Peace, and Love to all, today, and every day!

LR I'm sad that you have to go through the court process. I did too, and I just want to tell you that as with everything else this too shall pass. The whole court thing takes so much time. It's like reliving things over, and over. The day we had our final court appearance the pictures of my son dead in the car were passed around. They were not meant to be passed to me, but got passed to me anyway. I'll never forget what I saw that day. The picture is forever engrained in my mind. I'll never understand how such a rotten mistake could've been made that day by passing those pictures to me. I guess as humans we all make mistakes. I hope the people in the court proceedings are more careful with you. You are in my heart.

Hey Dolly what's up? Haven't heard from you in a while. Let us know if there's anything we can do to help.

Anne, I am worried that I will get more information that I want to know at the court dates...I am hoping that there will be some common sense.

Eva, thank you for sharing the poems and writings...

Theresa and Vasanthi thanks for the virtual hugs...

It is so hard to get though the holiday...I started out ok but am finding myself just having to rest here...

LR  I hope also that they use common sense at your court dates. This is difficult enough without having to deal with professional ignorance.

This day is almost over. Was a tough afternoon, but I played guitar hero by myself and amazingly it really helped with my frustration. I just wish I had someone to play with. I'm glad I discovered another way to give my mind a break. Spending holidays alone never gets easier, but it's evening and the sun is going down on another day.

May the love and peace that passes all understanding be with all of you. I wish for you all courage, strength, and wisdom for the coming week.

The pain.............

It just never goes away.

My oldest sister passed away.

Her funeral was today.

She had a life, she was 77.

My brother passed away 2 years ago.

I am the only surviving sibling.

I am in a very weird place today, my mind is running backwards.

I'm so sorry for your loss Jane. Sending love and Hugs to everyone here.

I fumble with words now....focus is lost...or even the desire

I just miss you Devan

This afternoon, 13 months to the day from my son's death, I went to see the movie "Heaven is for Real." It touched me. So did the song "Compass" by Rascal Flatts, which played while the credits were rolling. Check it out if you can.

Jane, I'm so sorry that you've had to endure yet another loss. Prayers and hugs!

Eva - what a beautiful sweet girl.

Michele - I want to see that. I have been reading Closer to the Light. If u liked the movie you might like this book. It has brought me some comfort and inspiration

http://youtu.be/f7VDu6gAoCs

Eva I wish I could wrap my arms around you and make this pain go away. I see your pain, I feel your pain and it hurts so much to know someone else has to endure this. 

Jane I am so sorry that you had to endure a loss. Losing your sister no matter what age has to be hard.

I appreciate you all.

i just want to quit crying...I want everyone around me to quit telling me to push past the pain...like I can...If these tears could bring her back I guess they'd have a purpose..but they can't...so the world sees me as weak...full of regret...but I cry because I don't want her to be gone...I cry because my heart controls them and not my head...I cry because I love her...I cry because she is a part of me that's missing....I can't stop wanting my Devan back...and my soul screams for her in the heavens...without an answer.  I physically want to hold her...stroke her hair...I want my friend back...my daughter...my little one. I cry because my heart knows it can not be so...

Eva, I'm with you...I'd give anything to see Michael just for a second.  I just want to talk to him for just one quick second.  I need my baby.  Tears...are just a part of my day now.  Others don't want us to hurt without realizing this is the greatest loss any parent could feel. 

Michael's last day we talked about his future, as a mom I saw it in my mind as we talked.  Now it is all gone.  Everything is just gone. 

Jacqueline, I don't know what to say.  To lose such a beautiful baby at the hands of someone else.  My heart cries for you.

I don't have anything to really say....I'm so drained and exhausted.

What an awesome pic Dolly. All these beautiful creatures to show you that Spirit is everywhere and Brandon is probably taking soaring rides with these beauties! (( ))

I always feel like Daniel is there when I see these big magnificent birds. Like the bald Eagle that soared above us last year and disappeared with little white lights. Nothing but magical. I definitely feel like I had a little visit from my son. I miss him so much ....still look at his picture and say please come home. It's time to come home.

The Link to Global News is the news story About my daughter, Alexcia Mckamey.. I just cant handle this its horrible its like im stuck with no answers , no child, no future, she is everything I had planned for.. its so hard .. I am trying my best but no body understands or can comprehend how much this hurts.. I feel so alone and all I want is her.. I miss her .. everything about her.

Global News

M I C H A E LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! This is how I feel today.  I just want to scream his name and go look for him.

Jacqueline - what a beautiful little girl. It's heartbreaking. I pray for something that can give you some closure about her passing. I know when I look at that picture, I can't help buy see my son at that age.

We all know the pain of losing our babies and our future as well as theirs. I am so sorry for you pain.<3

Jacqueline, my heart breaks over your loss. I can't believe after all this time they still haven't found why your beautiful child died. It's unnerving that they have no answers for you. I know answers won't bring her back, but just knowing what happened would give you some sort of way to begin your journey.

Dear sweet Teresa, I feel your pain today. The yearning for what one cannot have is immense. I try to not dwell on things I can't change, but there's always those days when I feel more broken than ever. It's very hard to not wonder how different life would be if tragedy had not struck my life. I work at a daycare, and I take care of children of friends of my sons, and sometimes I wonder how much more I can take. I know I don't have any choice but to keep going, but this is one of those days when I wish I could stop the world cause I want to get off.

I'm feeling selfish today, and I'm going to allow myself to have self pity for a while today. I have stood strong and tall for so long, but not today. I'm tired, weak, and worn out. Tomorrow I am having a endoscopy to find out why I am having so much trouble with my stomach, and why I'm bleeding. If it was up to me I wouldn't even bother finding out why, at least for today. Some parts of this journey does get a little easier to deal with, while other parts become unbearable at times. Once again I'm having trouble sleeping, and I know that plays a big roll on how well I deal with life daily. I'm sure I will pull out of it, but I'm not sure how long it will take. Whew! It felt kinda good to get that off my chest. I sure wish I could just cry my eyes out and get it out, but I haven't been able to have a good cry in a long time.

Looking at the picture of that precious baby girl Alexcia has my heart reeling. I'd like to run but I know all to well that I can't hide, so for today I guess I'll just go with the flow. Here's hoping for all of us a little comfort today. May the Peace and Love that passes all understanding be with us all!

Jacqueline I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby girl. She is so beautiful. Some days it is easier to get through the day. I look out my window and there are about 25 bright yellow finches near the feeder, a reminder that spring is here.  It is cold here today and had to turn on the heat. Yesterday Kyra's farm family sent us a Thank you note for a present for their new daughter. We sent Maude a pair of carhartt overalls a perfect gift for a farm baby. She misses Kyra so much too. I know life goes on, a new season of crops and tilled fields, but some days I feel so stuck and want to go back to the day she died, and try again. I too am feeling sorry for myself today, I need a day to wallow in what might have been. Seems weekends are harder for me.  My husband is busy working on the out building and the barn getting it ready for my other daughter to move back home from Montana.  If Kyra were still alive I know she would have stayed there, but the memories of her sister being close by are over.  Death brings so many changes to ones life. I still can't comprehend that Kyra is not here a physical being that I can hear, touch and see. I feel her at times but like any mother want more. I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow Anne. I have been having a lot of difficulty sleeping again. I stopped taking the Ambien and my mind doesn't calm down.  Hugs to all.. Lynn 

I guess it's one of those days for giving ourselves permission to just grieve. My sentiments exactly Ann. It made ME feel better for you to vent! Adrianne, Teresa, Lynn I feel you all. Today during the Sunday am talk at the Ashrama, they were speaking about the beauty of feeling God's love. The speaker said "...if you can imagine the BEST mother's kiss...." and that was it. I started the water works on the spot just because of the overwhelming truth that I will never get to kiss my son again in this world, on his beautiful, sweet face. It is one of the most pure feelings of joy for a mom. I am grateful that I had that in my life and know that love. And as much as I feel the great love, the pain is equally as great for the loss. But I would never trade it for anything. I guess I will have to settle for angel kisses. Oh my God how I miss him, I can hardly stand it, my chest feels like it's going to explode

Aww - Sue...it is heartbreaking for your grandchildren to be without their daddy. Just remind him daddy's always looking after him from heaven.

reading everything and am so saddened that we have new members here in this family..but it is family and I welcome u all with love and wishes for an easing of this horrid pain we all feel..it is something that it does ease especially after sharing with friends here. Dolly, I feel for you and I think its a good idea to go and be in an unfamiliar place and would be nice to catch up with old friends too. Connie , oh yessssss every night whenever we were at home together, I would kiss his forehead and say goodnight before he slept .. at times he would kind of mock grimace and say eeeee and cover his face with the sheet and say ok now kiss me all u want :D... i wish i could do just that..i miss him sorely and every time i get a small shock inside when i feel i will never see that loved face again.. Teresa like u , i feel like saying mickyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy come home...:( love to all here 

I miss the ones who used to post more on here and I hope that they're doing OK. I know how hard it can be to write when sadness and grief overtake us. I cherish the posts that each person writes and wish I could always address each one of you personally. Know that I continue to pray for peace and comfort for everyone who has this awful burden to bear. HUGS

And a P.S...it's so sad to see new members enter the group. I remember my own entry a year ago and how devastated I was to be here.

Vasanthi, thank you for bringing back a good memory for me. When Lil Del was still alive he loved his kiss goodnight. When he turned 12 he told me that I could still kiss him goodnight, but because he was becoming a man I had to go to giving him his goodnight kiss on his forehead. Out of all my memories that goodnight kiss is the most precious. Knowing that I will have to wait to kiss him goodnight again hurts my heart, but I pray the day will come when I do get to kiss him goodnight once more. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can picture my sweet little boy bending down for me to kiss him. It sucks that I can't kiss or hug either one of my boys anymore on this earth.

I seem to have fallen into a quite place.  Part of me thinks everyone is tired of hearing me.  I tell the same stories over and over to my friends and family.  I can't create new ones. 

I'm still crying daily which no one can believe.  I had Michael for 29 years and you want me to cry for 29 days.  No I'll cry until it doesn't hurt. 

I'm stuck between disbelief and reality.  Some days I can face it some days I can't believe it. 

I want to look for him so bad even though I know I can't find him.

I want to call his phone but I know he won't answer.

I miss all the little stupid things he did, like smash his own face with an ice cream cake.  OUCH!

Progress is so slooooooow and painful.

I just want my Michael. 

so true Teresa. I feel the same. I also can't believe I am still alive Adrianna 8 months later. Hugs to all today.

Teresa, it looks like we are on about the same timetable...my son passed a little less than a month after yours...

A  girl talked to me this Sunday about Jesse and as she started she said "I know it has been a long time since Jesse passed..."

I thought not for me it hasn't been, I do not even remember 2013....It was suddenly I awoke from a coma this spring and discovered it to be 2014 with all of the nightmare a reality...

Today is my birthday...the only good thing about it is I am one year closer to my death...

The last few nights I have been dreaming of deeply weeping in them...and I feel this as I wake up each morning...it is my spirit crying in the night since I cannot always openly cry in the day...

Dearest LR

Happy Birthday to you. I know how hard it is to feel any joy on your own birthday. I know I felt like I just didn't want a birthday. Why should I get to have one when my son can't? But we carry on with the help of our children's spirit. But I hope you can feel some comfort from those who love you.

I honestly can't control myself and still cry openly in the day. Often I have to leave places because the wave of grief is just so overwhelming. It's been 16 months and it still feels like yesterday.

Sending everyone lots of love and prayers.

LR,

Happy Birthday. I know you wont be able to feel the joy of a birthday and neither do I but those who love you will feel the joy and I hope you feel the peace of your child's spirit on this day. I am sure that at the spirit level there is no grief and that there is more awareness so those who pass on are probably wanting our happiness and will feel happy ttoo.Give them to the  Lord and He will take care of our precious ones who are equally precious to Him. when I ramble on like this, I dont know what I am actually trying to say but just hoping that all here get some joy and peace in their lives ,,,,hugss to all

Thank you Vasanthi and Connie...

It is a hard day...

My son was my best friend and just understood me at a deep level...I miss him so much...

....I never dreamed I would be entering the second part of my life without him...my mind just blows apart when this thought tries to enter....