I grew up all over the place.  My mama was my best friend, but from time to time I hated her.  I think we all went through that at one point in our lives.  I am 23 years old and have a little girl of my own.  

Feb 21, 2008...  the day I left to go to Basic Training for the US Army, I arrived and heard the news about my mama...  in the middle of the airport in Atlanta, GA.  I lost it.  I don't remember anything from the time I heard my dad say she was gone until the Drill Sergeant pulled me off the bus to inform me of what I already knew.  I went home for a couple weeks to grieve, but didn't really take the time to do so.  I walked through the door and my first stop was her room.  I sat on the floor next to her side and cried.  I blamed myself for it for a long time and I didn't know what there was to do to change it.

I am currently in Afghanistan and have been for a few months now.  It was brought to my attention by someone here that I was showing signs of having not grieved for the loss of my mama and recommended I talk to someone.  I have come to the conclusion, that I have been holding back for too long.  You can only bottle up so much before you explode and I am almost to the point of explosion.  I came here in hopes to find some others that can understand what I am going through and can maybe help.

My mama was a HUGE supporter of the military, and my last memory of her was that proud look with tears running down her face as I went off to become a soldier.  It breaks my heart to think of how much time I missed with her when I was younger, and I just wish I could go back and change so many things.

I feel so alone without my mama.  She was my hero, my friend, and I could tell her everything.  She was the only person I fully trusted, and I'm beyond lost without her.

I will be going home on leave this Feb. in hopes that my family and I will be able to cope with it, but this year will be the first time I have been able to actually be home for her anniversary and I don't know how well I'm going to do.  This Feb marks 3yrs since we lost her.  I miss her so much, and I just want to go back in time and keep her alive......