Since Losing both my dad and my mom. My world has changed. I can't help but wonder what if it was me instead of them... Would any one of cared? But then again I realize I am lucky to be alive but it kills me so much inside because I am so lost and heartbroken. I got a boyfriend that loves me to death. But my family on the other hand really doesn't care like they used to about me. I think they did it because they knew my mom would get on their case about not caring about me. I found out that a family member that I am close to Her health isn't doing good and I just pray that the doctors will figure out whats wrong with her before it is to late. Then I know If my Grandma *dad's mom* was in better health I would have her but her memory is to far gone. I am just glad she is being taken care of and staying heathly and I miss her so much. Then to top all this I hardly talk to my brother now days and my sister it's like I don't know how to put it but... I don't think it brought us closer as it is pulling us apart and this all just started to happen. My Dad was taken 3 years ago and on the 14th it will only be 5 months for my mom. Then to top that my moms birthday is this month and I just can't help but realize how much she was right. But then I think about all the times she was wrong and that. So my grief is going in millions of different drections and I try to control but sometimes I can't. Sometimes it actually's affects my relationship with my boyfriend. Because he is the only person that I feel like I can trust and I can go to for advice but he has been thorugh this kind of thing yet and I pray that when he does I will be able to help him through it because I know I have been there and done it. I know that grief isn't something that I can get over I just learn how to live with it but there are times that I feel like I can't go on and I feel like this isn't even me anymore. So any advice I am all ears. I know that I have God and I am not always alone but in the physical I feel like I am alone 24:7.