My mother died while in bed at home, and I was in a different room..

It's coming up to the 4th anniversary of my mother's passing. She was approaching her 50th birthday, and was always healthy. She woke up one morning and had a headcold and minor sinus issue, so stayed in bed for the day to sleep it off. I was home alone with her, so was bringing her cups of tea etc during the day. About 4 pm she told me she felt better and would get up our of bed soon. I was up in the living room about half past 5 when I went back down to my parents bedroom. There was no response. Her face was cold. Deep down I knew, but I was a 16 year old boy, I couldn't lose my mother. Especially not when I was alone. We had the most inseparable bond. I was the youngest of 3, and I knew I was the apple of her eye, I hope I still am.
My gripe with everything though, is why I didn't call a doctor earlier in the day. My mother was sick in bed and it didn't come to mind that she might be very ill. And then she passed, probably feeling alone, with nobody to call out to.
I still live in the house, but my dad has a new partner who lives with us now, and she now sleeps where my mum lay asleep 4 years ago. I've had incidents with alcohol and attempted suicide, and I don't know where to turn.
I don't know what I hope to get out of this, but I decided putting everything into words might aid in some way.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by julie on February 9, 2016 at 5:11pm

I am so sorry to hear how you lost your mom.

It doesn't sound like you would have had any indication that your mom had anything more than a head cold.

She knew you were there and she was not alone.

I hope you have been able to find some peace and please know there are bereavement groups out there-  I have found some comfort and support and empathy there-I wish the same for you.

 

julie

Permalink Reply by Casey on February 9, 2016 at 5:42pm

i am so sorry, i cant imagine,  my mother passed away at the age of 56. Its so hard but you are so brave for writing this down. 

Permalink Reply by Shawna on February 9, 2016 at 7:24pm
You took care of her the best that you could. Allow yourself some mercy...
Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on February 12, 2016 at 9:17am

Hello Paul,

     My heart goes out to you, at 16 no person is prepared to loose their mom. I am 65 and I would not have thought that your mom needed to see a doctor either. You used a pharse I have used many time, "sleep it off". I have used that philosophy and found it works. Our bodies seem to need rest when we are sick and tends to repair itself with amble rest.

     It is a good thing to have told us what happened and how you feel. Never be afraid to do that here, we understand.

     I hope you can find some encouragement from the article at the link below:

Tragedy - Loss of a Loved One

     Talking can be a helpful release. Following the death of all ten of his children, as well as some other personal tragedies, the ancient patriarch Job said: “My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life. I will give vent to [Hebrew, “loose”] my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!” (Job 1:2, 18, 19; 10:1) Job could no longer restrain his concern. He needed to let it loose; he had to “speak.” Similarly, the English dramatist Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.”

     Please talk to us anytime you want.

Brenda

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