We will all die. That is what we all have in common.

My son was killed alone in a motorcycle accident. There are so many unanswered questions that consume me. He might have been shot, maybe thrown from his bike, run over by??? He died of blunt trauma to his head yet had no wounds and no facial trauma. He had a heart attack as he died. It's hard for me to wrap my head around all of this. He was very healthy, didn't eat meat or drink beer or caffeine or smoke or do drugs. He was wearing a helmet. So what happened that night? The police did not have a clue and called in multiple investigators. They wanted to blame alcohol, due to the time of night that it happened at, and not investigate at all. The hospital waited almost 3 hours before contacting me and missed out on the chance to harvest his very healthy organs. My poor daughter lives with the thought that she caused his death because he was at her house until nearly 3 am playing games and chatting with her and her roommates. No amount of comfort has yet relieved her pain.

Throughout this trial, I have never blamed God. In fact I thanked him for not leaving my son as a paraplegic or in a coma. My son was into every sport imaginable and that would have been unbearable to watch him suffer.

Our lives are lived by choice..it's known in the Bible as freewill. My son lived a big life and was extremely popular. He lived a happy, carefree life. He was honest, loyal, loving, happy, and the kind of guy everyone wanted to be and be around. I do not know the reason for his death or why the Lord took him, but I do know that are lives are predetermined by the Lord. Jeff (my son) death will result in glory to God and have a major effect on those that loved him. If I could bring him back, I would not. I always gave my son everything and all of myself for him and I would not deny him forever peace and happiness just because I missed him.

I was granted a very special privilege by the Lord the night my son died. I was asleep and looking into heaven searching for my son. I looked to see if he was with his friend who had died 6 months earlier, I looked to see if he was with my father, I even looked to see if he was with John Lennon. Suddenly my son came up to my and said, " I was wrong mom" (about the existence of heaven. He had been living his adult life as an atheist, but he had believed in the Lord and feared him growing up). The strange thing was that he was with his father/ my ex-husband. I was so shocked that I was speechless and didn't say anything in return. I never thought to look for him as we were divorced when the children were young and he had no relationship with our children. My ex looked at me in sympathy and my son was so happy as he ran away looking like he did when he went out to the baseball field. It still gives me comfort to know for sure that he is in heaven. I never had to wonder or hope. Also, I know this was no dream because I can recall it and satan would never allow a dream into heaven especially where comfort was the end result.

I believe and have faith in the Lord. I do know that there is only one path in life and you're either with God or with satan. There is no middle ground. I don't understand how unbelievers get through life without hope, comfort and the promise of Jesus. My son's death is difficult. I miss him terribly and cry daily, but I can't imagine going through this alone...without the love of my Lord and his strength and power- I would be a basket case. And one day, I will see my child again. I hope and pray for the same for each of you.