Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lisa Gladieux on December 15, 2011 at 3:08pm

One day at a time, honey!   My mother died on November 23rd from Ovarian Cancer and I'm getting through it better than I thought.  I hated seeing my mom suffer the way she did and I know she is at peace now, which is where I draw my strength.  If it wasn't for my daughter (who's 10), I'm pretty sure I wouldn have cancelled Christmas this year.   Don't force yourself to "put a tree, decorate, etc", just follow your heart and lean on family and friends.  Also, for me talking about my mom and her death has been healing for me.  I'm not sure what your mom died from, but a book I am reading now is also helping me heal.  It's called, "Into the Light" by Dr. John Lerma.  He's a hospice doctor and he talks about his experiences with patients and what they are experiencing.  Not sure if you're a reader or not, so it may not work for you.  I would love to just take the pain away from you, but life doesn't work like that.

Permalink Reply by Clara George on December 27, 2011 at 4:14pm

thank you, ms. lisa.. i am a huge reader and will definitely look up the book in the very near future. my mom died from renal disease (kidney failure) but she never told me how bad it was and the she was in stage 5... 3 yrs ago she had a stroke and a brain aneurysm, and had to have brain surgery.. she wasnt quite the same after that , and her kidneys got worse... which resulted in lots of seizures... she was in a lot of pain... youre right; the fact that she is at peace is very comforting. thank you for your words of wisdom!

Permalink Reply by Kris Baclawski on December 15, 2011 at 3:58pm

Hi Clara: 

I lost my mom about 6 months ago--and I have some days that are okay; others not at all good.  Having said that I am 39 years older than you and can't imagine how difficult this time must be for you.   Because I have people and animal companions who depend on me, I can't just stay in bed.  Sometimes it seems as if I'm going through the motions, though.  I tend to sit and only do what requires minimal effort.  It is a often a struggle. 

What has been helpful for me is returning to church and joining their choir.   With my mother having been in failing health over the last 4 or 5 years and having to help with her day to day care, I've not had much opportunity to do much but work, housework and help with her care.  Activities (music, hobbies, volunteering, learning something new) outside can be therapeutic...and it would please your mom to know that you are taking care of yourself.   Another thing that's been helpful for me is researching my family's genealogy.   What some of my ancestors went through (parental deaths, emigration, losing multiple children, forest fires, etc) to live to ripe old ages.   If Great Great Grandmother survived all that, I can as well.   She had a heck of a lot of faith and hope for the future. 

Hang in there.    And let us know how you're doing.  God bless.

Kris

   

Permalink Reply by Clara George on December 27, 2011 at 4:16pm

those were great ideas; thank you so much! i used to play the violin (played for 6 yrs) til my mom died.. then i stopped playing... but i recently started playing again and it is very therapeutic. i will definitely try your other ideas.. thank you so much!