Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Robin Quinn on April 18, 2016 at 9:04pm

Mo, sorry for your loss.  I gave my grandchildren and children the things of my husbands that they wanted, like his colognes and small things, his clothes i am using to make blankets for the grandchildren.  I lost him Jan. 20, i still can't go a day without crying.  I know he will never come back, but I still talk to him all the time.  I believe he can hear me as there are usually signs of some type as i am crying, whether its a eagle that flies over me or a certain song that comes on the radio.  I am still trying to figure out what I am doing.  Unlike some, I am lucky I don't have to move, I couldn't bear to leave the home we shared and have so many memories in.  I can now think of some happy memories of us, we weren't perfect, but we were perfect together.  I spent more than 1/2 my life with him and now don't know who I am anymore, people say it will get easier, but most of them haven't lost their soulmate.  Just give yourself time to adjust to being by yourself at your own pace.  I plan to keep the things that meant the most to him.  He even kept all the birthday and anniversary cards that I gave him and I kept mine so I can look at them and know how much he loved me as he picked out each card.  I kept the last clothes he wore as well as the pillows he used, I keep them in a plastic bag and for now, I can still smell his scent on them.  I know that will fade with time, but for now I can take them out and smell him.

Permalink Reply by Cydney Oliver on April 18, 2016 at 9:39pm

This is me Robin. My sentiments exactly. I couldn't have phrased it better. Except I am wearing his clothes, sleeping on his pillow, inhaling every last scent before it is gone. So far I can not imagine a day in the future that I do not cry. My support system, bless them, thinks I should be doing more, not "withering". I need time to make peace within myself.

Permalink Reply by Robin Quinn on April 19, 2016 at 12:26pm

I kept his tank tops that he wore all the time and I sleep in those, I washed those before he went into the hospital, all except one that he wore a day or two before, that I made into a pillow for myself and I sadly hold onto that at night. 

Permalink Reply by Cydney Oliver on April 18, 2016 at 9:26pm

Dear Mo, If you are not yet tired of hearing it, I am so very sorry for your loss. Everyone here can empathize as can every one on this site. It's being in that club that no one wants to be in. I was reading some of the other comments and I found what Mori wrote to be particularly true for myself. It sometimes is all about the distractions I create for myself. Laundry, dishes, mowing the lawn. A few moments away from the excruciating emptiness helps bridge gaps when I feel I can not figure out how to go forward without my love. It has been 2 1/2 months for me, I am wrapping up the 90 day window required by the courts to submit his inventory. That has kept me busy, reminded me every day that I am without him. When that distraction is complete, I am wondering if the bottom will fall out because I won't have that distraction anymore, as difficult as it has been. I am already sensing a greater emptiness. Coping is a moment by moment endeavor.

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