Discovery

I was out walking the other day, and I looked down at all the leaves swirling around my feet. I stopped and picked one up, and it was lovely, moist, and colorful; I thought how beautiful nature was in the fall. Then I looked and found that some of the leaves were curling up and shriveling. All at once I realized that is what has been happening to me; I am drying up like an Autumn leaf. My husband is gone and, like the leaf, my life is now over too.
I picked up the leaf, and held it in my hand; I closed my hand,and the leaf crumbled up in many pieces. It was what I call a "philosophical moment"; I think that analogy was so appropriate since that leaf is definitely ME.
I had my moments in the sun, I bloomed and was happy and full of life; now the winter has come, and my time is over. I just have to lay here until I am raked up and put back into nature - hopefully, to join my beloved husband.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Louise on November 29, 2016 at 3:14pm
I am so sorry for your loss Maxey, this world is cruel and unforgiving. Yes, it does feel like the life has been sucked out. Since I lost my husband I feel like my heart has been ripped in half, like part of me died too. Unfortunately I am 33 and have many, many years ahead of me notwithstanding any accidents or illnesses. I am so angry at the unfairness and I feel myself being really jealous of elderly couples. I wish I was older, then I wouldn't have to wait too long to hopefully be with him again. I'm 2 months into this shitty existence today, I find it hard to cope but it's good to come on here and vent with people who understand. All my love to you xxx
Permalink Reply by Michael on December 12, 2016 at 2:08pm
Saturday was my birthday, the first without my wife. A friend gave me a nice birthday, took me to dinner and gave me presents. I appreciated it. But now its back to this.
Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on December 13, 2016 at 6:29am

Michael,

Happy Belated Birthday. You have a very good friend.

Linda

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on November 30, 2016 at 7:08am

Maxey,

You are not alone, I am slowly crumbling into many pieces also.

Linda

Permalink Reply by bluebird on November 30, 2016 at 1:05pm

Beautifully stated, and I completely agree.

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on December 11, 2016 at 11:21am
I used to look forward to the holidays, not so much all the materialism of it but getting together with family members and enjoying eachothers company. Me and my beautiful wife would always watch"A Christmas Story" she would be in the kitchen cooking Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. She would even make the dishes she didn't like, like potato salad which isn't an easy dish to make but she did it out of her love for us. She died October 5 2016 and October 26 is my birthday. Our anniversary is in January, so from October till March I'm gonna be in a very deep depression and in need of plenty of alcohol to get through. I don't wanna see a Christmas movie, decorations or anything related to the holidays. The greatest gift God gave me he took it away October 5 2016. I will never be truly happy again and if not for my kids I'd be with my beautiful wife right now. This feeling of emptiness, sadness and pain doesn't seem to get better it just stays with me, the fulfillment that my wife gave me when she was here is now replaced with pain.
Permalink Reply by Louise on December 11, 2016 at 11:38am
Hi Kevin

I know what you mean, I always loved Christmas, it was my favourite time of the year for the same reasons. I have barely left my house since the start of November because I didn't want to see all the Christmas lights and hear the songs. I can't bear to turn on the tv because every commercial, movie, tv show is all about Christmas. It's horrendous isn't it? It seems like there is no escape from it all. My husband died 29/30 September - I have the uncertainty over date because he disappeared on the 29th and was found and declared dead on the 30th. It has been the most horrible few months of my life; it was his birthday 24 October, then it would have been our 6 month wedding anniversary on 07 November. Now on the 13 December I have to go to his inquest and then deal with Christmas. Then on the 23 March it will be 10 years to the day we met and our first wedding anniversary on 07 May. I too will be drinking ALOT of alcohol this Christmas and probably over the coming months, I don't know how I'm going to get through this, most days I just feel broken and utterly defeated. I'm so sorry you are going through all of this too x
Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on December 12, 2016 at 6:40am

Anne,

I feel the same as, nobody, just dust in the wind.

Linda

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