Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cynthia Horacek on July 8, 2011 at 9:30pm

Dear Julie-

I am so sorry you lost your mom this way, and also losing your dad.  How traumatic to come in and find your mom that way.  

You said you feel you should be "over it;" and this is something you don't get over easily, even when you "work the process."  By that I mean not pushing your feelings down, but allowing yourself to feel them, and cry and just let it out however you let stuff out.  I am a therapist and I specialize in trauma.  When my husband died, it was exactly one week after they did the bone marrow biopsy.  He had been diagnosed with rectal cancer in January 2010, and he died in November.  In October they told us it all looked good, and that the tumor didn't seem to be spreading or active in anyway; at the end of October he was bleeding and not clotting, and they couldn't keep his platelet count up, and he basically bled out.  But we didn't expect him to go so fast once we found out that it had spread. But I also think that once they did the biopsy in October, I knew what the results would be, even before the doctors knew.  I do understand your feeling of not being "over it;" I don't know if we ever get "over" the death of someone we love.  We get through it.  It's like a brick wall: there's no way over or under; we have to find the door and go through.  I am fortunate to have family, and good friends who support me, and a wonderful therapist who has been basically "holding my hand" for the past several months.  And I do keep playing those let few days with my husband over and over in my head; he died at home with hospice care and our family and close friends around him.  But like I said, this isn't something one get's "through."  I hope you can find a way to process your grief so you can go on with your life without so much pain.  I hope this site helps you; it has helped me by giving me a place to let it out.  Hang in there.  

Permalink Reply by Sue Waxman on July 24, 2011 at 8:35am

Dear Julie,

I lost my amazing mother June 7, 2011. I am alone too. I have sisters but they are not very nice people. I have made the choice to surround myself with goodness. My mother loved me and was VERY proud of me. That is all I need. My dad left us when we were kids, mom raised us alone. It was hard for her but she did it. One of the last things she said to me was "I am so sorry I put in through so much". That broke my heart. I cry a lot. I miss her. Spoke with her 3-4 times a day and we would go shopping every weekend. I'm 55 years old and completely alone here in Florida. It is daunting. I take one hour at a time. I am here for you anytime you need a "sister". You have friends here and support. Sue

Permalink Reply by Sue Waxman on July 24, 2011 at 8:36am

Yes...we do grieve as deeply as we love. How blessed we were to have the mothers and you such a GREAT father. I miss my mother every minute of every day. Sue