I grew up all over the place. My mama was my best friend, but from time to time I hated her. I think we all went through that at one point in our lives. I am 23 years old and have a little girl of my own.
Feb 21, 2008... the day I left to go to Basic Training for the US Army, I arrived and heard the news about my mama... in the middle of the airport in Atlanta, GA. I lost it. I don't remember anything from the time I heard my dad say she was gone until the Drill Sergeant pulled me off the bus to inform me of what I already knew. I went home for a couple weeks to grieve, but didn't really take the time to do so. I walked through the door and my first stop was her room. I sat on the floor next to her side and cried. I blamed myself for it for a long time and I didn't know what there was to do to change it.
I am currently in Afghanistan and have been for a few months now. It was brought to my attention by someone here that I was showing signs of having not grieved for the loss of my mama and recommended I talk to someone. I have come to the conclusion, that I have been holding back for too long. You can only bottle up so much before you explode and I am almost to the point of explosion. I came here in hopes to find some others that can understand what I am going through and can maybe help.
My mama was a HUGE supporter of the military, and my last memory of her was that proud look with tears running down her face as I went off to become a soldier. It breaks my heart to think of how much time I missed with her when I was younger, and I just wish I could go back and change so many things.
I feel so alone without my mama. She was my hero, my friend, and I could tell her everything. She was the only person I fully trusted, and I'm beyond lost without her.
I will be going home on leave this Feb. in hopes that my family and I will be able to cope with it, but this year will be the first time I have been able to actually be home for her anniversary and I don't know how well I'm going to do. This Feb marks 3yrs since we lost her. I miss her so much, and I just want to go back in time and keep her alive......
