally now. I believe it still has a long way to go to get more recognition.

Today I took a great big leap of faith, literally! I jumped into the channel off the lake where I live to raise money for a gal who has brain cancer. The air temp was about 38 degrees, and the water temp about 32 degrees, with 20 mi an hr winds. I haven't left my comfort zone since my first boy died, and today I conquered a fear I have carried for 48 years. I did this today not only to kick cancer butt, but for all bereaved parents everywhere. Today I proved to myself that just because my children are in Heaven doesn't mean they can't be proud of their dear O'l Mom! I know it sounds a bit crazy, but I feel like I have taken back a piece of my life  that death had stolen. That jump was also for you Ben, and lil Del. Mom loves you forever!

wow Anne... so proud of u ,,hugsss

been a very difficult day again... have cried n cried , i just cant seem to stop the tears.. I MISSSSSSSSSS MY SON AND WANT HIM BACK

Dear Vasanthi, you just go ahead and shed all the tears you need too. I wish I could come to you and hug you tight. Picture in your mind your son in your arms. Sometimes that helps me through the difficult days. I know he's loving you always.

Anne, that must be a great feeling.

Vasanthi, Mick is holding you tight right now. 

For Mother's Day I'm displaying cards given to me from Michael.  It's all I have. I will never stop being his mom. 

I just want Mother's Day to pass so I can take an emotional break. 

Adrianne, we're all behind you in thought and prayer. Hang in there even though it's hard.

Dear Adrianne, try to think of the tough days behind you as victory. Each day you get through is one more day of survival, and a slap in the face to death. You are not alone. Gather strength from Love, because your child and all of us Love you.

Anne, Teresa thank you for everything... hugsss to all

Everyday is a day closer to Michael. 

Dear Friends, Mothers Day is fast approaching. Out of all the holidays this one is the worst for me. It always turns up the guilt for me. I was their mother. I was supposed to protect them. No matter how hard I try to make myself believe that I couldn't have stopped what happened I still feel like somehow I failed them. Part of me knows there was nothing I could've done to prevent both accidents, but the other part has a hard time forgiving myself. Not so much with Ben because I was too far away to stop that accident, but I still feel so guilty for not driving the day Lil Del died. I know I shouldn't hang on to that guilt, but it sure has been one of the hardest things for me to handle. I am so sleep deprived lately, and I know that plays a big role in how I handle things. I know Mothers Day will be very hard on all of us so I'm going to say extra prayers. There will come a day when we will all be together with our loved ones. I'm counting on it! You are all very important to me, and I thank you for your support. May the Peace, and Love that passes all understanding be with all!

My first mothers day without Kyra coming up. Already feeling so sad.

Eva, Lynn Dolly, and everyone else......we are still a mom. 

I pulled out all of my cards that I have from Michael.  I displayed them so I can look at them.  Yes they bring tears to my eyes but they are a reminder to me how much Michael loved me.  Nothing can ever take that away.

I wish I had words of wisdom for those of you who are new but I don't.  All I can offer to you is the compassionate support that I have received and continue to receive.

To everyone I hope that you can find some peace and I hope you can focus on the memories rather than the reality we are all faced with.  I'm struggling myself so I know that's not easy.

I appreciate everyone one of you!

I am so disappointed and thrown back into the darkest part of grief again.  The progress that I thought I was making seems to have fled.  This is just devastating; all over again.  I drive myself even crazier trying to find the trigger that set it off, but to no avail.  Just life, I guess.  This will be my 4th Mother's Day and I don't wish to hear those words, but I know my daughters will be saying them.  Would it be wrong to tell them not to mention it?  If only I could hide somewhere for awhile; a long while.  June is his birthday and July is when he left us so I guess I can not escape.  Will just hope that I don't stay in this funk for 3 months.
I feel all of your pain and pray always for peace to come to all of us.  There are calmer days, but I guess they don't last forever.
I also pray as Anne said, May the Peace, and Love that passes all understanding be with all!   

Anne, I could have wrote the last post you made..those are my feelings too after 2 deaths of my son's....

I feel so flattened...and sometimes there are not good words to describe how I feel because even I do not know...the emotions flip through so fast...and are not always identifiable...

...and no matter how I try to reason...I will always feel responsible for assisting my son with the motorcycle purchase...we were almost going to walk away from place that was selling when I noticed the cycle that would kill him...I am so guilt ridden...there are no words for this...

((( ))) Toni.

Last visit with my mother she finally broke her silence.  She spoke fondly of Michael and then very quietly I heard her blame herself.  All this time I just thought she didn't want to deal with it and it hasn't been that at all.  Instead she is blaming herself.  This weekend I need to let her know she was not only a great mom but she was a Super Grandmom. 

Adrianne, your right.  Just a day to sell cards and flowers. 

No matter what we are still their moms.  We will always have that love in our hearts.  Nothing can ever take this away from us, not even death.

I have been very quiet lately... sometimes just reading helps so lately I have felt like I was ok I have not really cried in almost 3 weeks until this morning at my littlest ones Kindergarten Graduation. I just wanted to ball my eyes out I guess Dylan was there with me cause he was on my mind hard..... I have also had some serious guilt with this I am "ok" feeling like how am I ok after only 5 months, why am I not crying everyday, I must not have loved him right if I feel ok after this short period. I read everyone's posts and my heart just breaks more because we all have to continue down this path without our children. This will be my first mothers day without Dylan and I am not sure how its going to be, we never really made a big deal about it so maybe it won't be to bad I really don't want to be all sad and make everyone around me miserable I guess that is a choice I will have to consciously make on Sunday. I send prayers and hugs to you all. This too shall pass.....