First year anniversary

I lost my son Paul a year ago today. I don't even know how to feel. Mostly I feel numb. I think about the middle of the night call from my daughter that Paul was lost. Now I am lost. 

I spent a long time last night thinking what if. I was going to call Paul that day but didn't. What if I did call and some how he didn't end up going surfing. What if he is still alive somehow, hit his head and has amnesia and didn't drown. What if he got washed out to see and is living on a deserted island like Castaway.

This wasn't supposed to happen. I know all of you feel the same way I do. You are not supposed to have your child taken from you. You are supposed to watch them grow, live their lives, have children of their own and say good bye to you when you are old and ready to go. 

 

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david karpe posted a status
"I'm wondering if Myrna is well. Happy new year to Myrna and everybody."
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Many years ago, I lost my father after his battle with colon cancer that later spread to his bones. The grief stayed with me longer than I expected. Ambrosia Behavioral Health helped me work through that loss, understand my emotions, and find healthier ways to cope and move forward. https://www.ambrosiatc.comSee More
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"Professional help gives you a safe space to talk, understand your emotions, and learn healthy ways to cope. It can make grief feel less overwhelming and easier to manage over time. https://www.ambrosiatc.com"
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Karen R. replied to Entony's discussion Movies about grief that actually understand loss — any recommendations?
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