Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by pamela winmill on July 11, 2016 at 7:45am

It's been 100 days today and I don't know how many more I can get through having a really bad day !

Permalink Reply by Denise on July 15, 2016 at 4:16am

Pamela, let me say that I am sorry for your loss and the person who left you in tears is an idiot. I have re-read your post a number of times and had to temper my anger before I responded. Your grief process is customized for your personality, temperament and need. No one is ever allowed to dictate how you are to feel, what actions you should take or where you should be in the process. It is that word "should" which others see as their license to dictate the actions of others. You are where you are and that is that. Some days are better than others and only people who have lost a spouse can understand how one minute you can be okay and the next you need to run and cry in a corner. My husband died 6/19/2016 so I understand how it is to be at the beginning of this different life. Please understand that there will be some people who were acquaintances who will no longer remain in your life because of their callous attitudes but there will also be people who will surprise you with their compassion. The latter are the keepers and they will be your source of comfort.

Permalink Reply by pamela winmill on July 15, 2016 at 7:33am

Thank you, I am truly Sorry you are suffering the same as me it does appear that only the people who have lost a husband/wife really knows the pain you go through on a daily basis, and the morons you have to contend with .  please stay in touch x

Permalink Reply by Copper "Charlie" on July 22, 2016 at 10:57pm

I'm so sorry about your husband.  People seem to think the thing to say is "your husband would want you to be happy" or "your wife would want you to move on" or "Your spouse would want you to do 'this' or 'that'".  I look at them and say, "No.  My husband knew me better than anyone.  So my husband would know that I need time...that he was my life...that all I would want would to be with him.  My husband would give me the time I need."  Not many people have a comeback to that.  We all will grieve in our own time and our time is never someone else's time. Anyone who says different, has never had their soulmate die.  It's coming up on a year for me on August 13th of this year.  And I still cry almost every day.  You hold on, you've got people here who understand!!  Big Hugz!!

Permalink Reply by pamela winmill on July 23, 2016 at 5:57am

Thank you hugs back, xxx

Permalink Reply by pamela winmill on August 10, 2016 at 9:13am

Having a really bad day today don't know how many more I can take

Permalink Reply by Mary on August 30, 2016 at 2:24am

Copper Charlie
What you said was spot on. Only I know what my husband would want. Only he knew the real me and he would understand how hard it would be without him. It's only been 4 months and he died suddenly and unexpectedly. I am still in shock some days. I pray for strength that one day I will feel happiness in my life at least for my kids. Right now I'm just barely functioning more like floating. My husband knows how much I would miss him need him as I believe he would feel the same for me.

Permalink Reply by Patricia HELEN on August 9, 2016 at 9:08pm

 i lost my husband on June 29th to anaplastic thyroid cancer which went very fast. He was diagnosed in March and died three months later. Every day and every hour the heartache is there - it is literally a deep pain that no one can understand unless they can truly feel it with their own loss. Like many others here he was the love of my life  - we always thought may be I would go first since I am older.

 Already people are saying you should get out and live life again since that he is what he would want...Some one told me today I should get a boyfriend. Like Pamela I think that that these kinds of comments are insensitive but people who say them have absolutely no idea of the intense pain that comes with this kind of loss as well as the loneliness. I think we just have to stumble along as best we can...

Permalink Reply by Ruthie on September 7, 2016 at 8:59am

I do not think anyone knows what H_LL it is like until they go through it and only if they Love that person as much as you did your husband.  This is worse than any physical pain.  I am glad you got to experience that kind of intense love, even if we are in pain now, it was totally worth it to have our beautiful husbands in our lives. Take Care, Ruthie  You are not alone (I am at 8 months today--isn't it funny it sounds like a prison term I have served-lol)

Permalink Reply by pamela winmill on September 7, 2016 at 12:41pm

5 months for me Ruthie, every day gets worse i have walked out of a so called friends house because they said at least you got to have a holiday together before he died, and then her husband raised his glass and said to our so called "friends " heres to a happy retirement! Knowing fall well that Russ had just retired insensitive a holes, then one of them knocked on my door and said i have to go out! I go out with other friends who are supportive of me and know just by looking at me when i have had enough, thank God for them, i now ignore  the aholes (hard to do as they are my neighbours) and take one day at a time, how we cope i dont know but i do believe that when we truly love someone they never leave us. Had some amazing things happen will fill you in later. Xxx

Permalink Reply by Rhiannon Thomas-Bethel on September 8, 2016 at 1:17pm

My husband was killed on his motor bike on his way home from work 9 months ago. He had stopped at a 'watering hole' for a drink before heading home. I had a "close" friend email me several weeks after his death to tell me it was my fault that my husband was killed, because if he were happy at home and with his married life, he wouldn't have stopped in at the bar, therefore wouldn't have been killed! There is so much loss and confusion and hurt and disappointment after you lose a loved one! Just what we DON'T need! Needless to say I unfriended her and will never call her a 'close friend' again!

Permalink Reply by pamela winmill on September 9, 2016 at 2:46am

Im sorry for your loss, know what your going through, but good god what an a hole! Obviously  they dont have any brain cells, my hubbie often stopped for a pint on his way home, he would pick our son up on the way it was their time together then they would come home to me for dinner, you really dont need people in your life that treat you so bad. We, who have lost the love of our life can stay in touch on this site and share our heartache and feelings, always here if you need me xxx Pam

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