Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on September 30, 2016 at 8:17pm

Barbara,  Believe me, I understand.  You have not said one word I have not thought of or said to myself.  My oldest child is 56 and I can remember every detail of our  journey through pregnancies, childbirth etc.  My husband said I was never lovelier. I see older couples and I want to tell them to love and cherish each other every second.  I want my husband.  I want him to walk through the front door.  The other night I sat in his chair holding the receptacle with his ashes.  I wanted him to take me to be with him, I was willing him to come for me.  The phone rang and it was my cousin.  Another widow who called me daily for three months after John died.  She willed me to live then and there she was on the phone.  She says God has left me here for a reason.  I may not know what it is but, it is something.  Know this, you are not alone.  It's been nine months since John died.  I'm still here for some reason.  You are here for a reason too.  l wish we could all talk.  It's good.  I cry daily but at least not all day as I used too.  God please help us all.

Permalink Reply by Maxey on September 30, 2016 at 10:34pm

Thank you for your reply. A number of times I have done the same thing with my husband's ashes. I do think that we are here because God is the one who decides when we die, not us.
As for a reason for being here, I am afraid I cannot find one. I have tried to get involved and even have gone back to teaching to find some meaning in life. I am 76, and I do not want to have a reason any more; I just want this constant pain and aching to go away. Living like this is not healthy and it is not merciful. Sometimes, I can actually feel the ache in my body; the ache of wanting and missing my love. I have no one to hold me, listen to me, talk with me, laugh with me, and no one that I can show love. If there is a reason, it seems to be one where we have to endure pain as a sacrifice for loving someone so much.
I cannot think of anything else. I do hope you find a reason; no one deserves to live like this.

Permalink Reply by Jessie on October 1, 2016 at 11:16am

Thank you ladies for your sharing this is my first time I lost my husband 1 month ago today. My daughter  and I picked up his ashes yesterday Friday the hardest day of the week. The day I got the call and it was our favorite evening to decompress together after a long week. Your thoughts of beingetting angry or sad at seeing other couples helps me I thought I was being crazy. I still feel numb to a lot of things but reality is setting in and I feel so stuck in my sadness. I am off work until November 1 and people keep telling me it will get easier when I am back to normal WHAT THE HECK Is NORMAL.

Permalink Reply by Ruthie on October 3, 2016 at 11:28am

Jessie, Bless your heart, how old is your daughter? I was off work three months and then went back part time for two months--so take as much time off that you need. Ruthie

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on October 1, 2016 at 5:11pm

To Barbara and Jessie.  I am your age Barbara.  John died two days after Christmas, then there was New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, Valentines Day, Father's Day, his birthday and our anniversary.  All within such a short time.  I could not get a grip on anything.  It's  not getting easier.  It's getting lonelier.  I am in a grief group and we all think the same crazy things.  They have been good for me but still, I just want to sit in HIS chair and do nothing.  I get mad that he left me..normal..as you said Jessie, what is normal?  I don't know that I will ever take him to be scattered in Mt. as he wished.  I can't part with him and NO, I don't have him on the mantel.  He is MY husband, not to share with anyone, even my children.  Maybe when I die our son will take us to Montana together.  I miss his voice, the smell of the back of his neck, I miss everything about him.  Unless someone has been through this they do not understand as we do.  I know John would want me to be my OLD self but I can't.  I pretend, and people don't know how destroyed I am.  People don't want to know.  It's good just to share these thoughts with you.  I know we will go on but we will never get OVER this loss.  I want him and that's all there is too it.   Thanks for letting me rattle on.