Hi 

My husband passed away April 30. It hasn't been 2 months and my mother is expecting me to go to family events put on a happy face and go about life and when I try to explain the anguish I'm feeling she tells me she understands because she lost my father. That's been 40 years ago and she knew he was dying. I know she felt the loss but she had 3 months to get everything together. Wade and I had a wonderful sat. Celebrated our granddaughters

4 birthday got to see the others. Just a good time. We enjoyed the evening and when I got up he was dead or wasn't breathing. I got ambulance report and they gave him meds and ventilated him. But I don't know everything, waiting on e.r. chart. I am just miserable and my daughter and son in law have been living in the downstairs apartment, they are moving July 14th. It will be strange living alone for 25 years I've been with him, then I daughter born year after we married. It's going to be me and dog in this big ole house. I have several options but have been told not to make big decisions for a year.

Being bipolar that my be hard when I hit a manic episode. I've had to run many errands and it stresses me because Wade did everything. If I did 2 errands a week it was a busy week. I've never had anyone take such care of me and love me unconditionally.

I had 5 surgeries in 5 years and recently 2 stays in ICU on a ventilator close together. I was supposed to go first. I don't know if I've found all of his papers, it took 3 weeks and an

IT guy to get me were I could use it, all Bill pay on computer and I didn't know what was paid or who needed to be. This seems like a nightmare that I can't wake from.

I don't want to live a life with out him plus I don't know how.

Sorry so long