Who are you?  Why are you here?

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Losing a grandparent stinks, period. My jack (grandpa) was 79 years old.  4 days prior to his death he got told that for a 79 year old man he was in great shape, he worked out everyday, in fact he worked out the day before he died.  I miss him terribly and I am not looking forward to the holidays/bday without him, I have been having panic attacks and feeling anxious and so lonely since the start of the holiday season and i feel like I am going crazy.  this is my first big loss and not sure if I am handling it well.

Hello Im Nicole. Im here because i lost my grandparents within 2 years of eachother. But they were more than grandparents. they were my parents. they raised my brother and i, and in the end i stayed to help them till the end. i often feel they are simply away on vaction.

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Hitting me

My daughter did MAID last Tuesday and I've been holding up okay.But just now the Christmas convoy (trucks all lit up that do an organized drive through our small town) went by and suddenly I just started crying, thinking how my girl won't be around to have these small moments. And not that she would have - she wasn't a huge Christmas or celebration person. So I don't know why I'm sitting here crying about it.Oh this is going to hurt a lot :-(See More
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