I lost my son Silas to cancer a little over three years ago.  He was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer just 4 days before his 29th birthday, and died less than 8 months later.  Silas dealt with cancer the way he dealt with life; with determination, love, laughter, and gratitude for every day he had here.  I am so sad since his death, it is not something I will ever get over...  People say well intended things that are just stupid, which never helps.  I feel like I am doing the best I can for my daughters, yet, it is hell.  Every day I am hit with Sy's death in such a raw and horrific way it takes my breath away.  Silas moved in with me a little over a month after he was diagnosed, as he was single, and his sisters and I took care of him.  In many ways he took care of us just as much.  He was so protective of us all.  He kept us laughing, and kept living life right up until he collapsed, 24 hours before his death.  He refused to look at death as a possibility, and instead kept thinking up things he would be doing, and projects he needed to get done.  A little over a week before his death he insisted we go to Target so that he could get some swim trunks; he was going to do a lot of swimming that summer.  This, even though he was in a wheelchair and on oxygen.  I love that he remained his spirited self and didn't give in to the cancer beast.  I just wish it could have been me instead of Sy, he had so much living left to do.  I hate that he is gone.  Thank  you everyone for letting me talk about this pain here~ Lorraine (Sy's mom)