Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on October 12, 2016 at 12:54am

Barbara,  You are me.  My husband of 56 years died two days after Christmas.  I have tried everything.  Groups, hobbies etc.  I would give the world to even dream about him.  If I dream, I don't remember them.  I want to hear his voice, smell his scent.  SEE HIM.  He was my life.    My family doesn't want to talk about him, "it's too painful."  As if it were not painful for me.  I honestly believe he will walk right through the front door but...I know it is not going to happen,  I love him now, I always will.  Oleta

Permalink Reply by Maxey on October 15, 2016 at 2:27pm

Thanks for your reply. I am having a very bad day today since the one year mark is coming closer and closer - next Friday, Oct. 21st. I used to love the fall, but now it seems like the very saddest of times for me. I keep looking for something to spark a reason for me to be happy or just "not sad or lonely", but nothing seems to do it.
I, too, wonder why I cannot dream of my husband; I keep hoping it will happen. I hear stories all the time of wives getting "signs" from their husbands. I know that if my husband could,he would send me something too. Although, there have been times when I seriously considered ending it all, and something stops me. I think he is sending the message that this is not the way to go. So now, I just keep asking God to please do it for me, maybe soon he will grant me my wish. I have lived long enough, and now I am ready to be at peace.

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on October 12, 2016 at 6:54am

Anne, You said it all.  You put all that I (we) have been feeling and why, into a few paragraphs. WE are to blame.  WE shouldn't have loved so much.  WE should get on with our lives as it this wonderful person meant close to nothing to us......after all we wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable.  Crying while speaking of my husband, her father, my daughter told me to "snap out of it,  you've had enough time, it's been three weeks."  Her father was dead three weeks and I was making the huge mistake of still grieving.  Did I raise this person?  Her time will come and thank God I will be gone by then.  Otherwise, I would gloat...yes I would.  I am bitter.  I will probably stay bitter for quite some time.    Venting is good isn't it.  Oleta

Permalink Reply by CJ Moore on October 12, 2016 at 9:00am

I had my husband in my life for 'only' 21 years, married for 18. It is (unbelievably) coming up on the one year mark. We have a very active son that just turned 17 last month so I am somewhat forced to be in the world. I will be forever grateful to my husband for providing us with the love and support I never thought I would have - I was 37 when we married. Like all marriages, we weren't without our faults but we (the three of us) were a little family unit. I still attend my bereavement support group, although our group meets more casually as friends now. I attend a training class through unemployment. I show up to doctor/dentist appointments for me and our son. I will get another job some day, I am sure. All while doing this, I feel like many of you - I am going through the motions because I have to. I talk about my husband all the time and always will and I don't care who cannot handle it, except our son of course. Once in awhile he will say 'Ok Mom, enough' but we do talk about him every day. I am learning that people grieve differently and it doesn't mean that they loved their spouse any more or less. My life is different and I do not like it. I don't care if people think I should 'move on' or 'get over it'. Nope, I don't. When I start caring about what other people think, I remember one of my husband's favorite quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt 'You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.'

Permalink Reply by Elynn m on October 12, 2016 at 11:01pm

Barbara,   I feel that way often.  I lost my husband of 41 years 13 months ago.   I do feel lonely, and wish the Lord would take me home.    I kept busy for the first year, but now I am realizing that I really do miss him.   Life does become lonely when we lose the love of our life.  Friends seem to disapoear.  - It's just that they have their own lives.   And they think that i do not want to talk about it (that's only because they are afraid of hurting me).Yes, they want me to move on, but it sure is lonely trying to move on alone!   That's one reason I joined this group.   I am free to talk openly.

     Will be praying for you

Permalink Reply by SHIRLEY ANNE RAE on October 13, 2016 at 1:08am

I can fully  understand how you feel.  Lost my husband 7 weeks ago.  He had a massive heart attack at N1 City hospital.  Just wish we could have had a longer time together.  Thought time heals but can see with you it does not.  Dont know you but praying for you.  Shirley