My first panic attack

Last night and this morning I spent crying uncontrollably. I miss my daughter so much and I feel this terrible emptiness without her. I couldn't go to work.  I was able to take a shower and get dressed around noon and run the errands I needed to run in order for me to be ready for my trip to San Jose tomorrow.  As the day progressed, I realized that I had a feeling of dread about my flight and I couldn't shake it. By around 5, I found myself curled up on my bed covering my face - my whole body felt shaky and stressed, and I felt like I couldn't escape.  It occurred to me that I might be having a panic attack and I called a friend and described what I was feeling, and she said it probably was.  I felt less insane knowing that that's what I was experiencing most likely, but the feeling hasn't left me.  I hope this subsides, because I have to be around people for te next 4 days and I need to function. Has anyone else experienced this in their grief?

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Permalink Reply by anna l. on January 18, 2012 at 11:23pm

Wendy, first let me say how sorry I am that your darling daughter is gone.  I had never had a full blown panic attack until my husband died and now they are a part of my daily life it seems.  I am talking to a therapist about the most problematic ones but so far talking is not helping them.  My daughter gets them and has described them to me before which I was thankful for when I had my first one I knew pretty quickly what it was.  Unlike you when mine hit the only thing I crave it openness.  I have to leave the house and walk.  Hard, fast and long, until I can breath and think again.  That is why I havent been able to think about working again because I know I cant just get up and speed walk up and down my street if Im working.  I hope you find what works for you to settle them down for you.  Hugs of understanding

 

Permalink Reply by Wendy on January 19, 2012 at 12:33pm

Thank you Anna.  I'm going to see a therapist today.  I haven't felt the need to until now. The panic attack was frightening.  I think the physical exercise you mention works. I'm going to do some yoga tonight as well. My daughter had them as well.  She was taking zoloft shortly before she died and it helped.

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