My life partner died Dec 18, 2013. He had been diagnosed with lung cancer the previous March and started Chemo & Radiation in August. His treatments were finished in November. The doctors assured us the cancer was gone: it had been a very small dot on the outside of his lung. I kept asking how his liver had fared because he was an alcoholic most of this adult life, if not all of it. I knew chemo kills all kinds of cells. We were reassured the liver was functioning correctly. But the second week in November I had to call the ambulance to pick him up. He was running a fever and had passed out on the bathroom floor. That was the beginning of the end. I called the ambulance a total of 3 times from mid November until his final rush to the hospital on Dec 9, 2013. Each time he was tested and given antibiotics for infections, once he had a bleeder in his stomach and had that cauterized. It just seemed he could never recover from one thing before the next arrived. On Dec 10, they pumped the fluid from his lungs, and because he had been unable to walk, not even to the bathroom, since his first hospital visit, I agreed to have him to go a recovery center for "therapy". We kept asking about this liver and was continually told it was functioning. But on Dec 15, 2013 they said he was in liver failure and there was nothing more they could do. By that time, he was in and out of reality. I am so angry at the medical personnel. They have seen enough chemo related shutdowns they could have warned us his condition was frail and death was a possibility. But they kept saying he was working through the problems of lowered white blood cells, etc. Because we did not know the end was coming we did not have the usual goodbye conversations that people have. I know he loved me and I him, but it would have been nice to have had a bare-all soul- to-soul conversation. I spent the first days after his passing feeling like there was so much unsaid and unresolved between us I couldn't grieve. I regretted not marrying him in November when he asked me to. I regretted not making him believe he was my soul mate and the love of my life. Now it's been almost 2 months and, after speaking with a medium, and receiving some signs from him, I know he is aware of how much I love and miss him. He only wants the best for me. With all my regrets and rehashing his final days, I have struggled with grief. Today I feel better, but I know it will hit again when I least expect it. Grief never leaves, it just becomes more bearable with passing time.