There was this female neighboor, young in her mid 30"s. She has lived in the upstairs apartment for about 2 years. I have never been a social neighboor or talked to any of my neighboors, besides the good morning or good afternoon. She always seemed full of joy, happy and in love, with her 2 teenage children, and her husband. Remember, I had never actually met her or had an actual conversation, I did not even knew her name.

Yesterday, afternoon, she came knocking on my door. It was odd. She said "I want to talk to you". I said sure, come in. I figuere maybe there is an issue with the garage or something like that. (we park next to each other). Nothing like that at all. The following words that came out of her mouth, were shocking, and hard to describe the feeling. She said "I understand you, I was once there on your very own shoes". 16 years, ago, she was a widow herself, she too, lost her husband to murder. She too, had a 19 month old boy, (the same age my son, had when my husband was murdered). I know "all" that you are going through. 

It was amazing for me to tell her all of my feelings, and she understood me, she literally finished my toughts for me. We talked for hours. We both very much cryed out, mostly I did, but she was here to listen. Although, she re-married, there is not a day, until now that she does not remember her husband or misses him. She still cries at times, and has pain. She says, that what has kept her going for so long, was allowing herself to grieve, take time, day at a time, cry out all that you want, scream all that you want. You take your time. And dont allow other people to tell you how you should grieve or for how long. 

This just makes me realize, that there is hope for me. I can somehow make this through, but also realize that pain does not get any easier or ever, ever, goes away as years go by. There is just more obstacles to face, child gets older, more issues to deal with, without my husband.

I miss my husband so very much. And want to desperately want to be with him again. And really, hope I can learn to live and go on without him as time goes by, because as of now, I just cant let go, not just yet.