On September 28th, 2008 it began and I wonder if its over. I lost the woman who would have been my mother in law, she was one of the finest people I knew & always treated me like family. She died suddenly of a massive stroke or heart attack in her sleep, peacefully but leaving us all in shock and missing her so much.
Then on Oct 31st 2008, I was having a fun normal Halloween and just called to wish my sister a Happy Halloween and she sounded so strange & told me that someone was on their way. I didn't understand & had to drag out of her that my dad (not hers) may be dead. I called my grandmother & got my uncle who confirmed that he had been murdered by my 17 year old brother.
Then in April 2009 the man who would have been my father in law passed after being sick for sometime. It was expected but still very hard and painful.
In August 2009 my mother, the woman who adopted and raised me and loved me so much finally succumbed to the disease that had taken her away a long time ago, althzeimers. Those were alot of hard hitting tramatic losses. Then dealing with the trial of my brother. I thought maybe things finally had come to a place of some peace maybe. But I was so wrong.
On June 6th 2010 my life truly changed forever and I cannot recover. My fiance, the man I have been with for 6 years died in front of me with a massive heart attack. Here alone at home in bed. Just dies.
Since then I don't know where I am or what I am doing. I thought maybe I was coming to terms finally dealing with this maybe it was getting tolerable but its not. Not even a little. I feel like I am lost and abandoned. I don't know what to do or where to turn anymore. I believe in God, I have a church.
But nothing seems to help. I need help. I don't want to work or really leave home. I just want to stay here, stay in bed, just stay in & away.
If I died I really don't think anyone would know for days. Maybe weeks. Who knows?