I don't know what to do to make this easier.; Help Please?

It will be one year on May 31st that my husband was brutally murdered at the prison he was at.  He was coming home in 2 years.  He was/is my best friend, lover, husband, soul mate.  When we met we felt like we had known each other since the beginning of time.  As each day grows closer to the 31st, I find myself more depressed and crying more.  I am isolating and just wanting to be alone at this time.  There is a beautiful park just down the street where I threw some of his ashes in the waterfall.  I stop at that bridge everyday and cry and kiss the flowers that I just picked and throw them onto the water fall.  I don't have childern so I am finding it hard to find a purpose to move on.  I know I must because that is what he would want me to do.  But how do I put the million pieces my heart has broken into back together again? How do I carry on without him.  He was the love of my life.  We were together 8 wonderful years and it just seems so unfair because he was so young.  40 years old.  All I seem to do is cry.  Does it ever stop?  will it go away with time?  I have never hurt so bad in all my life and I want it to go away.  Any helpful advice is more than welcomed.  Thanks for listening.  All my love Deborah

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Permalink Reply by Deborah Dodds on May 20, 2011 at 10:00pm
Hi Syl...I am making it through each day with waves of sadness and tears.  I talked to his mom, my friend, tonight and she is coming with me to the beautiful park down the street.  You see, There is a big waterfall there with a bridge that crosses it.  I threw some of Randy's ashes in the waterfall and everyday I go pick fresh flowers and throw them in the waterfall.  It's a ritual for me.  I kiss the flowers and say "I will always love you" and throw them in.  I am going to throw somemore of his ashes in on the 31st, the day he died and follow with flowers and let off a white balloon and watch it soar into the skies with a note attached.  His mom wants to come with me so It will just be the two of us.  She is hanging in there too.  She lost both of her sons.  one to suicide at 23 and Randy to murder at 40.  I don't know how she does it...I don't know how she carries on.  Having her there with me will help give me strength.  I do go to a local grief group.  They are very supportive.  It is every Wednesday evening.  Hey, I got that hug and needed it too.  Thanks Sylvia for your input and advice. hugs back to you, Deborah
Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on November 5, 2011 at 9:28am

I would like to be your friend.  I am so sorry you are suffering...  Are you still on this website?  I would like to share somethings you may find helpful.

 

Brenda

mawmaw1591@gmail.com

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