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Missing my Son
My son Joe was killed on 10/19/12. He was on his way home from a friends house that morning and wrecked his truck. The police say he was speeding and closed it but my husband and I both do not believe he was speeding as where he had his accident is where the police sit and he knew this. We did not think to request an autopsy as I honestly thought it was an automatically done in Kentucky as it is in Ohio which is where I am from. About a week after we lost our son my husband told me that Joe had not been feeling well and he looked up the symptoms he was having and they were the signs of a heart attack. Heart trouble runs in my husbands family. I found out about the accident as I came upon it on my way to work. All I can remember is how badly the truck was and that some man just kept saying how sorry he was. Joe was our baby and our only son. My husband is an only child as well. I just do not understand how God can do this to me and my family. See I lost a brother when I was 17 and he was 15 to a drunk driver who hit him as he was crossing the street. I thought my heart would never heal after that and I now know that I will not live long enough for my heart to heal after losing my baby. My husband and I decided to only have two children as it was so hard on me and now we only have our daughter. Our son Joe was only 27 unmarried and had no children he lived at home and helped take care of his dad. He did things for us that we are no longer able to do. I am so angry at God for taking my baby and I feel guilty for being angry. The good thing is that my husband and I are helping each other through the grief. I am hoping that by joining this support group it will help me with some of my anger and help me to move forward with my life as I honestly do not care if I die tomorrow.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Bern on
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Hi Shirlee,
I am angry at God! No shame to say so. I help raise 3 children and birth 3. A total of 6 children. I raised my mother's children (my sister and Brother), A step-daugther, and My own children. I send my self to school to help make a life for all of these children. I would work for miminum wage and give it all up for my child. I did not do drug, party or drink. And this is how I received my blessing. WoW! God let another person took my child's life at the age of 20. I am at a point now that I do not want to be physical with my husband. I feel alone. He does not talk about it and I feel like I am alone. He advoids the subject. He comes home...watch tv and bed...I am falling apart myself.
Here is an online chat that is available 24/7,, It has help me to talk to other people that have loss love ones. http://groww.org/chat/gr.htm
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Permalink Reply by Marianne McCue on
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I'm so sorry for what has happened to your family. My heart is also broken. I only had 2 boys. Now I have only one alive boy(man). I never could emagain how a heart could break but mine did. I have my faith so I'm great full about that. Some one said to me" God never gives you more then you can handle" my response to that was "God did not do this,he is only there for me to lean on". I can only hope you find some pease. I'm still looking, but I need God to cry out to, not in anger but in grief. Again I'm so sorry. It SUCKS
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Marianne, thanks for your thoughts. At least you have one son left. I only had one...I hate the position God has deal us.....Yes, I heard it too; God don't put more on you than you can bear...No sure about that statement, cause I have seen a lot of people loss their minds...from the stress and the ability to face reality.
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Permalink Reply by Soleil's Momma on
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Hang in there please...Your wounds are still very fresh, I believe God tests thoughs he believes in. This may not make sense to others who have not endured this pain but I lost my daughter alittle over a year ago and I know what you're feeling. At times the pain is overwhelming, I still have my good moments and bad moments...when I first lost my daughter I joined a group and I remember how discouraging it was to hear other parents discuss the pain of their losses still strong years later. With many hours of therapy I have come to realize that the pain will NEVER go away...but please find peace in knowing your child is not gone forever :) no matter what faith or denomination you believe in, your child lives on in you and all the good deeds you continue to do. I'm muslim, in my faith we believe that sometimes our children continue to intercede on our behalf and that any good deeds we do we can ask God to accept them as good deeds from our children. I know my daughter was the best gift God ever granted me, I am fortunate and thankful for the almost 18 years I was able to spend with her. Giving birth to her and becoming a mother encouraged me to become a caring, loving person. PLEASE, allow yourself to see the beauty in life and live life the way your son would want you to. I'll leave you with one thought, imagine God allowed your son to 'see' you for one minute...what would you want your son to see and feel. Imagine he couldn't communicate with you but he could only feel your thoughts...what would you want him to feel? I have pondered this many times this last year, I would want my daughter to not feel guilty or sorrow--I'm sure she would already know how much I love her. I would want my daughter to know that she lives on in me, that she taught me to see the beauty in life and how one person with a positive attitude can make a difference in the lives of everyone she touches...what would your son want for you?
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