mariylynn, I dont see why it couldnt be him, no your not losing you mind..

Nope Mayilyn it was Brandon!!  I believe it will all my heart!!!! That is what happens to me.  The last time I even looked around because I thought someone was there and talking to me.  Like you, I was having a bad time that day sitting outside on the porch and the woman said "Oh Melissa".  I even looked around to see if someone was there.  I have had 3 things happen on that porch.  The day of my husbands accident the screen door going into my house was locked open at the top, the next day I was talking with my mom and her friend I heard loud footsteps across the wood floor inside the house.  The door was open No one else heard it.  Just me. I e think Brandon was you to know he is with you and give you some peace.

i hear thm 2 iv hd my dad my nana/gran evn sm of othr fmly it has pst i try 2 tell famly but thy dnt bleve me i get tld its all in sde my hed i did  i evn sean thm in sprit still dnt bleve me iv sean thm clear as day

hi marylin iv alwayz dremt stuf sum of it cums true but sprits always sean thm um tms i sae thm at wong tms i do lk wakes it happend onse at awake it did 

iv beantld if im not crful by sm offamly ill be put away 4 life coz its al in my mnd it is but i no its not 

its lk ths pic i tk it lks lk a goast in sky it duze

i no i mt sond lk a krazy mad nut kase i do

The book is so good!  I'm going to pass it on.  I just joined a grief group on Tuesday and I feel like I belong there, although it was hard to hold back the tears the entire time.  My boyfriend gave me a message for his daughter's wedding-- a whole song for her!  I feel like it is unbelievable, but I know he did!

iv sean stuf so mny tms maryln i try 2 tell pelpl but thnk im a mad nut kase thy do least on hear i can telll peple wi out woryng abot bean put away 4 lif i do

it usd 2 happen wen i wz a kid i cud sea stuff but wen i woz a kid it woz ok i supose its wen i got oldr pepl cud hear me speakng 2 my slf t woz acsly som of t sprits i wz speakng 2 sum of thm i didn evn no

i no evry can by sykic 2 sum point if thr is no noiz thy seam2 speak 2 evry 1 thy do

i no abot lites bean tund oofff marylin i turn thm off befor i go 2 bed evn tv th s 1 gets up thng iv lft th tv on or lites on i no i hav not dun it

i say we mite hac a gost but all i get tld thrs no sush thng as goast i no thr is goasts

iv evn herd of drs bean scard of thm 

i bleve u abot stuff in t kitchn 2 marylin wen my dad woz aliv ths thngs cum flyng off kitchn bench lk onions stuff thy wear throw on t flor 

thnx marylin im 38 ill be 39 in nov i will be 

i dnt relize i wz a bit sycick till 1 or 2 pepel pont ot 2 me ths yr iv allwayz had sprit peak 2 me iv only had famly cum thru or petss of famly cum thru 

thy tryd 2 tell me abot my dads deth lst yr it wz gong 2 happpn but i dnt wont 2 lson imean no 1 wont sss 2 hear abot lovd 1s dyng thy dnt 

thy allwayz seam 2 cum thr at t wong tms thy do 

i no wen i fell ovr in feb i agrivt my frozen sholdr evn mr but i flt my dads d me i did evn my leg iv did a lot of tiue damge 2 my rht nea now t pain is actng up now

i get tld 2 loze wait by drs marylin thy say im obease but thy 1s it giv me sterids wen i get ths chest infesxins 

thy tell me 2 get flu shot but im not grt wit neadls i am not coz of a esprense i had my slf wen i got admit 2 hoptl thy say its lk getng blood ot of a stone on me  

i al wayz try 2 thn of othrs its way i woz brot up

mum dad had me lt in lf thy did im my dads only blood but i hav a hrf oldr sis hrf bro

i sm tms hav a sens abot peple 2 marylun i no sertn peple i meat thr som thng i cnt trust abot thm som tms im rht not alll t tm 

cats well my cats frm rescue senter she is evn if im in st i seam 2 get follord by cats or dogs i do i got tld thy no im a softie wen it cums to pets i am

ps

i dnt thnk u r a weid i thnk u r a very carng person it luvs yore kids u r 

i hrd it again 2 day 1 of my dads fav sings imangin by j lennon i did i no my dad lket ths slong he did it 1 woz of hs favrts it woz
he loved ths song he did he loved a lot of balled songs he did

Has anyone experienced this?  My daughter and I were sitting at kitchen table talking.  All of a sudden a light came crashing through the window. It reminds me of how tv shows, show the speed of light.  (like flash gordon) There was a noise with the light but I can't describe it.  I tried to play it off but my daughter said mom did you see that.  I was like ya.  I knew it was my husband.  I told my daughter but she is in denial that it could be him.

no but it hapend wn i woz on  xbox i switchet off but controls thng lit up on its own green lite on x prt i nevr evn tuched it

maby my dad wz playng 1 of his joks on me

i no he wzalwayz playn prnks on me mum or ayng fuuny thngs

it cud be yore hubsand melllisa it cud be

sisn my dad died 2 mny weid strnge thngs hav hapend

Hi everyone!  I'm sorry I haven't been on for a while.  I posted a message a couple of months ago admitting that I had not been on much due to severe depression and promising that I would get back on soon, and I meant it.  But, it did not turn out that way.  As I say the following, please be assured that I am not angry at my Mom or Dad who I took care of when they were sick and dying.  This is directed at my family and even my husband.  Not only did no one help me when I was taking care of my parents, but no one helped me with anything.  My family let my parent's house fall apart before I started taking care of them, so that I'm taking care of them while trying to keep up with all of the work to fix the house as well as mowing their acreage and taking care of my own house and yard with no one else doing anything.  Now that I am home, this is the first summer I was not a caregiver, and I have spent the whole summer putting the yard back together and making outdoor repairs, because my husband sat on his butt and watched it all fall apart.  And, I'd spent the winter putting the house back together, because my husband did nothing while I was gone,  When the dishes all got dirty, he started using paper plates and piling them all on top of the dirty dishes in the sink instead of throwing them in the garbage can.  We now have roaches even though we've NEVER had roaches.  Well, I'm like 80% done with all of this work, so I'm back on.  But, I was honestly so busy all summer and since I left that message a couple of months ago that I haven't been able to get on until now.

I'm writing tonight, because I had a dream last night that I want to talk about.  I had a dream the night after my Mom died in which she came to me wearing the dress she had worn when I took her to the hospital for the last time - a blue and white gingham dress - but in the dream it was clean instead of having vomit all over it.  She was laying on the blue couch we had as a kid.  And, her stomach had been very swollen before she died, and it was flat again.  She sat up on the couch and looked at me and said, "I'm feeling much better now" and then I woke up.

Every dream since then she has usually been walking around with me following her and begging her to go to the doctor and she is telling me she is not sick and I'm being very surprised that she is still alive even though the doctors told her she would die, and I'm trying to find reasons why she is still alive when the doctors said she would die.  This has been a recurring theme in every dream I've had since she died.  Usually, she is walking around, often there are other people around us, and I'm begging her to go to the doctor and she is telling me she is not sick and I'm surprised that she lived when the doctors said she wouldn't.  That has been most of the dreams.  In one dream she was working, and there were big machines that she was working with - big silver metal machines - but I'm not sure what she was doing.  It seemed to be a job.  But, it was the same thing of me begging her to go to the doctor, her telling me she doesn't need to, and me being surprised that she is still alive when the doctors said she wouldn't be.

Well, I had a similar dream last night.  Only in this dream she was in a very expensive apartment like a rich person would live in, which was interesting, because she lived in poverty all of her life.  It was her, but she was dressed very nicely and sitting on a couch.  I remember there were two mannequins for decorations that had gray and white striped tank tops on them with long pearls hanging from their necks - one was tall and one was shorter.  And, at one point someone came looking for us and I walked to the end of a counter that had doors open at the top of it and looked into a pristine chrome kitchen and said, "We're in here."  My mom was lounging back on a couch.  Everything was white and silver and pristine - the opposite of what she'd had in this life.  If she has such riches now, I'd be very happy for her, because she had so little in life.

Well, the thing about all of these dreams is that she and I were very very close, but she seems very aloof in these dreams.  She does not really connect with me but just answers my questions very blandly - in previous dreams telling me that she doesn't need to go to the doctor, becasue she is not sick.   In this dream, I was concerned for her diagnosis and asked her how she was feeling, and she answered that she was fine now that she gave up salmon.  I asked her if that was all she needed to do to feel better, and she said, "And bananas".  Up to that point, she seemed very distant - unlike anything we had in real life.

But, one thing that was different in this dream is that toward the end of the dream (maybe because I accepted that salmon and bananas was all that had made her sick), she got very warm and came over to the couch opposite her and was very warm like herself in life and said, "I have to go through those magazines I told you I'd go through" and she started to go through magazines at the end of the couch.  I like to draw - just for fun - and she used to save me calendars, so I could draw from the pictures.  Maybe that was the reason she was saving magazines for me.

Then, I woke up.  And, when I woke up, I literally felt like I'd been with her and when I woke up I had to realize she was not with me any more, and my grief was almost as fresh as the day I lost her, and I just started to cry.  I felt the loss so intensely.

I remember that happened one other time - she and I made plans in the dream to go shopping the next Saturday like we always did, and I woke up so excited that I was going to see her and we were going to go shopping.  Then, I realized she was gone and we weren't going to go shopping, and the grief was instantly back almost as bad as when I first lost her - and I started crying and crying.

But, in both of those cases it felt like I could feel her.  I miss her so much, and I don't feel alive most of the time any more.  But, when I get those brief moments where I feel her, I remember what it was like to feel alive before.  She was the main person who brought joy and meaning to my life, and now I just feel numb except for those few times when I wake up after these dreams and can feel her.  It is like we were soul mates or something and I'm not complete without her.

Thanks for listening.

 On the topic of dreams: I had a couple that were unlike any other dreams I'd had before or since my beloved Mom died on May 8th this year. The first one was in the days immediately following her passing. The dream was set in our old home, she was in her old bedroom. Only the room was engulfed in white light and I could only vaguely see the outline of her shoulders and face and nothing else. We were having a conversation I can't recall except that it was about how she died - I think she was telling me that I was wrong about what I thought happened. Incidentally, I did find out later that I was wrong. It was much too soon after losing her to be thinking about an afterlife or heaven; I was in shock with grief and as an agnostic with atheistic notions, I found it strange to be dreaming about that enveloping white light.

 The second dream occurred not long after the first. It was in the old house again. I was passing her room when I heard her call my name. This is significant for me because I have never heard my own name in my dreams ever before. No light this time although I didn't see her. I asked her "why?" and she told me she had to go because she wasn't loving herself. I personally never would have phrased it that way. I'd have said that she wasn't taking care of herself (this is not to imply she was responsible for her death, she wasn't). I was then drawn downstairs where I noticed a particular garment that I was wearing, the same that I was actually wearing when I went to bed -another thing that has never happened in my dreams before. Then I saw someone, a kid I knew from high school. His face....it was so vivid it seemed so real. I noted his clothing, a dark blue windbreaker and a blue hat with white lettering. I said to him "you can't be here; you died in a car accident" which is true. He had died only months after graduating in 2002. I hadn't thought about him in years and we weren't close or anything. I can't think of any reason why my mind would randomly conjure him of all people, especially those who I know who've passed on. I later checked his brother's facebook page and saw a photo of him wearing that same blue hat with white lettering - something I'd never seen him wearing in life as we never interacted socially and hats aren't allowed in school. That was it. Nothing else since.

Take that as you will. I don't know what to believe in anymore.

Dolly - thank you so much for your kind note.  I am just crying since I read it, but it is good tears.  It is so nice to have someone express kind words about me and express that I did good instead of demanding that I do more.  I really need to get off of here right now to digest what you said and cry my tears, but I will be back later today to talk more and to read Kristin's comment.  Thank you so much, Dolly.

i dream stuff 2 kristin i wz havg so mny dreams of my dad oth lovd 1s i strd my own grp u can join it if u wont 2 its thr 4 evry 1 it is

i crt ths pic by acsnt i did

Jo B - that picture is gorgeous!  I LOVE it!

Kristin - I don't know what to tell you that your dreams meant.  Did you have any ideas if they meant something?  Did you have a feeling of what they might mean?

I grew up in a very fundamentalist church, so I was always taught to believe in an afterlife.  I still believe in an afterlife, but I don't think it's anything like what we think it might be.  I think it's better, and I think it's good for everyone.  I don't think there is any punishment or anything like that like my church ground into us.  I've had a lot of after death experiences - many more with my dad than with my Mom - but I've had them.  They all hit me so deep.  The ones with my dad haven't really been dream though, they have been things happening in real life like the phone repeatedly ringing at the time he dies and the me hearing beautiful sounds like wind chimes.

I think your comment was directed at me Dolly?

I did question whether I should message his brother about the dream but I didn't want to risk upsetting them and sounding crazy. It's morbid to ask if he might've been wearing that hat and windbreaker on the night of his car accident, but I wonder. 

Storyas, I don't know if they really meant anything but they were so unlike my average dreams. Someone suggested that maybe the kid from high school was present to validate for me that the experience was real. It's hard for me to emphasize enough how vivid his face appeared. And when I told him that he had died in a car accident, I was struck by his complete lack of reaction like that was no big deal.

Actually Dolly, I think the amount of time that has passed is part of the problem. He died 11 years ago. Perhaps they have found peace or had experiences or dreams of their own even. Or maybe I'd just be opening old wounds for them. It's a touchy subject especially since he died so young. Plus he gave me no message of any kind to pass along so I'm not sure what I would say.

I'm curious - What about mediums? How do you feel about them?

i hav dreamt of othr loved 1s it has past yrs ago 2 kristin i thnk its thr way of sayng iv cum 2 sea u mk sure u hav not fogot me 

we hav had fotos fall off wall or cabnits wit out virbtrasion we hav

i no 1 nite a few mnth bk i cnt foget it it wz abot 2 or 3 in th morng we had thndr lifhg we did i thrt i saw jesus or god it th end of my bed 

but it wz bad thndr ligh wish carsd a lot of damgi 2 fone lines or treess stuff it did

wen u sea sum bird wen thy open thr wings thy look lk angels thy do ths man point ths out 2 me a few mnth ago 

now iv thrt abot it ever sisne i hav

Kristin,

I  had a encounter with my friends dad who passed 1 month before my husbands death on May 8, 2013. It took 1 week to tell my friend. Her family was open to it. My friends family wants to know if I have any more communication.  I know a lot of time has passed and maybe you were not asked to deliver a message like I was but I do think the family would feel some comfort. I think you should contact them.  I think he is wanting to let his family know he is okay. Give details, I am sure there are things that only certain people will know.  Provide the information and let them do with it what the will. I still have signs from my husband and am blessed. It brings me a lot of comfort. Kevin has even came back in a dream and told me "Now I now what you mean when you say you just know things." He laughed and said you are right. That is one thing my husband never said.  I was right.  The night before his accident I had a dream about being a single parent. I remember clearing saying why am I dreaming about this, we were in the best place in our relationship that we have ever been in. That morning something was telling me to give him a kiss before I left for work.  I never did.  The worst mistake of my life!  Little did I know hours later he would no longer be with me and I would be a single parent of 4 children. Like you I would love to meet with a medium.  How do you trust someone. Trust  your gut.

Dolly - your post made me think of some things.  I guess the universe knew my Mom was going to die before she died.  She kept having weird animal experiences that last year she was alive - they began right before she got diagnosed.  Deer would come up to the house and watch her through the window.  Some Native American lady who could not speak English came to her yard and was walking all around her yard picking herbs and my Mom was following her trying to talk to her.  And, all of these things left my Mom with such a special feeling that she just kept talking about them.  Oh, and I almost forgot the most important one - a turkey adopted her.  It was a wild turkey and would not let anyone else near it but my Mom.  It would knock on the door with it's beak every morning to get my Mom to come out and feed it and it would play ball with my Mom.  If my Mom threw the ball, the turkey would pick it up with it's beak (it was just enough out of air that the bird could get a little piece of it in it's beak) and bring it back to my Mom.  As I look back, I think the other side was engulfing her long before she went.  And, when she was dying, there was a double rainbow outside her hospital window for a long time - if I remember correctly like a couple of days it seemed like it was there off and on.  But, I can't talk about this any more, because it is making me cry.

Dolly - I will go on and tell about my Dad now and see how long I can talk about that before I start bawling like I just did telling about my Mom.  My Mom and Dad were two very different people.  My Mom was a very loving and warm person who was very down to earth, so I can see nature coming to her.  My dad on the other hand was very mechanical.  He had never even been able to go to school and could not even read, but there was not one thing he could not fix.  He could look at a broken engine or bicycle or something and just know how to fix it.  With him, I got all kinds of electronics stuff.  He called me on the phone and stuff like that.  No one believes me, but I know it is true.  And, like you, those messages stopped a few months after he died, and I miss them.  I'm hoping this just means he's gone on to some place that is really great.

Kristin - I don't know if all mediums are legitimate.  I guess those who want a fortune I'd be less likely to trust, because it shouldn't be about money.  But, I did go to one who saw me for free.  He was doing Reiki on me, and he bent over and whispered in my ear that my Dad was with me and told me some things my Dad had to tell me that no one could know other than me and my Dad.  And, then I asked him if my Dad was alright, and he said yes as he got the most shocked look on his face like he was shocked that anyone would even consider that someone on the other side would not be okay.

Well, that's some of my story about messages from my  Dad.

Kristin - maybe this young man was coming to you to tell you that since he has been on the other side longer that he is looking after your Mom and making sure she is okay.  That happened to me once when a nephew of mine passed away - my uncle passed away a few years later and came to me to let me know that he was looking after Nicholas (my nephew) for me on the other side.

Melissa D - I know how you feel.  I did not stay with my Dad the last night he was alive even though he wanted me to.  I have a really severe kind of hypoglycemia, and I needed to go take care of myself even though he was scared and wanted me to stay.  He died a couple of hours later.  That was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.  I know how hard it is to get over that.  I hope that one day we can both forgive ourselves, because my bet is they have already forgiven us a long time ago - like the minute they passed over most likely.

Jo B - I loved your post for many reasons.  One is that most people say they are coming to let us know they are alright, but maybe they are so alright that they don't even think that we will be worrying about that and they do just come back to make sure we don't forget them - but we could never forget them.  Also, I believe that Jesus was at the end of your bed - I saw Jesus like that once.  It was in a dangerous situation like you were in the storm - I grew up in a violent neighborhood and there was violence around me - and I looked up and saw Jesus and he just winked at me and disappeared and every cell in my body knew I was going to be alright.  That changed and impacted me for the rest of my life - I think I'm a more open and compassionate person after that than I was before that.  And, I love the way you describe birds wings as angel wings.  I never saw birds that way before.  I've never been much of a bird person - don't get me wrong, I love to look at them in the wild - but I've never been drawn to birds enough to have them for pets or anything like that.  I will look at them completely differently now.  That is such a beautiful way of seeing them.  Also, after my nephew Nicholas died - I had something fall off the wall.  I don't feel him any more, but I used to feel him around back then.  Well, I had this collection of ceramic cats that he used to love to play with.  I had them on top of a cabinet.  One day I was sitting at my computer typing a short story I was writing about him, and while I was writing that the cabinet fell off the wall.  I jumped up and ran in the kitchen.  The cabinet was on the floor and the cats that had been on it that he used to play with were all in a circle looking at each other they way they used to be when he would play with them, and not one of them was broken from the fall.  And, you know - I don't even know what happened to those cats now.  I think I boxed them up and mailed them to his mom after that.  I'm pretty sure that is what happened.  Also, I love your photography.  Like I've told you many times - my pictures usually look flat.  Your pictures are very good - not flat at all but very real looking.  I love your pictures.  Thank you for sharing the bird and ocean picture you shared.

I had just read the recent posts when I came across this picture on my Facebook page and wanted to share it with you.  I truly believe because since I lost my brother and my daddy within 8 weeks of each other, I have been comforted in many ways at different times.  It's usually from my brother.  I have 2 thoughts about why.  The first is because I didn't get to say good-bye to him.  He died from a seizure alone in his apartment.  I was with my daddy at the hospital when he had a seizure and went into a coma for 3 days before he died.  So, I was by his side.  The other is because my daddy was always more reserved.  

Oh, my uncle died 1 year and 1 weeks after my brother.  His daughter (my cousin) gets pennies from heaven.  Like she found one at his grave.  She's found them in places around her house which her daddy helped them build.  The pennies are always heads up.  

Dan had  a alarm on his cell phone to remind himself to call me when we were rarely apart.. in the last couple yrs before he died. it still goes off.. but I realized the other day that it doesnt go off every night. I think he is only letting it go off when he wants it too. I know hes around alot  he touched me the other night, I think..it was so nice. I miss him so much. the aniversary of his cod is oct 12..he died 4 months later.

Gramackie - thank you for the beautiful picture.  Your pennies from heaven story - that is another thing that happened right after my parents died.  I would find money all the time and find it in ways that I knew it was from them.  When it was pennies, I knew it was from my Mom, because my Mom always picked up a penny for good luck when she saw them laying on the ground.  And, when it was dollars, I knew it was from my Dad, because we had a flea market business together and once a week split the dollars up and he would roll up the change and save it for a rainy day.  Also, it was in weird places.  I can't tell you how many times I came back to my car to find a dollar laying right outside my car door so that I would see it as I got in the car - always in the same place.  I could not bring myself to spend it, so I put it in my glove compartment and around the time I stopped getting money like that and stopped having so many visits from them, the money disappeared.  My car wasn't broken into.  Nothing else was missing.  I didn't spend it.  It was just gone one day.  Now, I don't find money any more, and I don't get phone calls from my Dad any more either.  I guess they only stay in touch with us for a while, but i"m not sure why.  Other than the occasional dream, I don't have stuff like that happen so much any more like it did for a few months after they died.

Violet - I think it is him.  My dad used to call me on the phone all the time.  He doesn't call me so much any more.

Storyas - As time goes by, I have fewer signs, too.  Of course, every time I see a magnificent sunset I talk to my brother about it.  He used to go to the lake to watch the sunset and take pictures.  When he died, I changed his mailing address to my house because I took care of all of his business and didn't want to miss anything.  That was over 3 years ago.  A few months back, just before his birthday, I got an advertisement addressed to him.  It was for a jacket with an American eagle and flag on the back.  My bro. was extremely patriotic and loved the eagle.  We even have an eagle on his grave marker.  When I took the ad from my mailbox, I immediately thought he was letting me know he's still looking after me.   There are people who say it's a coincidence.  I say that they can't prove it's not from him, and thinking that it is gives me comfort.  

It very well may be from him, especially since three years have passed.  But, even if it is not, if it gives you comfort, why do people have to try to take it away from you with their differing opinion.  You aren't harming anyone, so why not live and let live.
You may think I'm nuts, but my Dad had a legal thing going on when he died.  I can't go into details on line, but let's just suffice to say that information on it came to me in a way that it could have been nothing other than him getting it to me (plus the fact that I felt a spiritual peae around me as it was brought into my reality).  I moved on it as I thought my Dad would have wanted me to, and then the next morning when I woke up there was an email in my inbox from the person that this legal information would have indicted - but the email was three years old when it had originally been sent but when it showed up in my email box that morning it had that morning's date on it.  I went back and looked in my email box and it was the same exact email I had seen from two years before, and I felt my Dad had somehow resent it to me - like he called me on the phone - to let me know that he had sent the information to me and that I had handled it the way he wanted me to.  Well, that is the best I can explain it as I can't tell the whole story, but if you knew the whole story you would not doubt me at all.

Can I ask a question that is not really related to After Death Experiences?  It's taking all I have to talk on this group right now, so I don't really think I can start talking on some of the other groups that I used to talk on just yet.  Do any of you have experiences where even a long time after the death you can't go to place you used to go to with your loved one any more.  Today, I was thinking I'd like to go to Popeyes Chicken and try the new Dip'n Chicken, but I can't bring myself to go to a Popeyes, because I used to always go there with my Dad.  And, there was an Indian Restaurant that me and my Mom used to go to, and I can't even walk in the door.  I start crying when I just drive past it.  And, there is a fish place that me and my Mom and Dad used to get carry out from and eat at their house, and I'll never be able to eat there again.  Every time I go near those places, I'm just completely flooded with memories of when I was there with my parents or one of my parents, and time doesn't seem real that I can remember that time when we used to be together and not go see them now.

I understand what you're feeling.  I became a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution last year.  They meet at a restaurant directly across the street from the apartment complex where my brother died.  Every month when I leave the meeting and get in the car, that awful night comes flooding back and the meltdown comes.  Neither my mother nor I can go to Red Lobster because it was one of Daddy's favorite's.  On the other hand every year on my brother's birthday his daughter & her family, Mom & I eat at his favorite restaurant and it's kind of comforting because he loved it.  Everywhere I go in my day-to-day activities there are constant reminders.  Some days it's okay.  Other days the sorrow hits me like a ton of bricks. I can't drive by the hospital where daddy died without tears.  It's been 3 years. 

me 2 sm plase i cnt set foot in i no p;ase i cnt go ths club my dad usd 2 go 2 we all usd 2 go drinkng in thr a lot of fmly it wnt twit us hav nealy all died

but 2 day i fnd smthng of my dads luvky i fnd it coz my sister wont to thro evry thng out of ths house out it wz a thng frm 1975 t2 1976 it wz 1 of my dads membrs crds a few fotos wish i cnt scan coz scaner is tk p a bit is

hospilt thng granmakie i cnt evn set foot in t plase coz its lft me so tramtised it has

i had 2 sea dr 2 day coz of infecsion t g it woz my own dr hes nong me sisne i woz 10 now im 38 almst 39 now its  gona tk longr 2 get betr im ok wi tht lons i dnt set foot in tht plase 

I can't go to certain grocery stores without breaking down and having to leave. My son had Crohn's Disease and I spent so much time shopping for things he could eat and cooking things that he liked and wouldn't hurt his stomach. I can barely shop and I have stopped cooking all together. Thank God for Trade Joe's and my husband!  Some places are just too painful. I think it's normal.

i lovd beach 2 dolly still 2 wen i wz a kid u cud not get me out of sea water or i alwayz had som krazy ,ad idea of digng a big hol 2 sea wear it got me i thnk i posted abot me on sea in my grp dreams i did but u cud nevr get me ot of water i lovd sea water 

but hsoptls im so tramtiszed by plase i cnt evn set foot in it i cnt evn vist peple in it i dnt if it mks me bad or wot im dreding if i evr get admited coz i no i wud panic coz i no wud snt thm e c g mashn mad i no wen i hav bean admit a few tms in pst iv alwayz had 2 hav e c g wear u get covrd in blu stickers or so on thn thngs thy stick in yore hnd i dnt lk coz thy nevr can fnd any viens on me

i hrd tht song on radio agin imangine by j lennon i thnk my dad is keapng in tuch by his fav song or sngs on radio he is

or his still playng pranks on us coz thngs dfispear thn trn u p ese wear 

even fotos fall tht dnt evn brake 

luv yore pics dolly i wud luv 2 be in sea but its 2 cold it momnt it is 

iv got 2 avod stuf wil im on thes meds for a wk coz my imune sistim is wk coz ths infecson i hav looly i saw a dr it crs on monday 

we can only dream dolly

it lest on hear we can shre pics 2 try 2 mk us smile again if tht is porsbel coz of losses we hav had

Thank you everyone for answering my question.  I honestly think that I will never be able to go in some of these places again.

Dolly - I am so sorry about your son.  I have a friend who has Crohn's Disease - I think that is what you said Brandon had, isn't it?  My friend is not nearly as bad as Brandon was yet, but she still has a lot of problems.  I just want to tell you what a great job you did taking care of him.  I know it's not easy to take care of someone whose digestive system is so compromised.  That can make it so much harder.  You really did a great job.  I do hope that one day you will be able to return to the beach and enjoy all of the soothing sounds and experiences it offers since you love it so much, but I can totally understand why you are not able to.  I hope all of these beautiful beach pictures that are posted by Jo B help you and make you a bit happy.  She really does take lovely pictures, so I am hoping they help you.  I think the post that hit me the hardest is the one where you just wrote - I'm sad.  When a person is grieving, they understand that so well.  I'm sad means so much more when you are grieving.  For me sometimes it means that the weight of all of the sadness is so great that there are probably a thousand ways I could describe it but all I have the energy for today is to say I'm sad and hope that some kind soul understands, because that is as far out as I can reach.  What I really need is for someone to reach back and grab on and pull me out of it a little if they can.  I'm not sure if that is how you feel, but that is how I feel when I say I'm sad.  Just know that I heard you, and I will pray for you.

Jo B - I love the pictures you posted thank you.  I hope going to the beach and taking those pictures helped you to feel better and did not make you miss you Dad too much.

Dolly and Jo B - I know how you both feel about the hospital.  I hate hospitals now.  So many medical providers don't care like they should - they are so robotic and the insurance companies (at least in the States) have them on such tight schedules that they just rush through.  I don't think many of them ever really see the people in front of them.  And, Jo B, I am so sorry for you, because I know that you had experiences with bad hospital staff like I did with my Dad - and those horrible experiences cling to a person like sludge.  You can't shake them off.  You are scarred for life when medical providers have treated someone you love so callously.

My Mom died right before Christmas, and she loved Christmas so much.  That breaks my heart.  I don't care if I ever celebrate it again, but it hurts to know that she will not when she loved it so much.  I hope they have something like Christmas that she loves on the other side.  So, I know how you feel about the holidays, Dolly.  I don't want to do them any more without my in-laws, but my husband's family insists on it no matter how I feel.  I don't know why I can't just forget Christmas and go volunteer in the soup kitchen that day and forget about Christmas without it becoming a big family feud.  I don't like the holidays any more if I can't share them with my Mom.

My Mom also liked to go out and eat and watch movies at home.  It breaks my heart that she can't do that any more.  And, it breaks my heart that my Dad can't go to the flea market any more - he loved that.

This place will soothe your soul. We just took a trip there - Vancouver Island. Amazing....

We took this photo from a water plane.

That is beautiful Connie.. so blue.. I think my friend's son is living there now..  we used to be houseparents at a shelter home back in the 80's and they were our substitutes once in awhile.. their son was a baby at the time, and we became friends.. now he's moved out west somewhere and I think it's Vancouver... is it in Washington or Canada?

i luv it conie i wish i wz in thr now swiming in it it looooks so relaxing it doze

i luv all thes sea pics we r postng on hear

dnt no ths man is he wz jst wrkng pst wen i snapt my camra

i tk ths 1 in sea lf sentr lst yr if glass had brok i wud of screamddd my slf silly