Gail~that web sit was awsome. Such inspiring words. Thank you

A Shade of Sadness. ♥


In comes the darkness to my soul
even as I sit in the early morning sun,
the distant sounds of the living
seem far removed from the fogginess of my mind.
♥
In the stillness of the house
which seems quieter than quiet,
time seems to pass too slowly.
♥
A feeling of being outside myself
looking back into an empty shell
of the person I used to be.
♥
I cry for my former self.
That person I once liked and enjoyed.
She is gone.
A loss within a loss, within a loss.
♥
A heaviness in my heart,
the weight of a million tears.
Drowning my emotions,
mixing and swirling in a pool of despair.
Ugly hateful despair.
♥
A sadness so deep and heavy
leaving the body tired and used,
I feel I could sleep,
sleep for a thousand years and never wake up.
♥
A thousand years will not change a thing.
You would still not be here.
What to believe, I don't know.
I just don't know. My soul is lost.
♥
I know not which way to turn.
Where to look,
♥
I feel helpless,
helpless to help my self,
annoyed with the daily things of life I must do.
♥
I don't care, not anymore.
The world could fall upon it's knees
it would not matter,
I am too shrouded in the darkness of my world
that spins ever out of control,
directing my emotions
with no warning as to what feelings
will be brought upon me next.
♥
There is guilt, another weight to bear.
Those who are with me, who I love and love me,
they need me, but I am not ready.
I hold them back at arms length,
I am not ready,
their demands draw on what strength I have left.
For that I am sorry,
but I cannot help bringing on the emotional distance.
There is a need to protect myself,
but from what I am not sure.
♥
There is anger.
Anger that occasionally swells within me.
There is no direction into which to fling this anger.
It is a new and different type of anger
not one I am familiar with and it disturbs me.
It makes me afraid.
♥
I try to be strong. For you, and only you.
I try to think what you would have me do.
♥
I know you would want me to live my life.
To continue on. It is not an easy task, not at all.
♥
Some days I can go out
and meet the world with vigor and say I do this for you.
♥
Some days I must crawl into my shell
and hide from the world that has been so cruel to me.
I am trying.
♥
The days are filled with thoughts of you,
and should I find myself not thinking of you,
I gasp for fear that I am forgetting you.
♥
I have learned to value life, you have taught me this.
To see the beauty in each day given to me,
even through this veil of sad darkness.
I know it is there waiting for me.
♥
Someday the sadness will lift
and I will only think of you
with a smile and warmness in my heart.
My love for you will always be there
that shall never pass
and I hope somehow you know this too.
♥
Your memory is only a heartbeat away.
I shall always love,
I shall always long for you,
I shall always wish to have you back.
And I shall live -- if only for you.



♥ By Donna Mae Scuncio. ♥

Oh Gail. Thank you for putting into words what we all feel and think, even though this had to come from your own deep dark pain. Not a good day for me because it's Irene's birthday. I wrote in the blog/journal, did it help? Not today. The sun may be out but it's dark inside. Lots of tears flooding here.

Thanks for sharing that poem Gail! I actually sent it to a family member hoping to give her insight on how I feel. She just keeps pushing to get together & I don't have the strength or desire. thanks again for sharing.

You are both welcome - I wish we didn't have to share things like these but it does give some affirmation to our own thoughts and feelings.

Karen - I hope that one day you will be able to get together with that family member - you are not long on this awful journey of grief we find ourselves on. But we are here to lean on when the going gets really tough and your strength fails you. Hugs to you xx

heres my 18 yr old daughters pic she was coming home when school let out in june 08 she wanted to teach. im still so very torn up. just writing these entries has me crying . it seems its all i do. i cant controll it. im in need of venting so please excuse some of my future rantings thanx

Hey Fred. That's why we are here. All of us have lost, felt your pain and know what it's like. There are still days that I cry, am angry, drepressed, cry, question, get out of control. cry. You are never alone. Please feel free to email me anytime. Let those tears fall, don't hold them back or they just build up and come out later I'm praying for you and your family. katherine

Hi Fred - I am so sorry you have a reason to be here - but you are amongst people who really do know your pain. Feel free to rant and rave all you need - sometimes it does help to put things into words as your thoughts are all over the place at the moment. You are just starting this terrible journey we all find ourselves on, but we are here to help you find your way through and to hold you up when things are at their toughest.

Hi Fred, Your daughter is beautiful!
..... Vent anytime - You are understood here. ((( HUG )))

Fred~your daughter is very pretty. I find it helpful to cry even now. I was talking to my best friend yesterday and she says that there are days she still cries and she lost her daughter 25 years ago. So don't worry about the crying. I was onc told somewhere that crying is God's way of allowing our souls to heal. Those of us here all know what you are feeling. You will be in my prayers. E-mail anytime you want to talk.

Ann, I haven't heard from you for awhile. Are you doing okay? I tried to send you an email but couldn't find the tab on you site?! Just worried. Sending hugs.

Spinning out of control - If there is a god he will let me fall asleep & never wake.

Karen, sweetheart - I do honestly know how you are feeling. There are so manypeople around you who need you so much. These dark days won't always be with you - that I can promise you. You will gradually learn to adapt but it takes time and patience. Patience with yourself. Life will never be the same again but it will be and your family will always need you. Sending you bundles of hugs and healing light my friend xxxx

Hi ALL -
I need a HUG & thought maybe you do too -
((((((((( GROUP HUG )))))))))

Sending Karen and everyone a hug today - just because
(((((((((((((((((((((((XXXXXXGailXXXXXXX)))))))))))))))))))

Hugs to everyone especially Karen.

Hello, Thinking of my son & all of your children. Wish there was more that I could do for you than send all of you love - But, all of us here are hurting this deep deep deep pain, feel free to share, vent, scream, or what ever will help you... We all understand. Love & HUGS - Karen

Hey Karen -thank you for thinking of everyone today - its reciprocated a million times over - hugzzzzzzz to you too xxxx

Having a hard day today. Now feeling well. Angel day coming up in a few weeks. Just thinking about everyone else and wanted some hugs. Sending them too. (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) katheirne

Katherine - a bucket of hugz coming your way - try to stay focused on the happy times, memories of laughter and joy. I'm with you every step of the way. Love Gail xx

hey katherine thanx luv. its been a few days sinci i have gotten around to motovate to do much... ... but when i read this i smiled thanx again much luv 2 you and your familiy

Just wanted to send lots of hugs to all--got a call from Army to do a survey today and that took a lot out of me needed to send some hugs to those of you who have helped me so much

Hello. Very sad and heavy hearted. My brother-in-law died this morning. He was 65 and just to darn young to be done. But then we all know what being young and gone is. The furneral is Wednesday and I'm finding I really don't want to go. I said my good-byes in the hospital last night. Selfish isn't it? I need to go for my sister, so I will. Why does life have to be so darn hard? I'm even a bit jealous, cause he is now with my daughter (am I crazy?) I am sending hugs to everyone. Katherine

(((((((((((((( KATHERINE )))))))))))))))) sending you love & strength. All of what you say makes sense ! and you are in no way selfish ! I agree - why is life so damn hard???

katherine im so sorry hun your having very bad luck i wish i knew how to change your luck luv!! id pray for you but in the present reality im not sure we havent wasted ALOT of time on the whole god thing. but i wish you the best. keep your chin up... ... hold that thought thats how we keep gettin socked in th jaw. head down fists up!!

Last evening our Brad should have graduated high school - Many of his friends came here / cemetery - before & after the graduation - they brought his cap, gown & flowers - that had laid on his chair during the grad. ceremony. - My eyes are so swollen & hurt so bad today - but, of course don't even compare to the pain in my heart, - I am with you Katherine- a bit jealous of your brother in law. ((( HUGS ))) - Karen

(((((((((Katherine))))))))))) lots of hugs dear, expecially while you are there for your sister. Don't feel bad because you are not selfish. All of us feel that way at some point in time. If they say otherwise they are in denial. I will pray for you and your family for strength. I know what you feel -- I lost my brother 8 years ago and he was just 35.

(((((((((((Karen))))))))) you are so blessed to have so much support for you and your son. During special occasions like these let me know hon and I will say extra prayers for you for strength and grace.

Karen - what a wonderful thing that Brad's friends came to be with you yesterday. It helps knowing that others are thinking of our Angels and keeping them and US in their hearts. How I wish we could blot out all these occasions and milestones - they are so painful and only bring back the loss even more poignantly. Sending you many hugs my love xx

Katherine - it is not crazy to envy those who go before us - I know it may sound strange to other people but we do know where you are coming from.
There is no selfishness in your dread of the funeral - they bring back far too many memories of our own losses. But your sister will appreciate your support and will need your strength on Wednesday. I know at times we feel we have no more strength to offer but somehow you will find it I am sure.
Will keep you close in prayer and send you love and hugs always
xxx

Surrounding You Are Angels~

They are there to guide your path.
If weakness overcomes you,
they'll give you strength, if you will ask.
They are your protection
when life seems too hard to bear.
And though you feel alone at times,
the angels ... they are there.

Their faces may be hidden
and their voices you might not hear,
but they are ALWAYS with you,
through your laughter or your tears.

They'll walk along beside you.
They'll guide your steps along the way.
They'll comfort you and hold you.
Protect you night and day.

They'll hold to your hand tightly.
They'll not ever let it go,
and they'll gently lead you forward,
taking each step very slow.

For even as you slumber,
they watch closely over you.
They are there beside you
in each and every thing you do.

When life is overwhelming,
and your spirit has grown tired,
know they'll be there for you,
to uplift and to inspire.

And when you're torn and lonely,
and you see no hope ahead,
know that they will nourish you.
Your spirit will be fed.

And if there comes a time in life
that your heart has been broken,
hear the words, "I'm here, my child,"
and know your angel has spoken.

For even in the darkest hour,
when all of hope seems gone,
they'll give you strength to live your life,
And desire to go on.

And if your faith in Heaven,
should ever fade away,
they'll help renew your spirit,
and help you find your way.

They'll help you in your times in need.
They'll wipe away your tears.
They'll show to you compassion.
They'll calm your raging fears.

They'll hold your hand and direct you,
should you fall from your path.
They'll lift you up to steady you.
All you need to do is ask.

For you see, the Father sent them,
because to Him, you mean so much.
He sent them "just for you," my friend,
And your life, they will touch.

Oh my gosh. What an out pouring of Strenght from everyone. I will wear it in my heart tomorrow at the funeral. All I can say is Thank you for all the ove and prayers, for God will help get me through this as he has the others. Fred the fists are up, well trying anyway. God Bless you all. Karen you know where my heart is honey.

I know there are a few of sharing anniversaries in the next few days and I just wanted to let you know that I am holding you all close to my heart and hope that our united strength will get us all through these dreadful times. I'm missing my Angel so very much and am having problems with some memories I usually don't like to deal with. I'm sure I'm not the only one - so how about a group hug ((((((((((((((((((((((HUGZZZZZZZ)))))))))))))))))))
love always Gail x

this june 25 is the annivesery of the death of my babies death i,m 32 and am finding the stress overwelming i just got out of the hospital yesterday i had a small stroke but almost died from complications which really scares me cause ive got a new baby breanna necole who i love so very much because i want to be there for the next 40 or 50 years maybe some of you can help me with some copeing skills that im not aware of anyone that has a comment that might help me would appreceaite all (((((((((((((((hugs to everyone)))))))))))))))

Robert - reading your story of your three beautiful Angels puts my own grief into perspective - I know how much it hurt to lose one child - to lose three - I cannot imagine.
But you have been given a coping mechanism with the birth of your new daughter.
You will have to trust me that life does get easier - I always tell people to take on day at a time because it's as much as we can do. Our whole life has been turned upside down and the future we had planned has been snatched away. Your grief is also still very new and raw. This is a long and hard journey we have found ourselves on - all we can do is stumble on blindly and reach out to others when we are struggling.
One of my coping mechanisms is to have a Celebration of Life party for my daughter. My friends gather here and we remember her and release balloons, filled with love, into the evening sky. It helps to have friends around who can support and understand and I hope you have many of them. This is a time of talking - so talk till you cannot talk anymore, rememb your beautiful Angels and cry - because crying is also healing. Maybe you can do something special each year, plant a tree or just go lay flowers. It really does help to be doing something - even though it hurts like hell.
Are you seeing any counsillors or talking to anyone? - I don't know where abouts you are but the Compassionate Friends have groups all over and they are some of the most wonderful and understanding people I have known.
I'm so sorry to hear about your stroke and hope that you are feeling a lot better now. I have quite a few friends who have suffered the same but they are managing well now on meds. Watch your diet, take regular exercise and you should be fine. Concentrate on being well enough to watch your children grow and take some little comfort from knowing that your little Angels are together and free from any pain and suffering. You are obviously a very wonderful Father - don't feel bad for having a second chance at happiness.
Sending you blessings and healing light - our Angels will always watch over us
Gail

you are a stronger person than i am robert. i hope life lets you hold on to the rest as i am trying to do as well.we must cherrish what we have i think is the cruel little kid god must be to inflict death on any of our young! sorry bro!

I know it may not sound like much comfort - but try reading the book of Job in the Old Testament. I have found some solice there after the death of my own son. You had some hard choices to make and God has blessed you with new life in your new daughter. You will find that everyone here is willing to listen and offer support in many ways. Gail has some really powerful suggestions on coping. Some I have used. I also put together a scrap book of pictures of my son which helped. My prayers are with you. ~ Ann

((((( KATHERINE ))))) Thinking of you & your beautiful Irene!

Robert - just wanted to send you love, wish I had a coping skill for you- I am at a loss. Just know we all understand & care. Karen

((( HUGS ))) to everyone !!!!!

Katherine - remembering Irene today and always - my heart goes out to you my love. These are the days we shouldn't have to have.
Much love Gail xxxx

Help me remember Irene. go to www.virtualmemoral.com. Type in Irene Griffin. Let me know that you visited. thanks.

Katherine - took some doing but I found her Memorial page. The actual web site is http://www.virtual-memorials.com. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I hope everyone has a good day today i know we all hurt and suffer on a daily basis but today i'm askin god to carry our pain for us we all need a small break sometimes

To all our Fathers out there. This is hard weekend for you and I wanted to wish you a nice weekend. I'm sending hugs to you all and my prayers are with you. ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

My name is Rodney, I just joined the group. It's coming up on 21 months for us since we lost our son Chris. He had non Hodgkins Lymphoma. It's been a real struggle, but we are continueing on.

thought i would let everyone know how much i appreciate the thoughts and comments on the 25th it will be 2 years since i lost my little angels i plan to spend the day with my new daughter and hope they know that they are going to be there in my heart i am having a tough time already just knowing the day is coming i miss them so much it still feels like it just happened .well i hope god lays his hands on all of us and helps to carry this great burden on our hearts ((((((((((((((((hugs to everyone)))))))))))))))

karen can you explain to me how to pull pics from my e-mail to my site this would mean a greate deal to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rodney-as much as it is painful-I am glad you visited our site. We are here to help you in any way we can. Know that our prayers are with you and your family.

Thank you Ann. I look for support where ever I can find it, but it always comes back to being with Parents who know. We appreciate the prayers and please know that you are in our prayers.