How do I manage my anger? On top of all the grief I feel I'm so angry with my son.

He died while surfing. He didn't have to. He chose to go to a new place with someone that was a friend but he had never surfed with before. The place he went to is known for it's dangerous surfing condintions so not a lot of people go there. 

He tried to paddle out and the undertow pulled him away from the beach and to where it was very rocky,he went under 2 times and had the chance to get out but didn't he chose to go in a 3rd time. the next time he was seen he was floating face down.His friend tried to get over to him but was to far away and by the time he got there Paul was gone. Why did Paul risk and then lose his life. He has a son that needs him, I need him and so does his dad, and sisters and brothers. His choices have forever changed our lives. WHY WHY WHY did he do this to us? 

The other anger I feel is toward the man who was on the beach and saw him face down and didn't try and save him He didn't want to go in after him he told me "the ocean was angry that day and I wasn't going in" He was a local man and surfed the area all his life. Why didn't my son get heroics that you hear about so often. There is always news stories about people risking their life for a stranger. why not for my son?

These questions never leave me, I think about it all the time and can't seem to get past it.

I haven't discussed this with anyone, I'm so glad that I can come here. 

I'm afraid someone would judge me for my anger.

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Replies to This Discussion

bless you cindy, i too have anger issues. I have lost my mother to murder. in 1989 i think I have been angry since than. I have lost two sons in less than two years. I feel like god is mad at me.  my oldest son bill was 32. He had alcohol issues and he rode his bike all over,  got hit by a guy driving a pick up with out lights he got nothing made it look as it was bill fault no lites on the bike but i want to know is why it is ok for one but not the other.  i am beyond anger on that issue. mothers day last year my youngest was killed working in a state park. 20 year old kid high on meth slammed into a endloader killing my son and injurying two others. Like you mine had made his own choices.  He had gotten a ticket for driving on a revoked.  he could have paid the fine and have it be over.  Instead he chose 240 hours of community instead. he was half way through it and he really liked it.  He had a baby and he was18 months old. I kind oflive in a state of anger and tears. I wonder how people act like everything is OK and its not. I went on a cleaning spree to work off some of the anger.  Its hard to focus at times.  I am very thankful to have others that feel what I feel.  I hate the shoes i am in. god bless

 

I'm angry too.  My son died August 17th.  He had been ill with a bad bacterial pneumonia.  He had several surgeries to save his life. Then he was released to his primary doctor who gave him an excessive amount of morphine.  His lungs were still in trouble from the pneumonia.  

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