Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Valentina Jolley on March 14, 2017 at 5:32pm

Thank you Anne. I'm sorry for your loss too...
I'm glad I found this site. A place where I can talk about my grief without being judged.

Permalink Reply by Angela renteria on March 13, 2017 at 12:50pm

Valentina , I am sorry to hear of the passing of your husband. It's very inconsiderate for people to say something like that. I have been told the same but I have no intention of "finding someone else" . This is a wonderful site that you can express your feelings without judgment and at least everyone on here knows how it feels to loose someone you love so much. Take care.

Permalink Reply by Valentina Jolley on March 14, 2017 at 5:41pm

Angela, I'm sorry for your loss too...
I'm the same, I have no intention of finding someone else that's why it hurts when people say about "new love". They have no idea about how we feel yet they think they know.
I'm so glad to find this site where I can express my feelings, my grief without being judged... Take care.

Permalink Reply by Elynn m on March 13, 2017 at 1:25pm

Valentina,  so sorry to hear of your sudden loss.   I think you will find this site helpful.   I have been helped by the wisdom of many people on this site.

Permalink Reply by Valentina Jolley on March 14, 2017 at 6:07pm

Thank you Elynn... I'm sorry for your loss too...
I'm glad I found this site because I can express my feelings, my grief, without being judged.

Permalink Reply by Louise on March 14, 2017 at 1:02pm

Valentina, I'm so sorry your husband died and you are in so much pain, I don't understand why these things happen. I just had to write because I've had thoughtless people say similar to things to me and it makes me so angry. I lost my husband 2 weeks before his 33rd birthday, we were planning to have a baby this year/next. I thought (hoped) I might have actually been pregnant for a few months after he died. I kept doing tests and got obsessed with it, reading information on the net about false negatives which gave me false hope. I would give anything to have his child, it absolutely kills me that he died and I will never get the chance to carry his child and be a part of the family we had planned. I feel robbed. People have said "you can still have a baby, you're still young, you can meet someone else" and everytime I hear it, it hurts me, it feels dismissive of my loss and the love we had for each other, like they think I can replace my husband just like that, and I feel it underlines just how little they actually understand. I don't want some random baby, I want his baby. I don't want someone else, I want my husband. I want my life back and the future I planned for not this grey, empty, lonely wasteland I've been thrust kicking and screaming into against my will. I don't really know what else to say, just wanted you to know you're not alone {{{hugs}}} xxx

Permalink Reply by Valentina Jolley on March 14, 2017 at 6:08pm

Louise, I'm sorry for your loss...
Your comment brought tears to my eyes because what you feel is exactly how I feel. I want my husband, his baby; not someone else.
It's easy for people to say things like that because they have no idea (but they think they know) how we feel when someone we really love, our world, being taken from us.
I feel all alone before I found this site especially after good friends are back to their routine and facing their own problems. I feel selfish if I keep on moaning about how I'm feeling. I spend my days mostly in our room, accompany by silent tears...
Thank you for your comment, Louise. Take care xxx

Permalink Reply by Louise on March 14, 2017 at 6:59pm

Valentina, you are so welcome, I think we are at similar places. All of my friends are back to their routines, it feels like I am stuck, and yes, you do start to feel like you are moaning and people don't really want to hear it. Its good to have this place where we can come and vent and try to support each other. All my love xxx

Permalink Reply by Natasha on June 7, 2017 at 3:50pm

I have been reading your posts and I understand the pain of losing your better half.

I lost my husband 6 years ago. He was my world, my everything.

we have a son. I love him to pieces. No one can't touch one hair of his head, I love him so much...

But often I have wished, I would have been free to reconstruct my life from scratch. Put all those good and bad memories in a box and hide it under my bed to restart a new life.

I love him but he is a walking memory of my lost husband. he looks so much like him, smile and laugh the same way. when he is asking questions about his dad, it is like a knife stabbing my body.

And you can not even gasp the pain that you feel as a mum when your son is full of sorrow because he is missing his dad, how you get angry against life for this never ending pain that yourself and your child have to go through.

No girls! I must disagree with you and let you know :

You have been lucky to have the freedom to rebuild fully your life. the scar will remind for ever, there is no doubt that your lost changed you for ever, but you have the change to freely move on.

Please embrace this chance for all the women that did have it and have to fight everyday for their kids on their own.

All my love,

N 

Permalink Reply by Natasha on June 7, 2017 at 3:47pm

I have been reading your posts and I understand the pain of losing your better half.

I lost my husband 6 years ago. He was my world, my everything.

we have a son. I love him to pieces. No one can't touch one hair of his head, I love him so much...

But often I have wished, I would have been free to reconstruct my life from scratch. Put all those good and bad memories in a box and hide it under my bed to restart a new life.

I love him but he is a walking memory of my lost husband. he looks so much like him, smile and laugh the same way. when he is asking questions about his dad, it is like a knife stabbing my body.

And you can not even gasp the pain that you feel as a mum when your son is full of sorrow because he is missing his dad, how you get angry against life for this never ending pain that yourself and your child have to go through.

No girls! I must disagree with you and let you know :

You have been lucky to have the freedom to rebuild fully your life. the scar will remind for ever, there is no doubt that your lost changed you for ever, but you have the change to freely move on.

Please embrace this chance for all the women that did have it and have to fight everyday for their kids on their own.

All my love,

N