I'll never be the same again

My beautiful wife didn't just pass peacefully, cancer took her through so much pain and suffering until her body just couldn't take anymore. She was only 45 years old. My whole outlook on life has changed. How can there still be a disease like cancer still? Why are so many beautiful people still suffering from this awful disease? My parents are pastors and we was living with them at the time of her passing, we would pray for her healing and we was believing that she would be healed, I mean I've read about all those healing in the Bible and Me and my Wife was truly believing for her healing. Then she died and I died inside. People say God has a plan or he needed her, please get the f*** out of my face with that bullsh*t. I needed her, her kids needed her as well as her other family and friends. Life is ONLY precious if you're with the one you love, when they're gone IT'S HELL!!!!

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on April 9, 2017 at 12:06am
Thank You AnneJ. for those words.
Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on April 9, 2017 at 3:29pm

Kevin,

I agree with you, God has a plan is a bunch of S***T.

Permalink Reply by Susan K on April 11, 2017 at 9:25am

I have been asking that same question for the last two months since my husband died, he battled cancer for eleven months and during those months I went to church to light candles, to pray for healing every week my house was cluttered with rosary beads and saint statues, I prayed...For what? He just got sicker and sicker until  the day he died...I try to find peace with it, but its hard. And I hear you, I so hate when people think they are being comforting saying "its God plan" or " it was his time", NO he his plan was to grow old with me not be celebrating his 50th in New Orleans one weekend and a month later starting the most aggressive chemo there is!!! So yes I call BS on those who say the power of prayer! I hope that one day I will come to terms with it all and my memories of Chuck will comfort me, make me smile and take away the loneliness....I still believe life is precious if it wasn't it wouldn't hurt so much to lose someone. The irony of it all is I prayed for healing so hard and got nothing but at the end when he was in so much pain I prayed for the end to come I didn't want him to suffer a minute longer than he had to...that prayer was answered..  I go back and forth between anger and hopefulness.

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on April 11, 2017 at 11:32am
You have to understand that from the first time my beautiful wife was diagnosed she rarely complained about the pain or anything, she fought cancer like a lion. One evening while I was home with her and she just looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes and Said "I just can't take this anymore" when I heard that, it killed me inside but I knew I had to be strong for her so I told her " We're gonna get through this together, I'm here for you" I honestly believed that my beautiful wife was gonna be okay. I honestly and truly hate myself for lying to her. I was listening to my pastor Mom and Dad when they would say that she's a miracle child and she was getting better. You see Christians have it both ways. If someone is ill, they say We're gonna believe for a healing and We claim a healing today but if they die then it was God's will. As long as I've been living I've never witnessed a miracle or a miraculous healing at a church or anywhere else. I thought that the healing of my wife would be the first one but I guess I was the fool. I could've been saying my goodbyes for now and comforting her and promising her that we'll be together again and to look for me when I get there, to visit me sometimes, to leave a message on my phone so I can listen to it when I get down. So many things we could've been doing instead of believing in something that NEVER came.

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