We lost my mother in law May25, 2011...Nov 1 2011 my mom was diagnosed with stage IV appendicial cancer (WHO GETS APPENDIX CANCER? Sheesh), and it was a total nightmare for 22 months. Horrible, wishing for her to pass, which is also a horrible feeling. She passed Sept 14,2013. My father in law passed on our anniversary, April 11 2014, six months after my mom. 

I could ALMOST deal with these, almost.  I was so close to being able to deal. They are parents, and although we are only  in our 30's, they are meant to go first. So close...

then my older sister was diagnosed with breast cancer in May. It was early and she will survive, but it still shook me---none of us are safe and it's a CRAPSHOOT if you will find it early or too late. Dumb luck. Prayers can't stop any of it from  happening.

I was visiting her in June, they'd just moved, before her surgery, when the puppy we'd had for ONE STINKIN YEAR, the puppy we got to help heal our hearts, was hit and killed while I was away.

Start the free fall. my grief is in full swing. A 15 year old hung himself --HUNG HIMSELF--- near us.

Such a free fall. The world doesn't seem lovely, it seems like a cruel trick.  I just want TIME TO HEAL before anything else happens. Yet I don't feel like I can trust the world.. How to heal, how to prepare for the next onslaught? So tired. The holidays are coming. 

So tired.