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Permalink Reply by mandy wilinski on October 8, 2020 at 9:22pm

i lost my mom/best friend /world this past march2020. im feeling that shes on vacation and she'll be back having a hard time getting the reality part of it my heart and mind wants her back but the reality part is that i know she's not coming back. having a hard time accepting it. also having hard time adapting to everyday life. feels like my world stopped.

Permalink Reply by Karen Novak on October 8, 2020 at 10:17pm

Mandy,

I totally understand how you feel. I’m still in shock that my mom is never returning. My world changed so much the day my mom died. She was my everything. I’m sorry about your mom. 

Permalink Reply by Brett Bowman on October 8, 2020 at 11:31pm

Mandy, I am so sorry. I miss my mom more than anything. One thing I have learned is that, while it feels like our world has stopped, it has not. We still have the cares and worries of our everyday lives. The pain and  the joy. I put the word pain before joy in that sentence because you miss your mom so much. That hurts so badly. It is also a very fresh wound for you. March is not so long ago.

I should offer you advice now. I'm not Mr. Experience when it comes to a lot of things. I know what it's like to lose a mom though. To lose your best friend, the person who carried you in her womb, and loved you in a way that only a mother could. What I can tell you is that as much as it hurt to lose her, I sure am glad that I had her. I lost my mom on Christmas Eve. There is never a good day to lose your mom, but I honestly do wish that it had been another day. No presents to unopen the next day. Just pictures of Christmas past and smiling faces.

I received a gift that day that was not realized for quite a while. My mom loved me. That was my gift and it still is my git. I'll carry it with me to my last day, and then I believe I will see her again.

What to do until then? Never stop loving her. Always keep her memories fresh. Laugh at things that tickled you, and don't be afraid to cry when you need to. Grief is real. It is incredibly real, but it has strange rules. There are no rules. Every person's journey is different. I'm still learning, still adjusting, but holding tight to the sweetest little woman, best friend, protector, nurturer that I could have ever known. She was my greatest blessing. And I bet you know how I feel. You just wrote a love letter to your mom, too.    

Your world didn't stop. You are literally a part of her. You carry her with you every waking moment. I bet you have mannerisms that people recognize, and I bet you say little sayings that you heard her say a million times. She lives in you.

I talked to a guy last night. His mom died in April. He told me that he really wasn't that close to her. I can't imagine. I would rather have loved and lost than to have had a lukewarm mom. The pain that you feel is love itself. Even through all of the pain, I will always choose love. Loved her then. Love her now.

Mandy, I will always be here if you need a friend. God Bless You. Tell your mom out loud that you love her every day.

Permalink Reply by Karen Novak on October 8, 2020 at 10:14pm

Even though you wrote this over 2 years ago I hope you’ll understand why I’m responding to your post. I lost my beautiful mother 2 years ago. She was my best friend, confidant and mentor. Her passing was tragically unexpected. I miss her every single day. I cry most days at some point. My kids tell me I should seek out counseling or support groups (so here I am!) because my grief is so powerful. I hope you’re better DeeDee. I’ve accepted that forever is how long I’m gonna miss my beautiful mom.

Permalink Reply by Brett Bowman on October 8, 2020 at 11:36pm

Forever is a long time. You will see her again.

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