Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kim Phillips on August 23, 2012 at 8:26pm

Peggy and Michelle I truly understand the depth of your pain.  My soulmate/best friend passed May 13th.  I cried and cried for 2 months almost solid.  I could have filled a bathtub full of tears.  Then I stopped crying for a week and was numb.  Then it started up again and now I am numb again.  I continue to ask WHY. I continue to feel as if this whole thing isn't real.  I am so damn ANGRY!  I screamed at G-D.  I doubted G-D's existance.  I called Jesus a liar b/c in ten different places in the new testament he says "ask and you shall receive"  and we never received the healing.  I am now turning back to G-D to help ease the pain.  When I lost her I lost half of myself.  I don't know who I am any more.  I feel so alone, so lost and so scared.  My friends and family try to help but they don't understand my pain.  They continue to want to rescue me.  I tell them thank you but this is my journey.  My journey through loss, through grieve.  I don't want to hide my feelings or distract myself all the time.  I want to grief, I want to feel the pain, I want to cry so that I can begin to heal.  I don't think the pain will ever go away but I will learn to deal with it differently and begin to appreciate the time we had together --the good times and the bad.  One day I will be able to smile when I think about her and I.  I do keep a journal and write to her every day and nite.  I have filled 2 composition books and getting ready to start a 3rd one.  It appears to help me some.  Don't be suprised if you go back and forth between emotions (sad, mad, numb).  Michelle I too wanted to die.  I wanted to be with her desperately-- without her my life means nothing.   However I made her a promise that I would watch over her son.  I also realized that that is not what she would want.  She would want me to live.  Her motto was "live fully, laugh often and love deeply"  I send hugs and blessings to both of you. 

Permalink Reply by Michelle Ehm on August 24, 2012 at 8:16pm

Thank you very much , i feel so bad for you . I can not deal with this . I am not good with death. I cannot accept it. I need help with this .it's very hard I dont know how you do it. I know what you mean you cry and then you numb. In wish I could help you. Where do you live?did you g to a support group.

Permalink Reply by Kim Phillips on August 24, 2012 at 9:33pm

I live in maryland.  No I didn't go to a support group and I didn't have a lot of support either.  There are many times I don't want to do it.  There are many times I don't want to live but I know I must.  Michelle a support group may be very helpful for you.  Hospice in my area offered a support group and maybe there is one in your area.  You are very kind to want to help me.  Take care and this is a good site to express yourself.  The people on here are wonderful.

Hugs and blessings

 

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