Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Fran on November 10, 2015 at 1:29pm

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. You are so young to have to survive something like this. I think back one year to immediately after my husband died...I was numb in some ways...Kept looking at where my heart is and trying to see that huge, gaping hole that I felt. I could barely breathe. I think it was right after the Holidays that it really started to sink in that I wasn't going to see him again, on this earth. Friends are well-meaning, but, unless they have been thru the experience of losing half of themselves, they just don't get it! Feel what you feel. Don't let anyone put a time-schedule on your grief. Be kind to yourself. Baby yourself. When you are ready include others into your life, but on your terms. It's ok. I don't ever plan to take my ring off, or look for "someone else". I can't say that I am enjoying life at this time, but I am tolerating it. When my time comes(hopefully sooner than later) I look forward to meeting up with my husband again and giving him hell for leaving me. Whatever anyone else tells you, know that you are not alone. On this site, we all grieve....and we also support one another.

Permalink Reply by Melissa on November 10, 2015 at 3:20pm

Thank you so much! I can barely read any of the books people have given me. I can't ever see any good that could come from my husband being killed by a man that has been arrested 59 times and in prison 6. I will never see how anything good could come out of losing the love of my life and him leaving his daughter and mine fatherless. He was such a good man. I can't even bear people to tell me we won't be married in heaven..then why would God make such a bond...not even death can permeate. I have my three kids to take care of and I feel so incompetent right now. Not to mention I just graduated law school in August and we had our life planned out on how I was going to sit for the bar in February and he was my biggest fan! I was suppose to start studying October 10th he died on the 9th.....I just can't stop thinking about him, wanting him, missing him. I just can't get a grip that on this earth we are no more and the fact that we may never be....kills me!

Permalink Reply by Jesse's Mom on November 10, 2015 at 6:28pm

Melissa, I am sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost my son on Oct 10 in 2012 by someone running him over on his motorcyle while he was in his own lane. Your post caught my attention as I noticed your husband was killed by someone who was of very low character. The woman who killed my son had a long record, ran from the law when charged with negligent driving homicide hiding for months until I mounted my own search, and now, was only given "probation" for running over my son when there was absolutely no reason for her not to see him that day. Moreover my son was initially blamed for the accident which was later proven false by our state's lead accident reconstructionist and at the time of the accident, the driver was not even given a blood test for drugs even though the driver had a history of drug use. Total incompetence on part of the law enforcement for us.
So, I too was given "books" intitially and ALOT of bad advice -- basically people wanted me to let her off the hook. No way on that one. I had to weed some people out of my life. I want to say, is that trust what you know to be right for you during this time. It is hard, an extra layer of acid grief, when your beloved is stolen away from you because of some idiot who obviously doesn't give a crap about anyone else in life. I will never come to terms with that here.
I am including a link here, it is article that speaks the truth, Not everything in life happens for a reason...some suffering is just what it is. Suffering. Again, I am sorry for the loss of your beloved. 
http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/2015/10/19/everything-doesnt-happe...

Permalink Reply by Sara Schwartztrauber on November 19, 2015 at 1:39pm

Melissa

I am so very sorry for your loss. I understand what you are feeling. I lost my amazing husband of 38 years on April 1 to cancer. Most days I still find it hard to breathe. I don't know who I am suppose to be without him.

I know that sometimes you NEED to talk about him, and you need to talk about the day he left, but most people are so uncomfortable hearing it. If you need to talk or vent, I am a good listener. Feel free to email me anytime.

Sara