Losing friendships

After my son recently passed away, I read that it's common to lose friends and make new ones. I never would have expected that the person I had considered to be my best friend would be one that would choose to walk away from the friendship. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Jacobs on May 9, 2013 at 7:06pm

I don't know what happened but I imagine that would be awfully hard.  Was he in the service?  My heart goes out to you and your family. I wouldn't be able to comprehend it either. 

Permalink Reply by Michelle H on May 9, 2013 at 7:19pm

Bonnie, no, he was on an anniversary cruise with his wife. After dinner one night, he wasn't feeling well. Apparently he had a massive heart attack.

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Jacobs on May 9, 2013 at 7:26pm

That is terrible.  How sad.  How is his wife doing?  Are you close?  Gosh, I wish there was something I could do for you.

Permalink Reply by Ammy on May 8, 2013 at 5:03pm

Michelle, I am getting close to 3 years in this grief and I have to admit that my husband and I are were surprised at how distant some friends and even family became after our loss.  Maybe they don't know how to be or what to say around us.  I don't know.  My biggest let down was my friend of 34 years.  She came to the house one time and I never saw her or heard from her again.  It bothered me in the beginning, but as William said...we don't need friends like that anyway.

I don't hold any anger towards them.  I don't believe they do it intentionally.  They just don't get it and I understand that as I never got it before we lost our son.  We need to focus on our well being and holding anger is not healthy for us.

Focus on you and your family.  Do as you need and reach out if you need to.  Hugs.

Permalink Reply by Michelle H on May 8, 2013 at 5:13pm

Ammy, I'm not angry, just sad.

Permalink Reply by Bern on May 22, 2013 at 9:09am

Yes, I too feel like a plague. It is like,,don't talk to her, cause it could happen to them. They scared. Well, they don't realize I am scared too.

Permalink Reply by Michelle H on May 22, 2013 at 5:03pm

I'm so glad you and your friend were able to clear the air. Now maybe she can give herself permission to grieve the babies she lost. You can support one another. Unfortunately, that won't be the case in my situation. My "friend" said she couldn't handle the "demands" I put on our friendship when I expressed my hurt and disappointment about not being there for my son's funeral.

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Jacobs on May 22, 2013 at 6:41pm

Michellle, the same thing happened when my dad passed away. He had sooooo many friends but only a handful showed up. I am still angry about that and it has been 12 years.

Permalink Reply by Michelle H on May 22, 2013 at 7:44pm

kindallilik

Dina, thank you for sharing your experience with me. I'm sorry it has to be this way. However, I just chalk it up to being one of my life lessons: who are the people who stand by you when times are tough. Those are the ones you can truly call your friends. It's kinda like pulling weeds from a garden.

Dina, thank you for sharing your experience with me. I'm sorry it has to be this way. However, I just chalk it up to being one of my life lessons: who are the people who stand by you when times are tough. Those are the ones you can truly call your friends. It's kinkin

Permalink Reply by Michelle H on May 22, 2013 at 7:50pm

Dina, thank you for sharing your experience with me. I'm sorry it has to be this way. However, I just chalk it up to being one of my life lessons: who are the people who stand by you when times are tough. Those are the ones you can truly call your friends. It's kinda like pulling weeds from a garden. At first they may look pretty, but they soon show what they truly are.

Permalink Reply by Michelle on May 7, 2014 at 7:12pm
I've had the same problem... Had some great friends and when my daughter got I'll I could see that they were slowly fading away from me, they wouldn't answer any calls n if I texted if only get one word answers from them. They never texted me to see how I was and this went on and on for two and a half years, what upset me was id known them for years then all of a sudden it was like we were strangers I don't speak to any of my so called friends no more.. When my daughter passed away they still didn't get in touch and then all of a sudden they turned up out of the blue expecting things to be the same and going around saying things like "oh I've always been there for Michelle and she has been through a lot etc" so I got my back up and said hold on a min you haven't been there, you never answered your phone when I needed a friend you don't know what I've been through or how hard it was to have to do things only a nurse should do, have to teach your daughter how to walk again to put a tube up her nose to help her eat seeing her so fragile not able to do anything for herself so don't go around telling people you anything like that" I've still not speak to them I've deleted their numbers because all they do is think of them selfs when I bend over backwards for everyone all the time n they can't even send a text or a phone call to see how you are.. So to me it tells me that they wasn't really friends to start of with xx
Permalink Reply by Michelle H on May 7, 2014 at 7:37pm
Michelle, you're right. Those people we thought were friends really weren't. I'm sorry you've had to experience that, too.

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