Hi. I'm new here. I'm looking for something - probably some understanding as I feel I'm all alone. In the last 16 months, I've been on a rollercoaster of grief. I lost my dad in January 2013, followed by my father-in-law last May 31, a priest friend June 16 (which was also Dad's birthday & Father's Day), another priest friend Oct. 3, a friend in January of this year and then my mother-in-law on April 29. Most of my loved ones died of cancer. I fluctuate between shock, catatonia, anger, moments of happiness and then right back again. I don't feel like doing anything, especially my job, which I'm considering quitting. I never know how each day will be for I am living very much by my emotions right now. Probably not a healthy state to be in, but this is what's happening. I wish I could just retreat so I could figure everything out, but that's an impossibility as I have a family to care for. Prior to my mother-in-law's death, I felt I was in a good place regarding my grief. Her death has ripped it all apart. I don't know what to do.  

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I am so happy you were able to meet with hospice. I did the same and like you, realized I was extremely depressed and needed additional help. I have been in therapy and meeting with a psychiatrist as well. Depression can be extremely debilitating and prevent you from moving forward. I am so happy that you recognize and are able to reach out for additional help. We are in charge of our health and well being and this is a huge step in putting yourself first and being kind to you. I know for a fact, had I not taken this step I would not be in a very good place right now. My fog finally began to clear about a month ago. I still have difficult moments and some days I feel a bit off, but I can function and am learning coping skills that are helping me live this new life I didn't choose for myself. Stay the course and I will continue keeping you in my prayers. Keep me posted and remember you are not walking this journey alone.

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