I need help! I am really depressed lately!

Well, I don't know if I posted my story or not. I lost my Mom in June of 2010. It was lung cancer and a horrible ordeal.

She was my best friend of my entire life. I am single. I lived in her house and contributed. It was a big house and we had our space. My siblings and I had a big falling out. They evicted me and wanted to sell the house. It was not quite paid off. I could not afford to buy them out. I begged them to not sell it and to possibly go in on it with me so I could still live there and they could have a place to stay when they are in town. But no. They sold it for a ridiculously low price, just to get rid of it. There is still bad blood. They are trying to reach out to me and I am now reciprocating reluctantly.

Anyway, I now live in a nice small one bedroom apartment with my loving dog, who my Mom also loved dearly.

 

I have a LOT to be thankful for and a lot is good. I am trying to rebuild my life and have had some great times that have been healing.

 

However, for the last few months I have been not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, having crying spells and even suicidal thoughts (though I would not carry them out). I just feel sad every morning when I wake up.

I am so depressed about the life I used to have and everywhere I go, there is a memory of the life that WAS!

I feel so alone in the world and feel such a feeling of abandonment. My dreams at night are telling me this too.

 

It has been 3 years and I feel I am NOT doing better. I feel trapped at times in this place and just want my old house back! I just feel I am not doing better and feel so alone. I cry a lot and just miss my Mom and Dad more than ever.

 

Thanks for reading. 

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lesley Beach on September 9, 2013 at 6:58pm

Hi Douglas

Your post moved me to join this group. i'm so sorry you feel so bad. I feel like you but I can't even cry. I wake up every morning and gasp when I remember again that my Mum is gone. I lost my Mum in March and had to rush back to England. Ended up staying 4 months dealing with everything because my four siblings after behaving disgracefully just selfishly went right back to their lives without hardly skipping a beat. I spent months in my family home, wearing my Mum's clothes, sleeping in her bed. My dad is a selfish alcoholic, my Mum died waiting for him to stop drinking like an animal. It was hell being under the same roof as him. I was left alone to deal with everything despite begging my sisters to help me. Although I have lived far away for a long time, my Mum was my best friend and we spent hours on the phone. I signed off as co-executor of my Mum's estate and trusted my sister to follow through after I got it as far as the probate court and now she has emptied the bank account and I can't get hold of her. I've got behind with everything and now the attorney won't even talk to me. What a horrible mess. Why can't we just grieve for our mothers without all the nastiness. Hope you are feeling a bit better today.

Permalink Reply by Wendy (Boabie) on September 27, 2013 at 6:27pm

Sorry I am late for seeing your post. Just checking in to see how you are doing?
I lost my mom nearly 5 weeks ago, and I am still in shock. As an only child it
has been so hard to lose my mom and my best friend. Living in the house with her
had to be double hard. Please contact me if every you need to talk with someone.

Sending hugs and blessings,
Boabie

Permalink Reply by Danny on October 9, 2013 at 5:56pm

Hi Lesley amazing to see what people can do.

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