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Permalink Reply by Johanna on July 27, 2016 at 4:14am

Hallo Denise. first i am going to say i am sorry for you loss. Then i am going to tell you that it is hard to raise two children on your own, i can hear you anger and fustration. I have notice that you say two adult children.If they go to college then i am sure they are able to see what you are going through. You have the right attitude towards helping them.But at their age it becomes a two way street were they can be supportive of you also. I have found that work keeps my mind occupied so that i do not feel the missing so much. No it is not fair that you are left with the mess, but you are not alone. All the people in this group have lost someone... You are mad because you was not able to help him, honey it was not in you hands even if you were a physician. You have said it yourself he did not listen and even if he did and was as healthy as can be, it was his time to go. So it is okay to get angry , sit down like you did with this post and wright him a letter tell him how angry you are ,how you miss him every thing that you wanted to say. Then take the letter go to you private spot if you have one and burn it. You said what you wanted to say ,you have let go of your anger but most important" let yourself of the hook" okay. The only thing that i know for sure is that you are allowed to do something for yourself. Meaning is there maybe something that you always wanted to do, like swimming, movies, painting. I can tell you from experience that moving away makes it harder, you have to meet new people and they do not understand what you are going through. Please do not give up. You will get through thiss

Permalink Reply by CJ Moore on July 27, 2016 at 10:54am

Dear Denise. I am so sorry for your loss. My husband Ed died 8 months ago and I am only now getting relief from the overwhelming anger I felt - although it still rears it ugly head at such unexpected times. We have one son and he is 16. In the first few days after Ed died, I had the appearance of a candidate for 'Mother of the Year'. I was so supportive and all together. I guess I was in shock, even though Ed had cancer for 10 years. Shortly after the shock wore off, I became someone I barely recognized. I am embarrassed to say that I was one huge ball of anger and that anger was focused mainly on my son :( Needless to say, he wasn't all that thrilled with me either which led to some pretty nasty fights. Most of my anger was knowing that he needed me. I wanted to just scream 'WTF??!' Get out of my face. Why should you be my responsibility?' I never said those things to him, but that is how I felt :( I even said at my bereavement support group 'I did everything right in life. I followed the rules. I was a good person. And this is what I am left with?' College age can be the most trying of times. I know when I was that age, I was angry at my mother all the time 'just because'. And thankfully, I wasn't dealing with such a significant loss of a parent. I know each person has their own journey, but I think anger is a natural response. I know it has helped me to talk about everything at my group, it has been such a blessing to me. Thank you for your honesty because it helps me to know I are not alone.