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Never wanted to be here
On September 19th I lost my partner of 11 years to a sudden massive heart attack. This coming October 30th we would have been married for 10 years. We have 4 children ages 9, 5, 3 and 18 months. I am barely getting a chance to deal with losing my husband as I take care of our children. We have also made a sudden cross country move as my health is not great and I can not take care of the children on my own at this time. The children and I moved from FL where the 3 youngest were born and we had lived for many years to MI where my parents are. I am so caught up in keeping things moving forward and trying to care for my own health that stopping to think about anything is rarely something I can do. However my mind is in such a fog I have trouble doing the easiest things.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on
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Kristina, I am sorry for the loss of your husband.
There are no words that can bring comfort or take away the pain. I can just tell you that I understand you, because I am on the same page you are. Nothing in the world ever prepares you for a tragedy like this one. How to find the strenght to move on and keep on living for the children, when deep inside, you just want to disappear!!.
In my experience, I am not the same person. My heart also died along with my husband. My hopes, dreams, all died. And I just dont know how I am still here?... Every day that goes by, I find myself needing my husband here with me a lot more. I see that my son is growing without his father, and it just breaks whatever is left of my heart... It aches!!
I can tell you that I am here if you want to write to me. I understand you.
Take care of you and your family.
Amanda
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Kristina,
I am truly sorry that you are here with us. It is not the path that anyone would choose. You must now deal with so much and I understand the foggy thought process and not being able to do what was once a simple task. All I can tell you is take your time. Don't rush though anything. Don't feel pressured to make any decisions because someone else feels that you need to. You should learn to say no and not feel badly about it. I know how busy you must be just keeping on top of all of the kids schedules, school work, etc. It is difficult to take time for yourself but you need to. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. People will give you their advance and tell you how they cope with things. You can take their advice, put it in your pocket and make your own decisions, when you feel the time is right. Put things aside to do later if you can't do it now. It will wait. Please ask for help if you need it. This is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of survival. You will make it through. Just be patient and take each day as they come.
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