Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by roxydee on October 25, 2010 at 6:33pm

hugs. my sleep pattern is permanently tilted. i sleep only when exhausted which is around 7am. All i can say is tears are good. they are a fact of life. i never knew that you could weep and weep and still never feel that satisfaction. all the tears i cried before my husband's death, were not like grieving tears. but everytime one of those crying jags come on upon me, i am truly grateful because at least its not numbness. i feel like i'm breathing again. i'm not faking being well. i'm inside the grief and i'm inside of the grief then I'm moving through it. and i think to myself, that not only was my dear husband worthy of me missing, i am worthy enough to feel what i'm feeling no matter how uncomfortable it makes others feel, because with each tear i weep , i'm healing just a little bit more. i am gentle with myself and i give myself as much time as i need to grieve. it's the least i can do for my broken heart.

Permalink Reply by Ellen on October 25, 2010 at 10:43pm

Thank you so much for this heartfelt note and hugs. I look in the mirror and simply don't recognize the outer me. I only see through to my soul and the deep saddeness that weeps so loudly within. So this is grief? I thought my heart was bleeding with the loss of my husbands love and mine for him. Pardon me if I am not making much sense. Thanks for letting me post back.

Permalink Reply by roxydee on October 26, 2010 at 2:21am

no thank you for posting at all. i remember how i used to view weeping as falling apart. but you do make sense. losing someone so dear opens you wide open to see who you are. so much pain reveals so much. at times its hardest to let go of it . i hugged it close to me for so so long. i thought myself a burnt out husk because the fire of that grieving pain was so devastating. i was so used to putting bandaids over major wounds but in grief that approach isn't at all possible. you just feel. and when you can't feel anymore, you shut down and go numb. i mean that is how it was for me. and then one day numbness never returned. all i was is raw. raw exposed me. all i can say is i had to learn to be gentle. as gentle to myself as i would be as if i had rescued a baby bird who had fallen from her nest. one day i got out ...i said i need people . i ran to church . then i ran back into my cave. and some days i can be out of it and some days i can be amongst the english. but i'm rambling. i want you to thank you for your comments. it helps to know that i am not alone in grief. many blessings to you. thanks again for reaching out and revealing how your grief is working you. hugs