The holidays

The holidays for me are really hard this year as that is when Marvin startes to get really sick last year on Christmas eve is when he asked me to call his onc, for pain pills and he had never done that before.We had everyone down to our house that night to open presents then he went to bed  and we got up tp cook Christmas dinner but he let me and my mom do it and he stayed in bed until about an hour before all the kids got down there.The whole next week he was in bed then on new year eve he needed more pain pills and he had gotten 60 the week before but they gave them to him but we had to go have a ct scan done earlier than planned on Jan 3 and that is when we found out he only had a few weeks to live.I am trying to be cheerful and happy because I know that is what I am suppose to be by now it has been 9 months since I lost him but I keep living this over and over in my mind it is the first thing I think when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I go to sleep.What an amazing man he was and how much I miss him every day 12 years just did not seem like long enough for us to be toghetherbut we lived and Loved so much in those years I am so grateful to have had I just miss him so much as I know we all do right now.

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Permalink Reply by Jan Duvenage on December 20, 2010 at 5:51am

Hi Sheila, i know just how you feel. Last year on Christmas day evrything still appeared to be fine with my wife Margi, we were all together and just thankfull we had another Christmas together, our heartache started the day after on the 26th, she complained off severe pain and i rushed her off to hospital where we waited 5 hours before i decided enough was enough and took her to another hospital... All the suffering and anguish up to that point was about to get worse. On the 19th of April (nine months yesterday) she passed away from the horrible disease called cancer. My thoughts go out to you and everyone else that must face this Christmas without their soulmates, be strong and know in your hearts that they are watching over us.

Permalink Reply by Kathleen Lange on December 20, 2010 at 9:00am

Yes, those last few months, hours, and days replay in our mind.  I think we think we may find a way we "could have....", but we really know that was not to be.  Cancer is such a monster---however we MUST move forward ONE day at a time.  I truly miss my husband--it has been 8 weeks---the holidays are coming and going---he is gone.  Good folks (widowed) remind me things will now always be different--I must look to find my new way.  My memories are there, but missing him is first on my mind.  I know he is my angel now and with that must come peace.  His suffering is passed and he now rests.

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